Hello, dear. Well, I noticed this fic is about autism when I was perusing the banner threads, and because I’m writing a story on this topic myself, I was intrigued immediately and had to read it.
You handled the sensitive subject well, and I was really sucked into the story. The imagery you used to describe Harry’s sadness was beautiful, and very much came across, and I found the ending sad as well as happy because Harry understood her fascination with the stars, but their family wasn’t together...If that makes sense. I’m assuming that’s how you intended it.
Autumn was slowly decaying to give life to winter
Something that stood out to me, was the consistency of the changing seasons theme throughout, and how it was always autumn and winter. That metaphor very much showed how life might be for Harry.
And, the song. You weaved the lyrics into the story impeccably, and they also fit the mood, the writing, the... everything, perfectly. They seemed a lot like they could be Harry’s thoughts to me as well, which is effective – even if you didn’t mean it like that – because it helps the reader get into his head just a little more.
It was a trembling note elongating before the silence of ice
and he had to turn around to hide the bitter elixir that was now coursing his face like a bleeding wound.
I have one nit-pick for the imagery. In these two lines, though very nice, I did a double take. I understand the second – he’s crying, right? - but I’m not at all sure about the first. :/ To be honest, they interrupted the flow of the piece when I was reading because I didn’t understand them right away, and I think it would be better if you simplified them.
Now, this has to be my favourite line: her limbs stretched out as though turning into a star herself. Very simple imagery, but so very vivid. I could see the little girl, in my mind’s eye, and I could see the stars that it compares her to. Because she is a star to Harry, however distant she might be to him.
Now, my nit-picks:
making every shadow to slowly creep out - you need to remove ‘to’.
Her attraction on the changing sky - ‘to the’.
he couldn’t stop a small smile to creep into his mouth - ‘small smile creep onto his lips’ maybe? /suggestion. You could come up with something better probably.
The moon was waning, and it would be New Moon soon. - This took away from the story a bit, mainly because of the repetition of ‘moon’. Also, ‘New Moon’ doesn’t really need to be capitalised I don’t think.
to feel a connexion - ‘connection’.
it was his attention he could not grab. - do you mean ‘her attention’?
But yes. Very good story, like I said. xx
Author's Response: Hi inspirations! I'm very sorry for taking so long to respond. As you can imagine, I stoped writing for a couple of years, but I'm now trying to get back to it. My english is a little bit rusty right now, so I hope you'll understand if it gets confusing at some points. By the way, something I've noticed (now that I'm reading my answers to the reviews) I do a lot is skipping whole words. No matter the language, I've realized I do this every time I write. It's weird but you could say I 'say' the word in my mind but don't actually write; but because I 'said' it, I keep writing thinking I already put it down. Anyhow... I'm glad the majority seems to think I handled the topic correctly. It was certainly one of my greatest worries when writing it. You could say it was intended to be sort of a bittersweet ending, but more sweet than bitter, because even when they aren't actually together and Ginny is dead, he realizes they are closer than what he thinks. Yes, I used the seasons not only for the scenary autumn can bring forth, but also because they reflect Harry's feelings: his hope is decaying somehow, he feels he can't keep the flame burning inside him. I didn't write the lyrics, but I thought the same you did: the fit so well. In all honesty, I couldn't say I did something to make them fit, they did it by their own, heh. I like very much those lyrics, specially that part that says: "Don't you slip away from me, don't you leave. Don't you slip away from me, I'm vulnerable to your love." In the second, yes, he's crying. In the first one, I wanted people to feel or perceive that winter was about there. Although winter can be related with fun and christmas, it also makes you think of death and coldness. So, it wasn't winter yet, and it almost as if autumn was trying to stay there (just as a note playing as long as it can last), although it would finally succumb to winter. This, of course, reflects what Harry felt: he was getting near to a point he thought he couldn't bear it anymore; he was loosing all hope. And yet, he was fighting not to get there. Hence the title of the fic. Thank you very much for nit picking! I won't have time to change that right away, but I'll do it in the next couple of days. By the way, "connexion" is just me mixing up languages >.<' Thanks for pointing it out to me though! Well, insipirations, what can I say? Thank you very much for such an honest review! I'll proceed to do many of the changes you suggested. I love to hear you liked it. This story still means a lot to me, no matter how much time has passed by. :)
wow... this was so sad, it made me cry, this should definitrl not be taken off the site, if it is, ill have something to say about it! this story is so beautiful
Author's Response: Adeyla, thank you very much :) But if they take it off, don't worry about it... it was in the wisedom of the mods to do it :/ But as it hasn't happened yet, thank you very much for your support. It's because of words like these that I get courage to keep writing :) ~Astro
This was really pretty, almost brought tears to my eyes.
Author's Response: Although I've hardly cried with anything I've written, I've always been stirred inside with what I try to turn into words. I don't know, I think I'm not too capable to crying (but I do cry)... it doesn't matter at the end because I've cried many times in the inside for my characters. Thanks for reviewing! Every review helps me learn more things! ~Astro
this story kind of depresses me.
my three year old cousin just got diagnosed with autisim two monthes ago. I know all about how it will affect him, but nobody bothered to fill me in on what it means for me.
Your story is great, it has this kindof brutal honesty i guess you could call it. YOu write beautifully, and your story has a real flow to it.
Author's Response: fairy lights, i'm sorry that this depresses you (although I'm not going to say that I'm sorry your cousin got diagnosed with autisim because it's not something to feel sorry for... yes, it's difficult and hard, but there'll always be hope). I hope that above all you could feel that at the end there is a connection, but we simply need to find it. It may require time and sacrifice... but it'll come. Thanks for reviewing and if you want to give any more input or comment with me you can email me too. Thanks! ~Astro
It makes me cry every time I read it, Pablo. Well done and thank you. :)
Author's Response: Thank you, babekitty, for allowing to upload it to the site. It remains, as you know, as a gift to you. Thank you for all those interesting talks and idea exchange. I hope this will always be something positive for you :) ~Astro
Thank you for putting this here for us to read. And thank Abbi for letting you. It will touch the souls of those who read it. And for those who don't, well, their loss.
Author's Response: I certainly hope it will! :) Unfortunately, I think that the rating probably scares some of them away... because it's better to stay in the safe part. Thank you for the compliments, as I've said, it seriously is an honour to me to read that my writings can do some good. I still have to improve but your words will always motivate me to do beetter :) Thanks! ~Astro
That was beautifully written and you treated the subject with such reverence and solemnity that I don't see it as negative at all. Bravo.
Author's Response: Thank you Narwen3. This subject is so deeply connected to me somehow, and I wouldn't dare to treat it lightly. That's why your words give me a lot of mind peace. Thanks for reviewing and taking the trouble :) ~Astro
Firstly, HI! It's nice to see you haven't abandoned fanfic writing.
Secondly, this was a very beautiful fic. The story, all the emotions, and especailly the way you made the words and sentences work for you to be so poignant. Mmm yes it was quite joyful even as it was sad. "Autumn was slowly decaying to give life to winter?" Just beautiful, I adored all of it.
I also appreciated that you chose to address Autism--because it is a reality which affects many people, and we all can benefit by learning from those people and their experiences. (Incidentally, have you read the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime?)
Thank you for deciding to post this story! I hope to see more in the future.
Author's Response: Hi Phoenix3! Thanks for reviewing. By the way, I love that sentence also. This is a very significant one/shot to me because I put some much into it. I put all I feel in each one of the fics I write, but in this one everything flowed with tremendous ease. In other words, I was ready to write it. Still, I know it's not the best one out there, but it certainly has changed me somehow. I hope it's helped others as it has helped me :) Thank you for reviewing. It's great to hear kind and nice words. I hope I'll always be worthy of them ;) ~Astro
Oh my....I think you did well to post this here. I, for one, simply love it. 'Tis beautiful. Thank you.
Author's Response: No, really, thank you. :) It's always very rewarding to hear so kind words. Thanks for letting me that you liked it :D
Wow. Just...wow. I should probably wait until tomorrow to review this, as my thoughts will probably be a little more coherent then. But...I really just have to review this now.
Amazing and very touching story. My brother has autism, and though he and Hope are very different (seeing as autism is such a broad disability), there are also striking similarities. I was very moved by how distant Hope was from Harry, because my brother often gives little sign that he cares about anyone. Anyhow, wonderful one-shot, definitely adding to favorites.
Author's Response: Hello Hermione_Rocks :P
Heheh, thank you very much for still reviewing :) Did you stay awake all night? Because when I do, my thoughts gradually begin to lose coherence :p
First of all, thanks for your support to this story. I really was afraid this story could be frown down upon (even when Abbi had liked it), but I think so far it has really turned the other way around :D
I didn't know your brother had autism. It's actuallly very surprising how, if you simply set to it, you can find so many people that somehow relates to Autism. Actually, many months ago I considered the possibility of being an Aspie myself, but being that in my country it's not common to take neuropsychiatric tests or anything of the sorts, I prefer not to assume anything.
Anyhow, as you said, autism is a quite broad disability. This distance between Harry and Hope was the 'emotion' ruling the story. However, as the resolution shows, the distance is only superficial, for at a deeper level, Harry finally realizes they are close. And that's exactly what I like the most of the story: that even when Autism affects a person, it does not distances a person from his/her beloved ones; or in other more classy words, loves conquers it all.
Thank you very much for reviewing! :D See you in the CR :)
Oh my lord! This is the best story that I have come across on this site. It is so moving. While I read, I was fighting to keep back tears. Keep writing. I love your work.
Author's Response: Oh, my, thank you very much :D! It's really, really great to know that you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. Oh, and although I'm very flattered, I know I still have loads of things to improve on =P but thank you anyways!
I hope you find many other stories that are of your liking!
That was such a heart wrenching story! I so feel the pain that Harry feels, and his longing for a connection to Hope (both figuratively and literally!). When she finally speaks and tells him what she sees in the night sky, I had tears rolling down my face. It was such a touching moment. Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm glad Abbi gave you the permission...it is a great story. Cyns
Author's Response: Hi, Cyns!
OMS, I'm so excited that people has seemingly responded so positively to this story! It's really touching, seriously.
That would be the struggle of the story: Harry trying to reach Hope. It was incredible to write it, to be honest, and I'm glad that you liked it :D Oh, and I'm glad that you felt it so closely :) It's great to know that I was able to transmit the emotion.
It's great to hear from you, Cyns, and thank you very much for reviewing and letting me know what you thought about it :)
Wow. Abbi wasn't kidding when she said this fic was great. It is absolutely amazing.
I was crying within the first few paragraphs, and again more towards the end. It's realistic and sad, but it still has hope. I liked how she finally responded to Harry about the stars.
It was a great fic, Pablo! *runs off to favoritize*
Author's Response: HI Sarah! (I hope I'm not mixing your name!)
Thank you very much! :) I cannot say enough how worried I was about the story giving a wrong or negative impression to the readers, so all this support has been really great.
About that particular scene (when Hope answers him), I was a little bit wary. I couldnn't decide if it'd too cliché. I figured that that was the way I wanted it to be indepently of whether it looked as a cliché or not.
Finally, it's great to know that you were able to feel Harry's emotion as that's exactly what I strived to achieve.
Again, thank you very much for taking the time to review my story :D (oh, and for 'favoritising' my story :p).
Don't you dare remove this story! I have 4 daughters, Dawn has Asperger syndrome, and Amanda is autistic and also has Down syndrome. All of my daughters are precious to me, and I think your story shows very well the emotions I've felt as a father.
Author's Response: Wow, Trucker, I'm truly speachless.
It's truly a priceless honour to hear this. I cannot say how thankful I am that you felt it was realistic. I put a lot of work and devotion to it, but above all, a lot of emotion. It is very rewarding to know that you liked it. As I said in another review, I do not have a personal experience which to relate to, but I have done a lot of research on the subject. And although this story doesn't really brings a lot of facts regardin Autism, I did try to embed the emotions I felt when writing it.
Again, thank you immensely for your review. I am truly honoured.
That was so touching. So amazing. Had me in tears. The frustration, the unanswered questions, and the hope... This is one of the most real and touching stories I have ever read, FanFiction or no. Brilliant.
Author's Response: Why, Lisa, thank you very much!
It's great to know that you do liked it :) To be honest, I wasn't very sure about the reaction of the readers given the topic, but I'm glad that so far two have liked it :)
And although I don't have any close autism case to which relate, this story is yet very personal for me for several reasons. All that makes it even greater that you liked it :)
Thank you very much for your very encouraging words, Lisa :D
I am so happy that you posted this. My dad works with children with autism and I agree that not enough people know about it or understand it. This fic clearly shows that you understand it and can write it in a realistic way. I'm writing an autism fic at the moment and it also has Harry's daughter as autistic (I swear I'm not copying from you! Great minds think alike, eh?) and, although I'm having a little difficulty with it, It really is rewarding.
Author's Response: Hello, Evie!
Thank you very much for stopping by to let me know all that! You know, this story had a little bit of problem to get past the queue, primarily due to the sensitive topic. That's why, as an advice, I'd suggest you to think and write it carefully (not that you weren't! :) ). If you want, you can send it to me and I'll beta it for you (I'm a beta by the way, heh). However, I know that someone with your experience will probably do a great job!
And thank you very much! It's great to hear that the fic portrays it in a realistic way. My writing style is always a little bit different from what you'd expect (with all the comparison of the stars and all), so I'm glad that you liked it!
Thanks very much for sharing your opinion, and as I said, if you need help with your fic, please do let me know!