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Name: bella-weasley (Signed) · Date: 08/10/09 19:42 · For: A Road Of Broken Dreams
I dont get it


Name: bertiebott12 (Signed) · Date: 10/07/07 7:49 · For: A Road Of Broken Dreams
Hmmmm, I've never really read a story like this before. It was interesting, but at the same time, a bit confusing. I thinkt that what made it that way was the different parts. I don't think it needed that, and a few good astericks(sp?) could have replaced it just fine. I like the idea, though of Sirius asking his cousin if she would like to run away to the Potters with him. This made me smile, as I had never thought of this.

SO, what inspired you to write this? It is so sweet, but you mixed in some other feelings that I can't honestly pick out. I love when you say;

She has always questioned the night skies- why am I here? What is happening? Why does it have to be this way? In another time, in another place, things might have been different. But perhaps, they were never meant to be.


That is probably the best line of the fic. It is so sad, and it really pulls out feelings from your reader. I also love the line about Meda's exceptions. That was so perfect, and fit in so well.

*Claire*
(Gryffindor Review Crew)


Author's Response: *Giggles* Would you believe it? The SPEW prompts for SPEW 007 were just so fantabulous, they got my writing muscles all uncramped and rearing to go. Thanks for all the crits and the compliments! You reviewers are fabulous people. *Squishes*


Name: bertiebott12 (Signed) · Date: 10/07/07 7:49 · For: A Road Of Broken Dreams
Hmmmm, I've never really read a story like this before. It was interesting, but at the same time, a bit confusing. I thinkt that what made it that way was the different parts. I don't think it needed that, and a few good astericks(sp?) could have replaced it just fine. I like the idea, though of Sirius asking his cousin if she would like to run away to the Potters with him. This made me smile, as I had never thought of this.

SO, what inspired you to write this? It is so sweet, but you mixed in some other feelings that I can't honestly pick out. I love when you say;

She has always questioned the night skies- why am I here? What is happening? Why does it have to be this way? In another time, in another place, things might have been different. But perhaps, they were never meant to be.


That is probably the best line of the fic. It is so sad, and it really pulls out feelings from your reader. I also love the line about Meda's exceptions. That was so perfect, and fit in so well.

*Claire*
(Gryffindor Review Crew)


Author's Response: Aww...thank you for the lovely long review. :)


Name: Ritter (Signed) · Date: 05/23/07 18:54 · For: A Road Of Broken Dreams
Wow, very nice. Great job :)

Author's Response: Thanks!


Name: Cwiddy (Signed) · Date: 05/22/07 12:46 · For: A Road Of Broken Dreams
Wow, is all I can say. Love how you show the similiarities between Andromeda and Sirius, yet show how differently they deal with their pain and life. I can totally see things happening like this...and perhaps Andromeda getting strength from Sirius leaving to do what she needs to do...to be happy and to feel untrapped. :)

Author's Response: Ooooh...that is almost EXACTLY the characterisation I was going for but then I spun it a bit to make it Andromeda who is offering the strength to Sirius. Thank you for the great review! I hope you liked the banner!


Name: megan_lupin (Signed) · Date: 05/06/07 14:22 · For: A Road Of Broken Dreams
I really like this story, regardless of the fact that I don't usually read Andromeda-based stories. Your characterisation of her is wonderful, too, as well as Sirius.

My only criticism would be that some of the dialogue seemed slightly forced or a little unnatural, in my opinion, but it was nothing too grand. (It didn't take away from the story, basically.) In the fourth part, with Sirius's lines of "I am leaving" and when he's speaking to Andromeda just seem a little too formal, I guess. It seemed to read easier if there were some contractions used, but maybe that's just me.

Other than that, the story was very nice, and I especially like that final bit. Those final two lines are just absolutely splendid.

~Megan

Author's Response: Thank you for the crits and compliments! Choppy dialogues hmmmm? I guess I'll get to work on that when I do my spring cleaning this year. :)


Name: BlackClaude (Signed) · Date: 04/30/07 11:38 · For: A Road Of Broken Dreams
Beautiful work! I absolutely love the interaction between Andromeda and Sirius. The sixth section is my favorite; just about every line made say, "wow, yes!" Especially She looks up at him, her face hard and her eyes sad. ‘No, Sirius, you are fighting a losing war.‘ That's just about Sirius's entire character right there! And then He nods at her slowly, not really understanding but nevertheless accepting. I think it's so true that Sirius could never understand, that he doesn't see how people can see the world differently than him, but he accepts her nonetheless. Andromeda is portrayed here as being such a sad, frightened, trapped person, so the contrast between them works very well.


The style of your writing is powerful; I like the episodic nature, and being able to see glimpses of the most significant moments between them. I also like the way you ended the first few sections with the "Sometimes she wishes for" lines. That was quite effective. :) It all flowed very well, very poetically.


I didn't find much to critique, except that I am usually a fan of more contractions in dialogue. In places like "I am glad she is" and "I am leaving," Sirius would most likely use "I'm" instead. So it really depends whether you want to make the dialogue match the formal style of the prose, or if you want to give it a more natural informality. Then, for "Why not Andromeda?" There should be a comma after the "not." But I also think that saying her name again is a bit repetitive at that point since he just said it twice before that. That was the only part that kinda jolted me out of the flow, when the rest went so smoothly.


If all love is exception making, Andromeda has made her greatest exception. Sigh... I just wanted to end on that because it's so lovely and encapsulates the fic so well. Very, very well done!

Author's Response: BC,rnYou know how much I love thee,rnYour reviews leave me all fuzzy,rnI'll even resort to writing lame poetry.rnrn;)rnrnI think a lot of readers don't much like the formal tone of the story so it might undergo a slight re-write during spring cleaning. Thank you for reviewing!rnrn

Author's Response: BC,rnYou know how much I love thee,rnYour reviews leave me all fuzzy,rnI'll even resort to writing lame poetry.rnrn;)rnrnI think a lot of readers don't much like the formal tone of the story so it might undergo a slight re-write during spring cleaning. Thank you for reviewing!rnrn



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