Reviews For In His Head
Reviewer: Hansolohpfrk
Date: 08/24/07 21:50
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

Hadeer,

What a wonderful story you have written, here! I love how you gave Peter a more in-depth motive than what is given in the books. I love how you gradually show the building hatred in Peter, much like Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars. Impeccable.

It also kind of makes me sad how he starts to hate James and Sirius. It's interesting to have a view into Peter's head, for once.

From the start, Peter had hoped things would play out this way.

This was uber-wonderful! It sent chills down my spine!

All in all, Hadeer, it was wonderfully done!

--Hanni

Author's Response: Thanks! ^_^

Reviewer: lily_evans34
Date: 08/24/07 20:36
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

Hadeer, you did a lovely job with this fic. You took the typical roles of good guys and bad guy and reversed them so believably that it made the reader [well, at least me] understand and almost sympathise with Peter.

I thought you made it very believable as to why Peter wanted to get revenge for James and Sirius. That's an every-day kind of situation - someone feeling left out by their friends - and you just took Peter's revenge to the extreme and made it fit in with canon wonderfully. *nods* You did a great job with making this fic canon compliant, spare the whole Sirius-as-secret-keeper thing, though I think it works well the way you had it.

The only time when I thought Peter's characterization was a little shaky was when he saught Voldemort out - I would think that he would have been more timid in canon and afraid to do that. However, that is a great opportunity to show the Gryffindor in him. In most fics I see his cowardly side a bit overdone, so this was a nice change. *nods*

Overall, brilliant job, Hadeer!

Author's Response: Thanks, Rachel!

Reviewer: mspadfoot89
Date: 08/24/07 10:04
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

This was certainly a different take on Peter and his relationship with the Marauders. I did like it, although it through in a bad light one of my fave characters (Sirius). :P

First off, it's true and we've seen it in the books that Sirius and James do make fun of Peter and that's a good starting point for this story. But no matter what the excuse, I still feel that everything is still Peter's own fault. He has had the chance many times, over the years, to tell his friends how he felt. I mean, just the way you portrayed in this fic, the moment he complained to James about feeling left out, he got the Secret Keeper job. If he had said, "Stop making fun of me" earlier, than I feel almost certain the teasing would have stopped. But, just like you showed here, he went on feeding his anger, choosing to feel left, ignoring even Remus was always decent to him. *sigh*

Which, brings me to my other point. Peter could have easily befriended Remus, could he not? If it was always James and Sirius, it could easily have been Remus and Peter, but again, Peter chose the easiset way out. It's almost despicable how much he wants his ex best friend to suffer. What happened to all the good memories an the times that Peter had felt included? Indeed, I'm almost positive that without the Marauders peter would have been a loner, but here are the people that befriended him and here's the way he repays them? And what had Harry erv done to him?

So yes, to end my incoherent ramblings, you did a very wonderful job of showing us Peter's reasons, and while the hurt and the pain is obvious, I still can't help but side with the Marauders (the true Marauders).

On another note, your writing flowed really well, and your way with words was nice. A hooking story.

~Emma

Author's Response: It was meant to look like it was Peter's fault, so I'm glad everyone noticed. Thanks for the review, Emma!

Reviewer: The_Mystic
Date: 08/22/07 15:56
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

I would like to say that I really loved this story. I've always liked the shades of grey that JKR put into her novels, and the Marauders were one of the greys that particularly made me happy. She didn't just make them these happy-go-lucky guys, but rather real people with flaws, who's actions had real consequences for them later on.

And I think you portrayed that wonderfully. I did like that you didn't make Sirius or James 'innocent' in the respect that their actions are what pushed Peter towards Voldemort, rather than him simply heading over there out of fear.

It is quite depressing when you consider the real innocents in this whole matter (Lily and Harry) and how thier lives were ruined because of three people's bad choices.



Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: Indigoenigma
Date: 08/21/07 10:40
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

I wanted to start off by saying how much I enjoyed reading this. I usually don't enjoy fics with Peter in them because he always ends up being the wimp who can't think for himself. And then, further congratulations on having this discussed by the SBBC this month!

In this story, Peter definitely did seem to be made of stronger stuff. Reading it made me wish that someone had stepped in at some point and asked Peter, "Don't you remember how much they helped you to become and Animagus? Didn't you all have a good time together as kids?"

The fact that his revenge was fueled by simple hate is so common. (That's not a bad thing). It's just so fitting that his revenge was driven by something like that. There were no outlying causes, no other schemes, just hatred. I think that really fits Peter's character. He is, of course, the least intelligent (although, not unintelligent) of the group and would be the least likely to think of some grand scheme for revenge.

Overall, I think that it was an fairly accurate portrayal of what Peter would have done. Great job!

~Kelly

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Kelly!

Reviewer: helgaandgodric
Date: 08/08/07 9:01
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

Wow, Hadeer, what a marvelous job! I love the way you wrote Peter. I would never have thought about him being upset about being teased, or about standing up for himself at all. Granted, all that we know about Peter is from James and Sirius, and a little bit from his teachers and Madame Rosmerta in PoA. I said this in my SBBC discussion, but I really am a fan of the way you incorporated canon into your fic. Like, you took the details of what Harry overheard in the Three Broomsticks in PoA and turned them into key comments that affected Peter.

Simply marvelous job, and Iím really glad we got to discuss this fic this month!

Kate


Author's Response: Thank you, Kate!

Reviewer: LadyAlesha
Date: 08/06/07 10:18
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

Hadeer, first off congrats on winning the EMEA and having your fic discussed by the SBBC this month. I donít recall ever reading one of your stories before, and I really enjoyed this, so look out for me browsing your authorís page again some time.

You made me feel really sorry for Peter in the first scene when Sirius and James were teasing him and even Remus was smiling instead of telling them to leave Peter alone. I donít like Peter, I never have, but I could relate to him in this scene, because I, too, know someone who constantly teases and belittles me. Thankfully though I donít call him my best friend or even a close friend. For Peter to be treated like that by his best friends while none of them notice how much it hurts him must have been awful. Iím glad you showed Peter as someone likeable in this scene.

Whatever sympathy I had for him was dwindling while he thought about the wedding though. I refuse to believe that James, Sirius and Remus excluded him knowingly. All the time I was asking myself why Peter didnít just go up to them and congratulated James with them? Iím sure Sirius and Remus wouldnít have sent him away but let him join in on their fun. So in a way I think itís Peterís own fault that he felt like he was being separated from his friends.

I like how you showed his sly and cunning side in his conversation with James about switching Secret Keepers. He knew just what to say and how to play it to make James feel guilty and agree to the switch without a second thought. Sirius might have been suspicious when Peter wanted to meet with James in private, but I donít think James was suspicious of Peterís motives at all during that scene. Itís good to see Peter as more than just a bumbling fool, even though he is driven by slightly irrational hatred here.

He was intent on despising Sirius and James. He wouldnít allow anything to allay his hate.

Peter at that time seemed to be driven by pure hate. No happy memories came to Peter of the foursomeís time together. Only memories of cruel taunting and hurt. It fed his hate as it continued to grow to immeasurable size.


In both of these paragraphs I would suggest replacing Ďhateí with Ďhatredí. I donít know if Ďhateí is grammatically correct or not, but either way Ďhatredí sounds better in these cases, in my opinion.

I really liked this one-shot, while it didnít change my dislike of Peter, I think he is portrayed very well and, while I donít agree with his reasons, I can see why they would have made him do what he did. Very well done, Hadeer.

~Ilka


Author's Response: Hey, Ilka! I'm glad you and many others caught the bit about the wedding; you are right, it is Peter's own fault he was not included. Call him delusional and paranoid. I appreciate the review!

Reviewer: Natasha Johnson
Date: 04/20/07 17:12
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

Hi BloodyRayne! I agree with Skipper, this is a really well-done fiction and your portrayal of Peter is very nicely done.

As I've mentioned before, I loved your idea that Peter would have been changed by his friends and their comments, instead of something more predictable. It just proves that words hurt, and that revenge lives in a weak heart.

I also loved your incorporation of the whole Sirius scene from the books. I always like it when authors take an idea of something that we don't know much about, and then integrate that to hug a scene that we know is canon.

So, lovely job on everything ó style, word choice, description, everything. I'm happy that this has been published and I really believe that you have a shot at winning!

-Jade



Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: Nevica5
Date: 04/20/07 14:47
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

I've seen many one-shootss were Wormtail is somewhat regretful of what he did and haven't seen much of theese were he is just really evil. Good job on the story, I really liked it.

Author's Response: Thankies!

Reviewer: Skipper424
Date: 04/20/07 13:20
Chapter: Feeding Hatred

Hello, Blood Rayne! Very nice story you have here, I enjoyed reading it very much. The lack of a wedding invitation was a wonderful idea for the last straw, the thing that drove Peter over the edge. I can see where he could endure all the name-calling and still call James, Sirius, and Remus his friends. But, when he gets left out of the most important day of his friendís life, he realizes that he is no longer a part of their tight nit group. That was a great idea!


I also like how you portrayed Lupin as the one who reluctantly went a long with James and Sirius. It seems to me, from everything I know about his character, that he would react that way. So, good job on that too.


I did come across a couple of things, however, that I was not so sure about. First, I have a hard time seeing Peter approaching Voldemort. Yes, I can see him angry and hurt over being shut out of his best friendís wedding. Still, he just seems too cowardly to do that to me. What might have worked better (and this is just my own personal thought) is having Peter wallowing in self-pity and the Dark Lord approaching him with the perfect way to get back at his friends. It seems like it is a little more in character to me. Thatís just my opinion.


Also, I have a hard time seeing James and Lily changing their mind about their Secret Keeper based on Peter pleading for it on his own. I think they would be suspicious. I think the only reason they did it was based on Siriusís insistence that he would be an obvious choice.


Regardless of those things I commented on, I think this is a good story and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work and good luck in the challenge.

Author's Response: James and Lily changed their minds for Peter and for themselves...they did it because of Peter's insistence that Sirius would be an obvious choice...that's why the story is marked slightly AU. Thanks for the detailed review!

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