wow. this is a very powerful story. i like the depth you give peter's character, and how everything is slightly tainted by his point of view. also, how you really emphasize his lack of self-esteem, and show how that shapes his decisions. this was really well-written and tragic, and i liked it a lot! great job.
This fic makes me despise Pettigrew even more than I already did. He practivally stalks Lily at school, takes advantage and then turns Judas! And just because Katie Umbridge wasn't asthetically beautiful doesn't mean she wasn't beautiful inside. Being related to The Umbridge I'm rather hesitant to comment, but my point is clear, there is more to life than looks. Sorry, Pettigrew just makes me feel sick. Great fic though.
That would have to be hands down, the most amazing POV one shot I have ever read. It was, at first, a bit disturbing to read, but in the end it was a work of art.
Very well done :D
Incredible. I'm shivering reading this. Your characterization was excellent. I really liked Peter's view of Remus. It made sense that if Peter didn't see James and SIrius as truly being friends with him that he wouldn't believe they were actually friends with Remus either.
There's one spot, where Peter Floos to become a Death Eater, where the wording gets confusing. It seems as though there's a word or two missing, and the phrase "threw up" has such a strong connotation that you might want to phrase that differently. Just thought I'd get a little nit-picky on what was an excellent story. ;-)
Truly, though, this was incredibly well-written. The mood permeated every word, and I find myself pitying Wormtail and despising him at the same time. Excellent work!!!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you guys so much for the great reviews.
From all the Marauder era fluff-fiction available on the net it's very easy to pretend that the marauders (and Lily) were perfect and forget that they, like all characters, must have had their flaws.
Then you read something like this and that comfortable image is shattered.
The best Dark/Angsty fic I have ever read, (and I've read a few) this adds such depth to characters who, due to being only partly canon, can appear kind of cartoonish at times. I was on the edge of tears in parts because you made me so angry at the others for the way they treated Peter- the complete apathy stings so much more than any actual mistreatment actually could. Watching Peter's decline into drunk and ashamed was painful, especially as we heard it all in the first person. It blurred the boundaries between black and white, and mixes up the 'good character/bad character' definitions.
'I would never be James, and Peter simply wasn’t good enough.' that was my favourite line. It's just so honest and gives the feel of Peter being omniscient to the other characters feelings and thoughts.
I loved the way that Peter seemed to slip so easily into becoming a Death Eater, here it was just one more step down a path he'd been on for some time, whereas elsewhere in fanfiction there's some collossal event which changes his life completely. I thought this was more realistic, it was just a chain of unhappy events. I think this was hilighted by beginning those two paragraphs with 'People started dying.' and 'People were still dying- I was killing them.' It's chillingly unemotionless and gave me shivers.
The end paragraph is very interesting. I like the parallels of christianity, and I find it intriguing that Voldermort would know stories of Jesus and think them worth his mention. I've never really thought of Voldermort's thoughts on religion, but I suppose he might admire Jesus's 'power' over people and perhaps want to emulate (in an evil way) that? It's an interesting angle.
So what I'm trying to say in this horribly worded review, is that I am intrigued and amazed and saddened and very, very impressed by this fic. I'm sorry if the review doesn't make much sense but I'm still in post-reading shock and can't seem to form a decent sentence! It's truly excellent and is going straight to my favourites list. Very, very well done.
Diamond Quill xx
Author's Response: Wow two incredible reviews in a row. Man am I blessed. Personally Lily and James as characters really annoy me. Maybe it's just because i don't like popular people. =) Wow I'm really awed that you think this is the best dark/angst fic you have ever read, thanks so much. I think it's kind of funny that is your favorite line because when I wrote it that line in no way stuck out at me. Thanks so much for your wonderfull reveiw. -VL
Wow… I’m literally floored by this story; once again, simply amazing. Your manner of writing was very simple yet poignant, and it truly did capture the full and complete essence of Peter. The way he thinks he’s worthless and constantly puts himself down… You managed to pull it off perfectly, without making it seem awkward, unrealistic, or forced. Methinks I like this story even more than “Ashes of Blood and Rain”… and that, my friend, is very high praise indeed.
However, my favourite line of all would have to be this simple one: I didn’t want to feel happy. I firmly believe that you captured the entire essence of Pettigrew’s existence in that one brief sentence. It isn’t something many authors would be able to do successfully, but once again you manage to pull off the amazing.
There were so many other things I loved about this fic; calling the fridge and “ice-coffin” was an excellent touch, as was your biblical reference to Judas (quick note, though—I doubt Voldemort would know enough about religion/the Bible to know who Judas was, but that doesn’t really matter.) I also love how you fast-forward the story and show only critical points in Peter’s life.
Finally, the decision to go with a first-person point of view on this was a good one; you managed to capture Peter’s emotions perfectly. In my opinion, this was especially critical in the scene involving Peter’s interactions with Voldemort. I’m simply awed by the way you portrayed Peter’s shame, fear, and even pride at being with Voldemort; and, of course, how you carried these same emotions to every other aspect of Peter’s life.
I could go on and on pointing out my favourite quotes and everything you did well in the story, and as much as I’d like to, I think I’ll instead point out the very few nit-picks that I did notice.
“Yeah, how he thought it would be ‘bloody brilliant’ to send you flowers – lilies. Even though he knows your favorite flowers are roses.” I really don’t think that Lily would get so mad over something like this… However, I did find it rather humourous. =)
Not the part of the baby that belonged her, that was a girl, no. The part that belonged to James. I don’t really understand that you mean by “that was a girl”. Perhaps you could clarify this?
“Don’t mean to interrupt Lily.” There should be a comma before “Lily”.
“No it’s fine, no problem.” There should be a comma after the first “no”.
“Yes Master?”… Yes my lord.”
There should be commas after “Yes” in both of these sentences.
And finally, you sometimes capitalise “My Lord”, but say “my lord” at other times. =) You should probably choose one and stick with it.
All in all, I think this is definitely your best fic yet. It’s going straight into my favourites, and I simply cannot wait to read more fanfiction from you.
Author's Response: Wow. I don't know if my fic was worthy of such a incredible review, but there it is none the less. I seem to have the great fortune of attracting the best reviews. I am incredibly lucky. I'm really glad that you liked the style I wrote it in. Looking back on it I worried if it was a little too boring or even empty, not nearly as dense as my other style. Unfortunately I wonder if perhaps I am a little to versitile and haven't really developed my own signature style as of yet and just plung into whatever character I'm writing, and whil it does have some positive ramifications it also doesn't make me a very individual writer. Sorry, I'm rambling here, pretensiously too. =) Anyways thanks so much for your fantastic review.