Gina, such an original premise. I like how you broke it up in two parts, two themes. One of my favourite stanzas in Destiny is the second one.
He split his soul to live forever bold. And gathered servants 'round him as a lord. They set upon the world as hooded hoard. Then one was born, his destiny foretold. He fought with love, to end the brutal war: The world would fear such evil nevermore.
You really capture the essence that is Voldemort and slowly make that transition from Tom's tale to Harry's.
A few critiques:
He turned to darkness 'fore he was full grown, And learned the arts of magic most unknown, To realize his power over life.
I love the first two lines, as they flow so beautifully, yet the last line seems superfluous or out of sync with the flow. You could easily omit this last line, and the stanza would still hold, imho.
She died in birth; the boy was left alone, To lead a childhood loveless, filled with strife. With rage and hate his heart was sadly rife.
My suggestions here are for punctuation: the comma after 'alone' should be omitted, and the period after 'strife' should be replaced with a comma. ^^
While the first part is intriguing, your true brilliance is shown in Harry's stanzas. The first stanza of Fate is filled with such lovely imagery:
The sky was drenched with blood red clouds on high, As stars rose to their heights amid the glow. The field was dark and silent down below,
Lovely. Just lovely. The real emotional scene, however, is the end:
The boy had saved them all from evil's threat. His strength of heart had moved him to prevail: The world would be forever in his debt. Yet time had come for him to pass the veil. His last breath left cold lips with no regret - And so concluded Harry Potter's tale.
Dah geez. *sighs* So sad yet uplifting. I really love how you juxtaposed Riddle's life and death with Harry's defeat of him and his own death. It just comes full circle, really. Well done, m'dear.
Author's Response: Lia! Wow, what a review! Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comments. They tell me you get it, that the poem did what it was supposed to do. Yay! I appreciate the suggestions. I'll tweak the punctuation someday (I hate punctuating poems, lol) I can't take out that one line, however, because it is part of the sonnet form. The rhythm is a bit off depending on whether you say 'real-ize' or 're-a-lize' so that may be what is throwing you off. It's one of those things where no amount of tweaking was going to fix it, I think, so it is what it is. You know, I wrote this before DH, so it's a bit AU now. And yet in some ways, it's not. I wrote another poem after DH, called 'Sure on This Shining Night' that is sort of similar, except more canon. I actually wrote this one with one of my own stories in mind, 'A Destiny in Time.' I guess you can figure out how it ends. ;) Thanks again for the great review! ~Gina :)
Aww, these are so dark and morose... I like them very much. :D
It's startling how these were written pre-DH, yet they aren't all that far off from what actually happened. Perhaps you channeled your inner Jo and knew that Harry was going to die.
The language you use is very beautiful, and the meter is nearly perfect. It rolls so easily from the tongue, which is how a sonnet is supposed to work.
Very nicely done, indeed. :)
Author's Response: Hey Jess - a belated thank you for the review! Regarding my inner Jo and Harry's death - yes, I thought he would die, I even thought perhaps he should die. I wrote the story and this sort of goes with it. Like JKR, though, there was more to it; unlike her, I did not bring him back, although for the most part that worked nicely, and we wouldn't have our Potter boys if she hadn't. ;) I wrote these for a sonnet challenge eons ago, although I ended up entering a different one (The Last Black.) I'm glad the rhythm worked for you! Thank you for reading these and leaving a review! ~Gina :)
Wow, it seems like ages since I last reviewed something of yours! I love the layout of this work – combining the two sonnets into one piece work really well, and the summary was simple but intriguing!
The choice of title for these two sonnets is really interesting – in essence, fate and destiny mean the same thing as they’re synonyms. However we see how Harry and Tom, though both grew up in difficult environments, have turned out as different as can be, opposites of a spectrum almost.
The rhythm and choice of words throughout these poems are excellent. The beat is steady and strong throughout.
Where one man stood alone, set to defy.
Here, the emphasis in the beat is on “to” which doesn’t sound quite right when read out loud, as “to” isn’t a key word in this line. Maybe try something that emphasises “defy” here, e.g. defiance?
I was also a bit unsure about this line: But lost his life and had to say good-bye.
Although here the word “goodbye” works well with the rhyme, it seems almost colloquial and doesn’t fit with the overall atmosphere for this poem.
And learned the arts of magic most unknown,
To realize his power over life.
These two lines are really eerie! The last part in particular, almost sounds curious and inquisitive rather than evil, when referring to horcruxes. I felt as if we were seeing the things that Tom discovered, in the way that he would have viewed them. Tom saw what he was learning, and all these forbidden discoveries as something that would benefit him, and felt proud at discovering this power that he had, rather than feel, as most people would, that perhaps these things were better left alone.
The sky was drenched with blood red clouds on high,
As stars rose to their heights amid the glow.
The field was dark and silent down below,
Where one man stood alone, set to defy.
I love this imagery, it’s incredibly vivid and powerful. I could see the image of a battlefield at some poignant moment, with the shadow of one man who could change everything. I love the mention of stars here; it’s not only beautiful but emphasises the importance of fate really well.
Overall, these poems are great; the two really compliment each other! I especially like the concepts and imagery. :) Well done Gina!
Author's Response: Having just posted a second set of sonnets, I thought I should properly thank you for this lovely review, however late. I still read it and really appreciate your thoughtful, insightful, kind review for these poems. So THANK YOU! ~Gina :)
I love the flow of these two sonnets. I really think you have found the correct flow in both of them! I really enjoyed them! :) Cyns
Author's Response: HI Cyns! Thanks so much for reading these two poems. Yay for two reviews!! I'm so glad they worked for you, I'd never done anything in iambic pentameter before the sonnet challenge. Thanks for leaving such a wonderful review!! ~Gina :)
Well done and so powerful. The second to last verse is what I hope he feels if J.K.R deems to end the story that way.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm so glad you stopped to read these two pieces. I really appreciate your kind words as they are some of my first attempts at this form! Thanks again!! ~Gina :)