fantastic. i could see this coming straight out of deathly hallows
Author's Response: Oh, wow, I hadn't thought of that. At the time I wrote this, it was a projection of...whatever the future was. Well, thank you -- that's quite the compliment!
i thought that a really really good story. really good writing too. wow i really liked that :)
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
Wow, Katie. You wrote a story portraying true friendsip-- something that is especially hard to do in a one-shot.
I really like the style you use for descriptions. You have this effortless, crisp way of delivering facts that paint a picture very clearly in someone's mind. Such as, in the beginning of your story, when you are setting the scene. It really was a great introduction, one that I took note of to try and use in my own writing. :)
I would also like to comment on your dialogue. It was superb, really, and it seemed so natural, as if I could really hear Hermione and Ginny having there conversation. It also added to your great portrayal of friendship between the two girls,
Hmm. I have been scanning the page, trying to look for some crtique. Alas, for there is not much I can find. All I can say is that towards the middle of the story, the facts got a bit rushed. There was a lot of things being presented, and it was a little jumbled, I suppose, that could be purely be in the eye of the reader, but I thought I'd just let you know my thoughts.
Also, I like all the incorporations you made in this small moment. In this short reflection, you mangaged to reference romance, opinions on Snape, and the many feelings that Hermione and Ginny experienced. In my opinion, this is also very commendable and it made for a great stroy.
Really, Katie, I enjoyed your writing so much. I think that you created something very entertaining.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, the middle is a bit odd -- this was written as (I think) for SPEW's one-year anniversary. The challenge, therefore, was to talk about another anniversary. And since I split Ginny from the Trio, there's a lot to tell! I will, when I edit this, try to clear that up a little. Thank you infinitely much for your compliments and comments. They mean a lot!
I love it.
I absolutely adore how you did this one... So suspenseful, but it leaves room open, because we don't know exactly what it is that they're doing, so you didn't take Jo's plot up in your own hands. I haven't seen one of those I've liked yet.
This is really spectacular.
This part in particular struck me... Don't know why, but it is quite marvelous.
Hermione smiled. “You call him by name so easily. I still think of him as Professor Lupin.”
This part was also wonderful... Really drew in Hermione's character in an oh-so-Hermione way that I could not help but adore.
Hermione blushed deeply, an instant giveaway. “I — er — oh, fine. He’s so mature now, he’s stopped rushing ahead without looking. He’s much more serious now. It’s a bit sad, but he’s grown up, really.”
Her gaze wandered away again, affection — love? — and anxiousness filling it. Her eyes were much softer like that. She blinked and looked back at Ginny.
Author's Response: Thank you muchly! I adore compliments, ha. Leaving it vague meant I didn't have to think too much about what they were doing, but really, it was Hermione and Ginny that this is about. Hermione simply isn't allowed to tell her friend all she'd like to. And I do like the bit about Ron :)
Poor Ginny and Hermione, waiting with no news! I like how the things the trio has been doing are kept pretty vague - the friendship between the two girls is accented by that.
Author's Response: Yes. I wanted the idea that they were close once, but Hermione has other obligations, so things between them are not quite the same, but they still care very much.
That was really good, I especially loved the closing line, just so full of hope and sadness. Anyway, I didn't spot any Americanisms and if you ever need help with them (I read your profile) just let me now and I'll be glad to, being British and all. Great story!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm sorry I'm so late responding -- this story's been up so long I forget that people might look for the first time! Thank you very much; your comments are very helpful.
Nice job! You have a very natural writing style. Hermione and Ginny are perfectly in character and their dialgoue flows very nicely. I love the idea of Ginny working with the former D.A. while the trio are out hunting Horcruxes! That was great!
Two questions: Why is Harry always watching for Bellatrix, and not Snape? I'm just curious how you view Harry's reaction to these two characters. My second question is: why is Hermione looking out the window at the end, as if she can sense Ron and Hermione? It seems to me that there is a story there! I think it would be great for you to write more stories about the year before this scene, particularly about this bond Hermione seems to have with Ron and Harry (if I'm interpreting the signs correctly, that is). If anything, please tell us how Hermione got injured, that sounds like a good story!:)
I love one-shots and this one was great. Keep up the good work! And good luck with your writing!! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your feedback! Answers: I had Bellatrix in mind when I wrote this, that's all. He should probably look for Snape -- I bet he will, if I ever rewrite this :). And I was trying to suggest some sort of magical bond between the Trio, it just didn't come across as clearly as I wanted to. Again, a second-edition correction. Thanks again for your comments!
Argh. I'm sorry it took me so long to post this for you. I read this a while ago and just blanked out on my review. Anyway, here it is for you. *smile*
Who would've thought that a small conversation between Hermione and Ginny could contain so much information? You do a wonderful job of packing in as much information in as few words as possible. The opening of the story is great because it shows how life has continued as normal as possible for the students at Hogwarts while those outside are fighting to return the world outside the grounds to normalcy. The flashback at the beginning helped establish the appearance of normalcy at Hogwarts and was placed in the right spot to do so before the explanation of how far from normal things truly are during the story.
Now, with all I've said about the opening of this story, I'll move on to the fact that I love that it was Hermione that was injured because she was leading the way. It just feels right for Hermione to lead at that point in the journey because she wouldn't want Harry to do so just in case something like what did happen happened. So very Hermione-like. Of course, the fact that she was the one injured and stuck in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts was really great for your story because it allowed both Ginny and her to be completely open about everything. I can't really picture either Ron or Harry being as open with Ginny since both boys would want to protect her while Hermione understands that Ginny is a rather powerful witch and would be able to hold her own in anything she might face. But, their conversation also reflects the fact that they are teenage girls who are dealing with their emotions as much as with the outside threat of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. The balance in the conversation is great.
The only thing I really found in this whole story that seemed like it could have been explained more was Hermione's vaguely odd behavior when she murmurs about Harry and Ron being 'close'. I'm pretty sure you meant that they were getting close to their goal, either the place they were going to face off with Voldemort of the final destruction of him. However, it just seemed odd for her to know that and get a sort of faraway look whenever she felt it. I think it would've been nice to have a small little explanation of how she was able to feel their progress and know they were close. Like somehow the three of them had made a magical pact or something that would allow her, or any of them, to know or feel the progress of the others when they were separated. I do like the idea, though, that Hermione would know about it even though she is stuck in Hogwarts. It just seems right that the three of them have some connection to each other that would allow them that kind of knowledge. I just think a bit more of an explanation would've been nice to see.
Overall, this was a very nice story to read. The fact that the two girls, who were already close, were able to get closer over their discussion of what was happening beyond the walls of Hogwarts and worry about their loved ones together. It must have been nice for Ginny to finally have one of her close friends back with her, even under the circumstances in which Hermione showed up. And, of course, I think Ginny put it best when she told Hermione, “They’ll be fine, Hermione. You taught them, they can’t help but succeed.” That is just a wonderful line and it really should bolster both girls' spirits, especially since the chapter closes with Hermione's persisting feeling that the boys are getting close and everything would be over soon. It really was a lovely story. Well done.
Author's Response: Thanks! I can't believe you left such an in-depth response for a one-shot. Yes, I did want it to be Hermione and Ginny because of the girl dynamic -- and then I realized that if she was just injured, it'd seem like the girls weren't as good. So I put her up front. I still felt a bit bad, but it's a better excuse. And yes, I did mean to imply that the Trio had some sort of magical connection. Telling it from Ginny's side, I didn't want to go into it much, because I thought the Trio would be really closed, even to Ginny. But you're probably right, that I should have clarified that. Thanks so much for your lovely thoughfulness!
WOW!! This is GREAT! I love it! LOL! :P This is WAND-erful!
Author's Response: Thanks loads!
Yay, first review. Thought this was really good especially your characterisation. keep on writing, you have a really nice style
Author's Response: Thanks lots!