Wow! That was a good and powerful story, Hadeer. I have read very few romance fics with original characters that match this one's depth. I like the way you've developed Mr Nott's character - from making him seem like a harmless wizard who misunderstands Muggles (when he's not, after all, he was a Death Eater) to revealing his biased and evil side. And Theodore is very admirable because he doesn't abandon Elizabeth in the end.
Now on to the constructive criticism. I wish the reader would know more about Elizabeth and why she chose to marry the son of a Death Eater. Yes, she's well-portrayed, but still, she needs more back story. Perhaps you would want to up the rating of the story; I noticed a minor curse word. There were periods missing in a couple of places; I'll point them out for you:
The wardrobe she had so carefully organised a week ago when she had first moved was in complete disarray
Cautiously, Theodore approached her and grabbed her hand
Apart from a few small mistakes, it's a well-written fic that deserves a lot more than just four reviews. Well done!
Author's Response: Thank you, Mini! You know, my beta had told me that providing a background story for Elizabeth was one of my main problems. I tried to include as much info as I could without making it seem like *too* much.
Oh, wow! It’s not often you stumble upon a Theodore Nott fic, and I’m really pleased I found this gem. :D
I haven’t really been a fan of Theodore Nott, because he’s way too minor for us to actually judge his character – practically an OC, I’d say. So the way you handled him was absolutely brilliant. He was a perfect hero. *giggles* I loved how he’s completely devoted to Elizabeth. Aw. And the part where he’s torn between his father and his fiancée was very well written. I could almost feel poor Theo’s pain.
And I must say – Elizabeth is such a nice OC you have there. I love her. =] She’s so sensible, and just so helpless yet strong at the same time. Very well developed, indeed. I would have liked to have seen a bit more of her love for Theo, though. It appeared to me as though Theo was the only one that loved her, and it didn’t really seem that she reciprocated his love, although it might have been simply because she was distraught most of the time.
Oh, and Mr Nott was wonderfully evil. XD He was the perfect villain, what with the horse incident, and then later threatening her openly – a delightful character. Nasty, but very well written. =]
You also wrote the arguments between Elizabeth and Theo really well. I could feel the tension and the sparks flying. It was just such a heated exchange. You’ve got a way with dialogue, and it’s great that you used it to your advantage. =]
The ending was awesome. :D I loved how he didn’t come right away – it would’ve become clichéd that way. But here, he’s late, but he still comes, and I liked that he chose Elizabeth over his dad. Hard though the choice might have been, he did the right thing. =]
I caught very few typos:
These two sentences don’t have a period:
Cautiously, Theodore approached her and grabbed her hand
“Leave?” Theodore echoed hollowly
Oh, and here:
She craned her head.
I’d rather say ‘neck’, but that’s probably just me. =]
Overall, thanks for such a refreshing and delightful read! *hugs*
Author's Response: Thanks for such a well-thought out review, Preethi!
Wow. This is incredible. *stares blankly at the screen* This HAS to be one of the better one-shots that I've read that's centered on a minor character.
I love how Theodore's so deluded about his father's activities even though it's a bti frustrating that he couldn't see through any of them! Kids really are blind to their parents' ulterior motives sometimes and I like how he didn't do a Draco vs. father switch and just automatically give up his family for the girl. Decisions like that aren't made in a minute. :)
Anyways, great job! I really enjoyed reading this and it made me really want a sequel!
~Allie of the Gryffindor Review Crew
Author's Response: Yay! I was actually inspired by a line used in V.C. Andrews' "Flowers in the Attic," when somebody says, "She's your mother. We all want our mother to be the best." It hit home, and inspired this story. Thanks for the review!
This is amazing, truly amazing. It's not often that I (probably the biggest Theodore Nott fan on the planet) come across a Nott fic. This is a far different portrayal of him than I have ever seen-- because he's highly intelligent and a bit of a loner, I always imagined him to be truly disdainful and disrespectful toward his father. Your idea of making Theodore truly blind to how horrible his father is was very inspired. I like the idea of pairing Theo with a Muggle, as well-- I've done that, too, so it made me smile. In any case, I can't wait for more writing from you!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! I'm wasn't a fan before, but after writing this story and getting to know Theodore (my characterization of him, anyway) I fell in love.
Wow, very nice. :)
I like your plot - it has a very interesting take on a character we know so little about. I think your creation of Mr Nott was great and how easily he could manipulate people. What was also really good was how Theodore wanted so hard to believe Elizabeth, but his father just seemed to keep winning him over.
I also like your way with dialogue - the arguments are excellent! *wishes she could do that*
And last, having Theodore a half hour late was a good addition in here. I totally expected him to show up on time!
Nice ending, too, by the way. It sort of leaves you hanging, because it's pretty obvious what will happen next, yet you still want to know more. :)
Great job and keep it up!
Author's Response: I'm happy you like the dialogue. The arguments are actually my favorite part of the story. You know, it's strange that more than one person loved the ending, but when I was first writing the story, I hated the ending. Anyway, thank you so much for this review!