This fiction superbly portrayed a dark, hopeless mood. I liked the way it was broken up into short pieces from the present and the memory. It added to the feeling of brokenness and fragmentation from the ending statement of “She continues to tear the poor monarch into pieces, until there is nothing left of it, just as there is nothing left of Hermione’s shattered soul.” It did seem a dark for Hermione, but if the ‘present’ of the fiction was a long time after the memory I can see how the years could have made her bitter and cold. If it were soon afterward, it would be harder for me to see it happening. One critique is in the sentence, “Ron’s face bursts and all that is left of Hermione’s love is a gooey mess of blood and brains.” The use of gooey seems cold and shallow because of it being used in so many light-hearted subjects: eg. brownies or slime. I think that there could have been a more serious and darker word to use in that instance. Over all, I liked the story, which surprised me because I usually don’t seek out Dark/Angst fictions. I’m definitely going to take a look at your other dark/angst fictions. I like your style.
Oh my... that was a sad story. I can understand how Hermione would have felt- the whole house could hear my gasps even as I read through this. What happened to Harry, though?
Ron's head exploded? *Widens her eyes and promises herself never to imagine such things*. I can't imagine that, I won't! But the story was well written. You've used really strong words. I liked it, even though I'll have to read something humourous, just now (or else I'll have bad dreams).
Author's Response: Sorryfor the graphics, I thought it gave it more...impact. Thanks for the review!
Oh my. Though this story was interesting, I also found it quite disturbing. The exploration of Hermione's reactions to the final battle is a good one, but it just felt a little over the top.
The format of the story was done well to both show how Hermione dealt with the fighting at the time and how she dealt with it after leaving. It does fit that she would freeze in the face of Ron's death by the Sectumsempra curse. The description you used was quite disturbing because of how graphic it was, but I think that was necessary to really show why Hermione would freeze up the way she did.
However, it is hard to picture Hermione remaining frozen as the fighting continues and more people fall. She has proven many times that she can deal with intense situations like that and recuperate quickly and start fighting. It also seemed a little weird for her to just Disapparate and leave all of her friends there alone with no help from her. At the very least, she would've gone to the Order or something to let them know what was going on so they could go to help.
The other rather disturbing part of the story was the last paragraph where Hermione destroys the butterfly. It just seems hard that she would turn to killing innocent creatures simply because she's watched the Death Eaters and Voldemort do the same to her friends. Even with a shattered soul as an explanation seems a little far-fetched for a person like Hermione, who started S.P.E.W. in an effort to aid house-elves.
Another thing that slightly confused me was whether or not the story was taking place right after Hermione left the battle scene or some time later. At first I thought it was quite a bit later, but then, after reading that she had Disapparated from the scene, I wasn't sure if it was right afterward.
Even with all of that, though, the story itself was very well written and interesting. All of the characters are mostly well written and act in character during the fight scenes. And, the overall message of the story, that war has a lasting and damaging effect on people, is definitely quite clear at the end of the story.
Author's Response: Thanks for the detailed review. I've taken to heart what you've said about Hermione and I'll put it to use in the future! And by the way, this was taking place years after the war. Everyone is dead and she's all alone now - that's why she killed the butterfly. She's full of spite and anger and sorrow.
how sad. poor butterfly.
Author's Response: Does that mean you like it? Thanks anyway!
Um....wow. That's really deep, but really beautiful...and kind of creepy.
Author's Response: Yay creepy crawly! Ahem...that was a bit random...thanks for your review!
thats horrible! not the writing the plot and the part at the end, our a powerful writer. I felt like i was there at the battle! loved it!
Author's Response: Wow, you scared me for a second! Glad you liked it!
WOW.....i have no clue what to say. that was good...yet so sad.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for a heartening first review!!!