Great first chapter! I love OC stories so shall definitely be reading the rest of this but to start off with I like the beginning, you get right into the action and get the telling of Meredith about her family out of the way done first. I think a lot of OC stories tend to get a bit of 'bad press' so to speak if the OC's have families that are attacked but I've never understood that, b/c in the HP universeits made clear time and time again that many families were attacked when Voldemort reigned, so to me that would just make logical sense that other families (other than Harry) could be attacked. :) So if I could rate it'd be 10/10 great work!
Wow your a great author and well its my name Meredith so me dating hary potter seems kinda cool ps whens the next chapter coming out
My Name Is Meredith THat is so great that my name is in a story
This sounds interesting. You have a few errours here and there with punctuation, but that is slight in most cases. You've grabbrf my attention with the prologue.
Author's Response: Thank you! And yes, I am working to correct the punctuation errors...finally got myself a Beta! I hope you like the rest of it! I'm still fine-tuning everything, but I think I have things figured out now. :)
it sounds like a very good story and I can't wait to see the finished product.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I will hopefully have more up shortly!
i cant wait for the next chapter!!
Author's Response: Thanks!!! I am working on it!! New inspiration, new year. I hope to write more!
loved this chapter, i can feel something happening with Harry and Meredith, can't wait to see her new house and how she settles in!
Author's Response: Um so I am really embarrassed that it has taken almost two years to reply to this...i don't even know how that is possible. wow. so sorry. thank you for your review, and as I have just re-discovered my fanfic and have new inspiration, I hope to be back on pace now!!
UPDATE PLEESE! I cant wait for the next chapter
Author's Response: I am SO So sorry it has taken so long! I got side-tracked and started working on a later chapter. haha. Anyways, i am working to get the next chapter up very shortly!
OMG. this story is great. please i ask you to finish it. thanks
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I should be updating soon, so check back!
OMG. this story is great. please i ask you to finish it. thanks
I love how you put the" new Headmistress of Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall." that is how it should be. love the story so far. thanks
Author's Response: thank you!
Oh, but what’s this? A lonely first chapter without a review? I think I’m going to have to do something about that. ;)
This chapter really does what I believe you intended it to – it introduces your original character (OC) and her background, and sets up a nice starting point for your story. I won’t use the word ‘cliché’, but perhaps ‘classical’, for how you have cut off a character from all that she knows and thrown her into the unknown where, I suspect, adventures are waiting for her. At this point I’m neither for or against that – it can be a good way of spinning things into action, but I advise you to be careful and use all of your imagination so that your OC never turns onto a ‘cliché path’ through your story.
As we’re already talking about her, I think that ‘Meredith’ is a well chosen name for a HP character. It’s not what people refer to as ‘Mary-Sue’, and, to me at least, it doesn’t bear any strong connotations. Thus far we only really know that she cares a great deal about her family, that she’s a bit bored with living in the countryside but knows to appreciate the protection – basically, an average girl, free for you to shape any way you like. I think this is good and I’m a little intrigued about what you might turn her into later, but I think that some readers would have liked a stronger introduction of her; something that stood out, something that was special for Meredith and made people want to read on about her.
What intrigues me even more is how you don’t really reveal whether Meredith is magical or not. The fact that she is aware of the situation of the wizarding world (…a time when there had been so much death.) suggests that she is a witch – but on the other hand you tell us that the Scottish countryside has been her home for all of her life. While I guess that Hogwarts qualifies as “Scottish countryside”, it sounded like you were referring to her family’s estate in particular, and so I’m wondering why she didn’t attend Hogwarts if she is indeed a witch? Answers will probably appear in following chapters, I realise that; I just wanted to compliment you for being so mysterious in the first chapter. ;)
I have some constructive (hopefully) criticism to offer, but not much. Firstly, your story has a bit of a rushed feeling to it – as if you cared about what you wrote, but didn’t work with it much once you had written it. Are you currently using a beta reader? If not, it is something I can most warmly recommend. They would be able to help you with little things like the following:
Meredith closed her thick leather tome she had been reading intently and climbed out of the tree.
In this sentence, it’s supposed to be “the thick leather tome”, as opposed to “her thick leather tome”.
Now in a full sprint, Meredith through herself through the few more yards of thick grass, that was no longer full of beauty and life, but dull and entangled her feet like vines pulling her weight into the ground.
Firstly, I think you meant that Meredith ‘threw’ herself through the grass. And do you mean, literally, that the grass was no longer full of beauty and life, or that it seemed that way because of how Meredith perceived it? Also, the word ‘entangled’ looks like and adjective there, but I see now that you’ve intended to use it as a verb. I would suggest re-writing the sentences like this: “Now in a full sprint, Meredith threw herself through a few more yards of tall grass that no longer seemed full of beauty of life, but dull and dead. It entangled her feet like vines, trying to pull her weight to the ground.”
It seems that you have a knack for descriptions, judging by your first paragraph. I really hope that you will stick with this, but also that you will use it wisely. As my own beta once told me, not many people will want to read 400 words about how a character removes his shirt, but some details thrown in here and there will give your story a feeling of completeness.
Good luck with future chapters! :)
Author's Response: First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I really appreciate the help, it greatly helps me as a writer (and especially since it is my first fan fic!). I'm definitely going to make a few alterations, as you suggested. Thanks again, and keep reading! I hope to throw a few twists and turns in--Meredith is, I promise, no ordinary OC ;)
lol! i just noticed that people have only submitted a review for the chapter where harry potter is in! FAVORITISM!!! -cough- anyway! im loving the story! keep up with it! -sneeze- soz i sneezed! xD keep on with the gooood work. -thinks- god! i sound like my teacher! -shudders-
Author's Response: haha, thanks! I'm glad you like it =) Hopefully I'll get the next chapter submitted this weekend!!! Thanks for reading!
Looks good so far, but it's hard to get a feel for a story in only two chapters. I'll look forward to the next update!
Author's Response: Thanks! As you probably noticed I added the next chapter, and hopefully the fourth will be up soon!