Reviews For Leaves
Reviewer: OliveOil_Med
Date: 09/06/10 21:55
Chapter: Leaves

This is my review for the Ravenclaw Review Circle, and Simply, you still owe me a review of my story, Hermione!

Oh, I always love a story about Luna, so this story's going to be a joy to review!

The death of Luna's mother has always been something of a mystery, and you did an amazing job of touching on it. She has to be there to actually witness her mother's death, so this all certainly seems like it could be possible.

I love the appeals the story made to the five senses, especially the smell of the damp earth. I always notice this smell whenever spring comes, but none of my friends ever seem to. It's a shame, but I don't have to tell you what a wonderful smell it is; so full and heavy, with knowing that spring is going to follow it.

I also love the interactions between Luna and her mother. We know from the books how close she felt to her, and her hopes of being able to see her once again and the picture of the two of them in her room. This was the absolute perfect interaction between a mother and her daughter, the way you know it's supposed to be, which makes it hurt all the more when her mother starts to drift away actually dies.

Luna's mother almost seems like she's more bipolor than depressed, with her moods going up and down between extremes. But adding mental illness into the equation really made for a view I have really never seen before.

My only critique is that Luna's father didn't really seem to have any of the...'whimsey' we know is in his character. I know this is a trying time for him, but we do see flashbacks of his character, and even when Luna was being held prisoner, we still saw it somewhat. It was just one thing in the story that seemed off to me. But I suppose you published this story before DH came out. No one could describe Xenophilius as 'serious'!

Anyway, this was really an enjoyable read, and now I'll have to go off in search of more of your stories.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, even after that sticky situation! Yes, I did write this pre-DH; that's why he is completely OOC. Don't worry, I'll be reviewing Hermione soon!

Reviewer: lunaandneville
Date: 12/10/09 5:06
Chapter: Leaves

Great writing syle I love how you went from her P.O.V to 3rd person... Do not however agree with how luna's father become eccentric in this story but that's just my personal opinion... Even still you are an amazing writer

Reviewer: Indigoenigma
Date: 02/02/08 21:34
Chapter: Leaves

I would like to start out by complementing you on a job very well done. This is a very unique story.

It’s always been very difficult to associate something like depression with Luna. She’s always such a happy, go-lucky, carefree person, that it’s difficult for me to see her crying or do almost any of the conventional mourning. This is why I was rather caught off guard when she started crying over her mother's death - it just didn't fit, somehow. But, by the end I understood.

On that note, your explanation for the eccentric Xeno and Luna is quite believable. I think that Luna being a "normal" child until her mother died, is actually more believable than having a little five year old interested in the Crumple Horned Snorcacks.

You had a really beautiful way of ending this fic. I was waiting (and kind of expecting) for it to end at her mother’s funeral with Luna watching the leaves or something. It was amazing how the story deals with horrible depression, both in Luna and in her mother, and yet it ends on a note of almost carefree joy. I think it’s a real talent to be able to do something like that

Anyways, good job on this very unique piece of work!

~Kelly

Author's Response: Thanks Kelly! I really appreciate your thoughts on it, and thanks for the great compliments. I was very happy with the ending. Really, I never felt like the story should end on a sad note. Thanks again! -Danielle

Reviewer: Cwiddy
Date: 10/15/07 1:32
Chapter: Leaves

IT is funny the events that make us who we are...and loosing one's mother is an event that just leaves scars on most people, especially young girls who love their mother more then anything! This is a sad story about how Luna's mother died...but at the same time it shows hope...hope that even when something is lost, it becomes a part of us and by remembering that part, we move on and change. Well written story that shows the pain and anguish that death brings, but also shows that even as the pain remains, it brings a bit of peace with it because we remember.

Author's Response: Oops, thought I had responded to this already, sorry! Wow! What a beautiful review! You have me tearing up, in a good way of course. Thank you so much, you just made my day!

Reviewer: Cwiddy
Date: 10/15/07 1:29
Chapter: Leaves

IT is funny the events that make us who we are...and loosing one's mother is an event that just leaves scars on most people, especially young girls who love their mother more then anything! This is a sad story about how Luna's mother died...but at the same time it shows hope...hope that even when something is lost, it becomes a part of us and by remembering that part, we move on and change. Well written story that shows the pain and anguish that death brings, but also shows that even as the pain remains, it brings a bit of peace with it because we remember.

Author's Response: thanks! you're comments mean a lot to me.

Author's Response: eh. me and my typos. your comments mean a lot to me. thanks again :-)

Reviewer: junior_achievement
Date: 10/09/07 22:00
Chapter: Leaves

this was so sad and beautiful and heartbreaking and wonderful, ALL at once! I loved the very last sentence.

fantastic job =]

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: Heiress_of_Insanity_
Date: 10/06/07 18:29
Chapter: Leaves

Aw, this story is so sad! It's the first story I've read about the death of her mother, and it was excellent! Filled with heartbreak and pain, laughter and an unsure girl growing up without her mother. The feelings were very realistic and the words fit toegether perfectly. They weren't smooth, but they weren't rough or jerky. They were a style I adore. I love it, love it, love it! 10!~

H_o_I_

Author's Response: Thank you so much H_o_I. Enjoy your banner!

Reviewer: FenrirG
Date: 08/02/07 0:08
Chapter: Leaves

Wow. That was my first reaction when I read this story. Wow.


I'm literally floored by all the thought and emotion you poured into this beautiful, beautiful story. There's something about it... no, everything about it is simply amazing. The word choice, the imagery, the emotion, the metaphor of the falling leaves... It all left me speechless.


I'm no good at leaving long reviews, but I seriously cannot express how beautiful and poingant I found this story. You're an absolutely amazing writer, and I can't wait for more from you.


Good, good job. Enough said. =]

Author's Response: *squishes* Thanks for reading, I'm really glad you liked it. Luna is one of my favorite characters, I hope I did her justice.

Reviewer: Diamond Quill
Date: 02/08/07 16:46
Chapter: Leaves

I'm sorry I took so long reviewing this, I felt that it was one of those stories that it was best to leave for a while after first reading, so that one can write a more accurate and balanced review.

So basically- I loved it. It's so powerfully written and the characters are so perfectly real. I love Luna, I think she's absolutely spot on and I think the way you've shown her mother in a downward spiral from the beginning is captivating and very genuine.
I also love the way you've added small details which make the story so rich and colourful. For example:
Little Luna looked down despondently at the duvet covering the bed, tracing her tiny finger around the pattern embroidered in to the fabric.
This may seem like a small detail but it's just one of those which add to the high quality of the fic.
The last section is one of the best ending paragraphs to a oneshot I've read. It sums it all up so much and just conveys the very essence of who I think Luna is- Hope. Perfect, very well done.

Author's Response: Thanks so much dear! It really doesn't matter if it's late or not. I'm just happy you took the time to read and review! Thank you again, I really appreciate it. And enjoy your banner!

Reviewer: DogLover4Life
Date: 12/24/06 12:51
Chapter: Leaves

This was amazing. It was dark but it still showed the light and beauty in life. You should create your own characters and write your own stories or poems and try to get them published. I think you could. You have your own style of writing and it's all beautiful.

You are one of my “favorite authors” and I have favorite all your stories.

Astounding.

Author's Response: Wow. You just blew me over. Knocked me down speechless. Thank you so much! I can't tell you how much your review means to me. And if you really do like my writing, look out for a couple new fics coming in January. THANK YOU!!! ~Danielle

Reviewer: lily_evans34
Date: 11/04/06 15:17
Chapter: Leaves

Danielle! I so totally remember to review this!

*nods*

*applauds self*

Anyway, I do feel so horrible for not finishing my beta work on this story, but it was sweet of you to credit me anyway! So, here’s my Beta/SPEW style review, picking up on the second half, because I’d already read the first half, and, yeah.

Picture this: You love your mother deeply. Your only dream is to somehow, some way, be like her. Your only hope is that one day your daughter will love you as much as you love your own mother right now, at this very moment.

This part caught my eye, basically because you address the reader. Second person is typically stayed away from while writing from a third or first person POV, so if there’s anyway that you can rephrase this paragraph to not talk to the reader, that would be good. I think it’s fine if you just leave it like it is, however.

She was for living in the moment, enjoying what you have, never saying never.

This is like my last suggestion, but this sentence reads awkwardly with the word ‘you’ in it. It sounds like her mom is enjoying what someone else has, so I would change the ‘you have’ to ‘she has/d’.

She turned to Luna, a look almost apologetic on her face, and collapsed on the hard, cold stone floor.

I just adore this line. The way you use the work ‘apologetic’, you can tell that her mom isn’t trying to hurt Luna, and that Luna was the only one that made her regret what she was doing. It’s so sad to think about the fact that Luna had to watch her mom purposely kill herself.

Meanwhile, Luna almost found it almost amusing at how the wind thrashed their black coats around as they danced around in the wind, while they stood still as statues.

You use the word ‘around’ twice very close together, so I would take the second one out, just so it won’t be too repetitive.

Besides, she had already shed too many tears already, there were none left to come.

You use the word ‘already’ at the beginning and the end of the first clause here. *giggles because Rachel does that as well* You should take one out so it’s not too repetitive.

Around and around, her eyes focused on nothing but the leaves. Hearing nothing else, seeing nothing else, getting faster and faster, till the world became a distance blur of blue sky, twirling foliage, and tall tree trunks.

I adore this line. Before now, this story had a very lovely slow pace to it. In this line it gets faster and faster, giving the feeling of losing control. I can see why Luna wanted to spin, just from the way that you write this line. It gives me the feeling that she wanted to just get away, and be in her own world. One small nitpick though: I would write out ‘until’ because ‘till’ is generally slang that’s used more in actual speech rather than in writing.

You see, loosing my mother at the tender age of nine, I hadn’t really developed a sense of who I was.

Again, I would edit this sentence not to include ‘you’ if you can, but if not, that’s alright. Also, apparently ‘loosing’ is a word, as spell check isn’t picking it up (as I do my reviews on Word), but you’re looking for ‘losing’ in this particular sentence.

Anyway. I really love this paragraph where you talk about Luna trying to become her mom. That seems like a realistic way to cope with loss—trying to replace her mom. I can see Luna wanting to forget about what happened, and try to make her mom live on through herself. I found it interesting that you said that Luna’s father was doing this as well, because throughout this fic, he’s sort of been the bad guy, and I never got the impression that he overly cared about Luna’s mom. That just shows that no one’s what they appear to be on the outside, I suppose. I like that you wrote it the way you did, though, because it shows us that small connection that Luna has with her father—the fact that they cope with death the same way.

Slowly and deliberately, and with great effort, Luna begins to spin.

Ooh, I just love this ending line! The whole fic was marvelous, but I just love the way that you tie everything together in this last line. The last two paragraphs are describing Luna’s change as she grows older, then the note that you end on is saying that Luna is spinning, just like she used to. This gives me the impression that this spinning was something that she did for herself. Like, all the other habits that she shook were things that she did to be like her mom, but here she is, even after she’s accepted her mother’s death—spinning. It makes me think that she’s still trying to get away, or feel free, or whatever it is that she spins for. I don’t think it’s the reader’s place to know why, however. Like I said before, this seems like a habit that she does for herself.

Anyway, in case you haven’t noticed, I really did adore this story. You had such a different take on Luna’s life than any other stories that I’ve ever read about it. I don’t think that you need an AU warning, as we actually don’t know how Luna’s mom died, but you can keep your note if you see it fitting.

Guh. *headdesk* I just totally realised that I used ‘mom’ instead of ‘mum’ in this whole review. Ignore my extreme Americanness, as I am an American. >.>

Again, sorry for not completing my betaing for this story, and I hope to read more by you soon, Danielle! Cheers!


Author's Response: WOW! I wish I knew how to make that amazing smiley with its eyes popped out of its head, because I would put it a million times! 8-0 <<< That's the best I can come up with! Wow, lovely review, and don't feel bad about not finishing it! I take forever to get back to the authors I Beta for... First of all, I half agree and half don't agree with my use of the word "you". On one hand, I completely get what you mean. On the other hand, I don't really see how I could fit anything else in there that makes sense. If you have any tips, that would be great! And a note about the spinnning: Ha, I like your logic! I never actually really meant it to be that way :-) When I write, I don't really think, I just write. I don't usually have much reasoning for whatever I write. Ah I did it again! I used the same word, three times, close together. *scolds self* Anyway, spinning never really had a reason, it just happened. But I did do something on purpose, and that was having that connection between Luna and her father, as them seem like they are close in cannon. Thanks for the critiques, I'll be sure to use them! Pfttt...Americanisms? Don't worry, I'm American too, and I'm the WORST with Britisisms (wait I didn't spell that right). Anyway, THANK YOU RACHEL! Look out for a review of your own! It won't be as long though, sorry, I'm no SPEWER. :-)

Reviewer: Snapes_secret
Date: 10/29/06 16:45
Chapter: Leaves

Oh, what a wonderful story! I loved the opening part about the leaves and how tracing the pattern continued throughout the story. You obviously have a very good handle on Luna.

The way you presented Luna's mother suggests perhaps a bi-polar disorder. If so, you handled the subject and it's effect on the family, very well.

Good job!
(Snapes_secret/Snape's Talon)

Author's Response: Bi-polar...hmm yes maybe. I was leaning more towards just depression. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: h3art0f1nk
Date: 10/29/06 1:44
Chapter: Leaves

Oh my goodness, that was beautiful! I totally and absolutely loved it!!! I especially liked that third paragraph, and the last three paragraphs. Ooh! It was so good!

Author's Response: Thanks Sabrina, those are my favorite parts too. By the way, have you updated New Eyes lately?

Reviewer: EtherealElation
Date: 10/28/06 11:48
Chapter: Leaves

Oh... That was so sweet! I absolutely loved it. I think you took Luna's dad a bit out of character, but the story flows with remarkable ease, and it's just so... So somber, so perfect, and so sweet. Great work here! Brava!

~Juliet

Author's Response: Aww...thanks. I'm sorry you think he's out of character, but it was kind of meant to be that way. It was kind of the only way the story would work.

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