Summary: Tipsy Nilbog is a well loved goblin-child who has been given the best of everything. This year, she has been given an opportunity especially great: to be the first goblin-student at Hogwarts. She eagerly accepts, but not everyone is so thrillled by her presence.
*These are the times that try men's souls.
Well, that couldn't be any more real for Draco Malfoy than on the eve of his wedding. He was getting married the next day, but all he could think about is how his life was about to become so much more damned complicated.
He had no idea.
*Quote - Thomas Paine, American revolutionary.
This fic was nominated for a 2010 Quicksilver Quill Award - Best Humour
I Like a Healthy Breeze Around My Privates, Thanks! by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 13]
Summary: “Muggle women wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear this.”
Remember ol’ Archie from GOF? Well, now you’ll know why he refused to give up his flowery gown for a pair of trousers.
Written for the April Fool Challenge at the beta boards. Nominated for a QSQ in the Best Humour category. :D Many thanks to Rachel (lily_evans34) for her help with Latin.
DISCLAIMER: This is not J.K.Rowling, though characters you recognize and story premises belong to her.
Summary: How Tom Riddle dealt with Valentine's Day, his seventh year at Hogwarts.
Written by AidaLuthien of Hufflepuff as part of the February Fiction Junction, I Challenge Thee, challenge. Late because she got the category wrong and midterms got in the way. Prompt was to write "a one-shot about how Tom Riddle celebrated a Valentine's Day at Hogwarts" and was set by Amorentia x.
Summary: Lord Voldemort won the Battle of Hogwarts but victory isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe training/raising some children/minions will make him happy...
Banner by Minnabird
Albus Severus Potter and the Thingamajig of Destiny by TrueMarauder
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 28]
Summary: The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well.
Or was it?
Voldemort is dead, but strange things are happening at Hogwarts (again). A mysterious object has resurfaced from the very origins of Hogwarts itself, and a wannabe Dark Lord is trying to steal it. With the help of a very unusual book, it is up to Albus and his friends to stop him.
One can only expect this when a Potter comes to Hogwarts.
Summary: On the morning of Christmas Day, 2000, Hermione Granger (soon-to-be-Weasley) wakes up from a delightful dream to find herself in a bathroom at Grimmauld Place.
As various Weasleys queue up to tell her all about her behaviour the night before at Aunt Muriel's birthday party, Hermione is in a state of shock.
She knows she didn't drink anything stronger than Butterbeer. So why was she wearing a toga and teaching everyone how to perform Greek dancing?
And what, in the name of Merlin, was she doing with George?
This is Equinox Chick and this is my entry for the extra credit challenge 'In Vino Veritas' for the Winter Snows 09 competition over at the MNFF beta boards.
Thank you to Apurva for beta'ing this tale in time. Thanks also to various people on AIM for telling me to get on with this (Jess, Natalie, Hannah, Russia, Kara, BB)
Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling. She would never have written anything quite so daft.
Claimer: I have disgraced myself wearing a toga before now.
Summary: Not having any experience teaching, Gilderoy Lockhart was only worried about looking good for his students during class. Making sure they bought all of his books, he had put all of them on the booklist for his class.
Join in the laughter, as Gilderoy tackles his hardest mission to date… teaching children how to defend themselves.
Summary: The story begins a few weeks after the end of Half-Blood Prince, when Harry is back at the Dursleys' once again, waking up Uncle Vernon from his favorite golfing dream. On escaping from the Dursleys', he finds that Hogwarts is open again and decides to return there after all, but only to find himself face-to-face with both Snape and Voldemort much sooner than he thinks! Through the course of the story, Harry will meet the most mysterious DADA teacher yet, learn the truth of the misunderstanding that took place on the lightning-struck tower, and discover that there really is a little more to Petunia that meets the eye, all the while with references to the amorphous Deathly Hallows.
This is meant to be a humorous rendition of what could happen in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It is intended to be a parody rather than a serious prediction of what happens next.
Summary: When Nymphadora Tonks accompanied Arthur Weasley to a London pet shop as an Auror escort for an official Ministry investigation, she imagined them being in and out with very little fuss.
She was very wrong.
Yet another Monty Python-inspired Christmas gift for Tim the Enchanter.
A little bit of fun for the Christmas season!
Severus Snape is a miserable, grumpy, nasty man, feared or loathed by all around him. But can the appearance of a succession of familiar ghosts one Christmas convince him to mend his ways?
Based on the classic story by Charles Dickens. Lightly comic with serious parts. AU warning as Snape has survived the Battle of Hogwarts
Summary: [He] walked a little taller that day. We had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the crap out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten and low... and cool. Not another one among us would've ever in a million years... even for a million dollars had the guts to put the move on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman, and he had kissed her long and good. - The Sandlot
Summary: One Christmas, Luna Lovegood gets the brillant idea of spreading Christmas cheer to the people whom she considers to be the most miserable at Hogwarts. And, of course, Luna does not see any way this plan could go wrong.
I am OliveOil_Med of Ravenclaw, and this is my entry for the MerMuggles Christmas Contest.
Summary: It was a subtle game he played, stealthily hunting down his prey, but he was good at it - that is until he came upon the lioness. On that fateful day, the tables would be turned. The conqueror would become the conquered; the hunter would become the prey.
A sophisticated crack!fic. ^_~
Summary: Even our favourite bunch of Slytherins were adolescents once. Now we get to laugh at the expense of Draco, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle, and all the others!
Summary: The Marauders have a knack for finding things, but are terrible at figuring out what they are. Luckily, Gryffindor is full of informative people...
This is a collection of related one-shots about confusion over Muggle objects. An excerpt from the first chapter, A Contraceptive Controversy:
James Potter was quite brilliant, or at least he’d like to think so. He had some of the best grades in the sixth year- they would probably be the best if he did his homework regularly. The Marauder’s Map had been his idea- even if he wasn’t brilliant, the Map certainly was. He was also an animagus. An (illegal) animagus at sixteen was something brilliant indeed.
So if he was so brilliant, then why was he incapable of identifying the object before him?
It’s not like it was particularly complex: all it was was a little piece of rubber, really. There’s nothing complicated about that, is there? No, not at all.
One formidable Longbottom grandmother and two mischievous Weasley twins teach Rita Skeeter a very public lesson...
UK English, canon ish , humour.
PoA era: Severus Snape takes a thoughtful stroll down Diagon Alley at the start of the Christmas holidays, but it soon turns into a quite a harrowing ordeal for our favourite Potions Master... UK English. Contains some dark humour. You have been warned!
Characters: Severus Snape, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Molly Weasley, Percy Weasley and (very) minor OC's.
Summary: Remus tries to make sense of a mission gone wrong by asking Sirius about it. Bad idea. Very, very bad idea.
Summary: Harry and Hermione meet in secret to discuss Ron's birthday surprise. But plans formulated under the influence of Firewhisky are not always the easiest to fulfill...