This describes the Black Sisters very well...and could very well be how Andromeda left. You have done a great job of characterizing these intriging and complicated characters.
Author's Response: Thank you!
I think one of the reasons I like reading your work so much, wendelin, is because no one else (that I know of or read regularly) writes the way you do. I absolutely love how you interleave stanzas or lines of poetry into your stories. I just think it is such a unique approach. I’ve read several of your stories and they have quickly become some of my favourites here on MNFF.
In this one, I think you do a marvellous job working with three sisters. You characterisations are just wonderful. Bella has thick black hair and beautiful ebony eyes that always seemed to be laughing at you, ever so taunting. It captures a lot of what we know about Bella in one simple sentence, especially the end of the sentence. Just brilliant, I really like that part.
It was an awkward decision she made, but she had a respectable pureblood marriage with a man she didn’t love and nothing could be more Black than that. Again, I particularly liked the end of the sentence. It does seem so much like Narcissa to put aside what she really feels inside and go with what everyone else would approve of.
But, I think you did the best job with Andromeda here. The fact that the poem is about her (err … I hope it is or I totally missed the boat here) really punctuates the way you describe her and her situation in the story. Here are two beautiful sisters who are everything their parents / their circle and another who is quite forgettable. Then, when she breaks tradition, marries someone they all consider undesirable, it’s the end of it all.
Great job! I really enjoyed this.
Author's Response: All SPEWers deserve a great big hug for putting so much thought into their reviews.
I really like how you worked the dynamics of the sisters' relationship into this fic, as well as a brilliant characterization of Andromeda. The bits of verse in between really added to the flow of the fic, which was brilliant, by the way. The star allusion throughout really worked well, and your writing made the reader feel for Andromeda and at the end for Narcissa, too. Lovely!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! And to get compliments from such a talented author...*blushes*. ;)
I thought that it was pretty good. I thoroughly enjoyed how you used the italicised(Sp?)print. It was one of the best parts of the story. You really incorperated them well and made them flow and blend in, like they were natural. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! It's wonderful when readers tell me what they like so I can capitalise on that.
Hi Wendelin. How about a SPEW Buddy review? Yes? Okay, then. =)
I find stories like this one – that describe a short moment, with lots of feelings and back-story told through obscure but poetical words – easy to enjoy but hard to review. There isn’t really a lot of “plot” to talk about, but all the more of the atmosphere that you manage to create.
You have done a good job of describing the relationship between the three sisters. I’ve always been curious about Andromeda, and I wonder if she will appear in DH? Of course, she’s Tonks’ mother, but Tonks could just as well have been a random person – why did JRK create a third Black sister? We’ve seen a lot of Narcissa and Bellatrix – but why is there an Andromeda? Her very existence is intriguing, I think. Personally I think of her as a very, very strong woman, who managed to break away from her family and marry a Muggle-born wizard. But perhaps she possessed a great inner strength like you showed us in this one-shot, rather than the strength and courage to stand up to Bellatrix? In any case, I think your Andromeda shows strength.
Now, some nitpicking:
her sisters’ eyes light up in triumph and it s a silent victory.
I think you meant “it is a silent victory”, or “it’s a silent victory”.
and the kind of face that nobody would ever remember and just as well she thinks, she never wants to be remembered.
This sentence is a bit confusing. I think it would flow better if you put a full stop after ‘remember’, and then added something like, “But that’s just as well, she thinks, for she has never wanted to be remembered.”
“It was only Ted,” she slowly tells herself. “and perhaps, that was the way I would have wanted it to be.”
Here I think you meant to put a comma, and not a full stop, after ‘herself’. But I think it would be even better to put a capital ‘A’ at the beginning of the second sentence.
‘Where will you go? You have nowhere left to go to.’
This sounded a little odd to me. By saying “You have nowhere left to go.”, it suggests that Andromeda has tried to escape to other places or something. I think that “You have nowhere else to go.” would sound better. =)
And then a few lines I liked very much:
She opens her mouth to scream at them, to wipe the smug smirks off their faces
I admit it. I’m such a sucker for alliteration, and the “smug smirks” part made me grin.
It’s her long strides and dangerous dagger-like heels and somehow that whole air of always being in a hurry that intimidates Andromeda
Alliteration again! “dangerous dagger-like heels” – sweet! Plus, combined with the “long strides”, it’s an excellent description of Bellatrix. Well done.
The most surprising part of this one-shot, in my opinion, is this line of Narcissa’s: ‘What will I do without you?’ I would have thought that Narcissa would be of the same opinion as Bellatrix – if Andromeda chooses Ted, she’ll be disowned. But here you tell us that Narcissa is going to be a bit lost without Andromeda, and I think that’s wonderful. It makes Narcissa so much more human. And it’s not at all unbelievable – we saw how Bellatrix cared about Narcissa in Spinner’s End, so why wouldn’t Narcissa care about Andromeda?
All in all, this is not a bad one-shot. I think it could be improved with some beta reading for mistakes like the ones I pointed out above, but the tone of the story and general flow of the text are very nice. =)
Author's Response: Spewers and their long, fantastic reviews...*sigh* I didn't even notice these errors when I was proof-reading and it looks as if I am going to be revamping most of my fics soon! Many squishes for pointing these out! Anna, Anna, Anna...you know how much I love thee.
Hmm…this is a very interesting piece, wendelin. I liked it and the overall concept but for some reason it doesn’t seem finished to me yet.
I liked the relationship that you have between the sisters. Something that I found interesting is your use of the poem in parts of this story. It seems that it’s something Andromeda should have been saying to her sisters but instead you have included it in the middle for it to support the scenes in the story. This is a really nice touch and it adds to the emotion of the story.
Yet, as I mentioned earlier, parts of the story feel a bit empty to me. I noticed that you said that Narcissa married a man whom she doesn’t love. I think that a bit of elaboration on Andromeda’s part on this subject should have been used. You could have reflected a bit more on her feelings towards that and the difference between her love for Ted and Narcissa’s love for Lucius.
One big thing that I think you could have added was a background on Ted and Andromeda. It doesn’t have to be detailed much but just a general history on them would have made the story flow a bit better and add to why Andromeda chose him and why Bellatrix and Narcissa didn’t like Ted.
Overall, I thought that this was fairly well written. I love the descriptions that you have used (especially the paragraph where Bellatrix walks in the “epitome of flawless grace.”) The descriptions that you have set for the readers are very well written. I hope to read more things from you.
Author's Response: Thank you KC! I thought I would mainly focus on the Black sisters in this story as it was for one of the prompts of SPEW 007 and all my fics were kind of companion pieces to each other. Anyway, it has been FOREVER since I've heard from you. What's up? ~ Wendelin
Nice job. I loved this.
Author's Response: Thank ye very much!
I would say that out of the three, Andromeda made the right decision. Bella is insane, and Narcissa may just lose her child to the Dark Lord. Only Tonks is an adult and happy. So money does buy everything. Very well written pic.
Author's Response: Thanks! And yes, I do think that Andromeda and Tonks are the only sane ones left but then again, where would Harry Potter be without it's misguided characters?
This is excellent.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
Author's Response: Thanks!