Beautifully written. :-) I must admit, the heavy religious aspect of it scared me a bit, I'm not very used to it (atheist here), but the writing is so original and fantastic I got over myself. Depressing, but thoroughly amazing story! I'm glad I found it. :-)
Wow. This was justjust amazing. I am totally speechless. The realism coupled with the religious metaphor works so well; your descriptions are penetrating and powerful and true, especially how you described dying as not being a step-by-step process, but something messy and unpredictable.I wonder if the reactions Regulus had on each day correlated to something else, like events in Genesis or the seven stages of grief? I don't know much about either.
My favorite quote:
On the seventh day, he closes his eyes like the dutiful son returning home, like the prodigal lost boy coming back from Never Never Land, like Peter Pan all grown up.
So sad and pretty. I really love this one-shot; it's one of the deepest examinations of Regulus's mind I've ever seen, and so well written. You're truly brilliant; please keep writing.
Oh, snap. I love this. Everything about it, siriusly. -wink-
I positively adore the way youíve set this up, separating each day left of Regulusís life. I love the idea of him finding a bible and reading about the story of the creation of the world. I love the quote at the very beginning, because itís so appropriate, especially if you consider Horcruxes and fragments of souls, etc., etc.
Like waking from the nightmare only to find the murderer leering over you, he realizes on the second day that being dead will not save him. -shivers- Thatís such a great image. And to think that being dead still will not save him is so wonderfully sad. I feel so incredibly terrible for Regulus, because this fic really takes his life and shows us how awful it is. The fact that on the second day, Regulus criesÖoh man, I just want to run up and hug the poor guy. (Unfortunately, that would throw off the haunting-ness of this fic, now, wouldnít it? -shifty eyes-)
You paint a brief picture of the relationship between Sirius and Regulus in this that I absolutely love. Itís obvious that Regulus wished he were more like Sirius, especially because he pretends to be him. How amazing is that idea? So amazing. He pretends to be his brother, to be strong, proud, clever Sirius Black who can control himself (only he can't, but to admit this would be to shatter his illusion, and he prefers the sharp lies to the cutting truth). Itís very interesting to think that Regulus has a skewed view of Sirius, even if he knows itís skewed. But he still wants to pretend that heís his brother, I love it.
He begins throwing punches at imaginary foes, violent anger surging through every pore, being released with every breath, until he lands on the ground at the doorstep at dawn, a crying, sweating, lifeless shell of who he once was. This is another sentence that I love. Your writing is really lovely, especially in how much emotion it evokes. One thing about this sentence, though, bothers me a tad. ĎÖground at the doorstep at dawnÖĒ with the two Ďatsí throws me off a bit while reading.
By the fifth day, he is ready to die. They do not come for him on the fifth day. Oh, Regulus. Poor Regulus! Of course, the day he is ready to die, they donít come for him. Okay, so I was about to quote the entire section about the stages of death, but then I figured Iíd save the space and just talk about it. I think that part is one of my favorites in the whole fic, because itís so perfect. Itís so wonderfully perfect. And finally, the eighth day. I myself have written Bellatrix being the one to kill Regulus, so naturally I like that idea (heh). And God said let there be light. Guh, what a great end to the fic. I mean, it sort of has more than one meaning, doesnít it? Thereís the literal idea of there being the light of the AK curse, but then thereís the suggestion that Regulus is going to a better place, where thereís Ďlight.í Lovely.
Iím sitting here trying to think of some constructive criticism to give, but I honestly canít think of anything substantial. Itís a well-put-together, quality piece, for sure. I will definitely read more of your stuff in the future.
wow and yeh wow
Where to find the words to express my reaction to your one-shot? This was really quite fabulous in a variety of ways, especially the way you use the story to explore Regulus' character and his motivations.
You do a great job with Regulus. You really seem to get into his mind to explain just why he did what he did and how he felt about it. Time and again, the narrative repeats the idea that his choice was a mistake - one he knew would eventually claim his life. The fact that he ends up facing that consequence head-on with thoughts of his brother urging him on is simply fantastic.
The only part I had a hard time with was the following:
He wants to curl up in his mother's lap.
What little we know of Walburga makes it hard to picture her at all maternal and allowing anyone to curl up on her lap. So, it makes it hard for me to think of Regulus wanting to curl up on the lap of someone who doesn't seem to have any a cuddly bone in her body. Of course, it could just be a figurative saying where he's just longing for the kind of connection a person finds when curling up in their mother's lap.
In the end, it's hard not to feel sorry for Regulus by the end of your one-shot. You do a wonderful job of making him a sympathetic character who makes one wrong decision which costs him his life. Well done!
Wow...amazing story. It's very beautiful, very well written. Excellent job!
First review? Oh, I'm doing this as I go, just so you'd know:).
I love the present-tense, it's so different. Makes you stand out:). This is one of those things that you either totally pull it off or you fail miserably. You pulled it off, so good job on that.
He walks around like a paranoid, expecting anyone to leap out from any corner, shrieking - I know what you've done!
Yeah, I've had moments like those, this is so realistic. One of the weird things is that as I'm reading this, I'm deep in the mind of Regulus as oppose to watching him from the side as most 3rd person POVs do. I really, really like it!
Four days after his mistake, he hides in a corner in the dark, pretending not to exist. All the imitation of life threatened by fear, all majestic, heroic I am Sirius Black cries lost in the howl of wind and perceived footsteps begging entry. All pride swallowed in favor of sniveling terror, like a boy stung by the bee he foolishly chased. He has made his own demons, and he is too afraid to live with them.
Just wanted to highlight this because it's very impressive, almost poetic. The bee similee really works here. Everything so far is so emotional, so traumatising. Still very realistic and not overdone.
The fourth day. Wow. Everything is just getting so angsty and insane. Regulus is really losing it. It's still not overly depressing to watch as this human being is broken down because the emotions that Regulus is going through (at this point: anger) are really penetrating. This is sooo well done! You truly do have the psychology all in check, I'll bet you're studying it at school:).
Hmm... so Regulus finds religion. That's daring. Again, a risk, but you pull it off. Most people say that religion and HP don't mix. I'm glad to see that you think differently. Things are getting really interesting here.
He wants to curl up in his mother's lap.
The abrupt change provides shock factor, which I think is cool. Good job!
He supposes that whoever came up with the five stages of dying must have been absolutely batshit fucking mad, because there is no reason, no rhyme, no meter to dying. It isn't poetry, and it isn't textbook perfect pretty. Dying is messy and terrifying and there is no way to define it by steps or stages or facts of life.
Holy crap! You manage to fit God, angst, darkness, insanity and the five stages of dying all in a one-shot HP fanfiction?! That's really something... I'm officially checking out your author's page for some more after this. What Regulus is thinking about there being no prettiness to death is so true. I know people who've watched others die and they say basically the same thing! This is insane... I haven't seen your penname anywhere before, which is weird. I doubt this is your first fanfic...
The eighth day dawns in a blood-red fiery sheen, and he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will come for him on the eighth day (and he saw that it was good). He waits for them outside the little hovel, waits dry-eyed and more afraid than he would ever admit, and somewhere in the back of his mind he whispers that his brother would be proud of him. When dear cousin Bellatrix looks him in the eye, he grins.
Took you long enough, didn't it?
Sirius would have been so proud of his spineless little brother. The book closes with a laugh and a grin and a bittersweet salvation of a potential never realized - tortured, broken, bruised, shattered wings fluttering down to waste.
And God said let there be light.
Amazing ending! Wow, this is one of the best one-shots I've ever read. I canít even think of anything to make this story better. This won't be your last review, I'm sure tons of people will love this. The ending... blows my mind. The last sentence just sums everything up entirely. Five stars. This is incredible.
*goes and checks out author's page*