Reviewer: quibblequill
Date: 05/06/08 22:37
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

What?!? Why are all the L/S fics one-shots? Not fair.... they make a nice couple.

Author's Response: so... I take it you liked it? :P thanks for reviewing.

Reviewer: Dory_the_Fishie
Date: 03/21/08 18:05
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Squee, Sirius/Lily! I’ve come to really adore this pairing, and I’m glad you’ve written such a fabulous fic about them. You rock.

I like how you’ve written Lily, for the most part. There are some aspects of her character that I wouldn’t have written there, but that’s fine. Obviously you’re not going to write the same Lily as me. It’s interesting that you made her a writer; I don’t know if I really think she would have been, but it works well to explain how she feels, etc. There was one small thing that struck me as maybe out-of-character, but I don’t know if that’s just me. I wouldn’t think she would speak to Sirius first, and I don’t think Sirius would have just not noticed her in the room. I picture Sirius speaking to her first, but maybe that’s just me. I just feel like Sirius would be forward in that situation, which is also sort of evident when he initiates the kiss (although Lily kisses him back, really…hm).

Anyway. I think I liked your Sirius more than your Lily. Him, I had no qualms with. And I’m very picky when it comes to Sirius’s characterization. When he said he didn’t see any reason for why Lily shouldn’t be happy – that was great. Very Sirius in my mind. It’s clear that he just cares about her, which is sort of how I see the Sirius/Lily relationship. There’s some connection there, even if in canon it was never a romantic one. I think that’s why some people (like you -wink-) can write a romantic Sirius/Lily relationship and make it believable.

This may seem like a really strange thing to comment on, but I have to mention it. Normally I’m really not a fan of internal dialogue, just because it usually feels awkward. Most writers have too much of it, to the point where you have to wonder how sane the character is. -shifty eyes- But you used it well here, in the beginning. I liked the reflections about Lily’s character as well. The stubbornness, which is so evident from canon. And I liked that she felt insecure and stressed, because that’s realistic. I think a lot of people try and write Lily off as a mixture of Hermione and some superwoman, which isn’t realistic or nice to read. Your Lily was easy to identify with.

Finally, the ending. The kiss! But you’re lame for ending it like that. But the kiss was so fabulous that I suppose I can forgive you. I mean, it’s believable that Sirius would just leave after they kissed, just sort of leave her wondering. It’s Sirius. And it’s great that it inspired Lily to write, of course. But I have to wish there were more of this, because I’d love to see what you could do with Sirius/Lily. So overall, great job, and keep it up!

Author's Response: Guh, Leanne! You officially rock more than me for writing this fabulous review. You know... I really wasn't thinking very much when I wrote this story. >.> I mean, what you were saying about Lily's character, and the way she approached Sirius, I totally understand where you're coming from. I think I was focusing more on the scenerio to get the characters together than the actual characterizations, you know? I think that if I were to rewrite this, I'd definitely change certain things about Lily. And, yes, I guess decisive endings aren't exactly a strong point of mine. >.> Hee, I'm glad you liked the kiss though, and Sirius. Coming from you, that's quite the compliment. ;) And thank you again, for the most wonderful review! *squishes*

Reviewer: sayiansirius
Date: 01/02/08 20:21
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Oooooh! Iím telling Jamesy!! *sniggers*

This was very well written, Rachel. The setting was well placed and the rain on the rooftop was a nice addition.

I think your characterization of Lily was, overall, done rather well. She handled herself very well in the situation that she was in. The dialogue between her and Sirius is imaginable. My only problem with her is that to me, Lily would have seemed less reluctant to speak to Sirius; especially about what she was writing. She kind of reminds me of Hermione in a way and if you could have added a bit of that annoyance of someone like Sirius bothering her about her writing, it would have made her character perfect for me.

On the other hand, I could see nothing wrong with the character of Sirius. He wasnít as arrogant as James but he still had that air around him. I liked that you loosened him up a bit and made him a bit of a pest. That was very believable.

My only problem with this was the kiss at the end. While I liked that Sirius came in but pulled back, leaving Lily to go for the kiss, I didnít think it should have been described as ďpassionateĒ. I just imagine it as a spur of the moment thing that will not mean anything a couple of days after it happened.

Apart from that, it was very lovely, Rachel.

~KC :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, KC! You're completely right about the ending - I wrote this at about ten at night the night before it was due and half of it wasn't nearly as strong as I'd have liked - I think the kiss was way off. As for Lily's characterisation, I absolutely see where you're coming from. I tried to add a certain amount of annoyance at Sirius, but at the same time, I didn't want it to be too overbearing... like she was too caught up with being upset at Sirius to share anything with him, which sort of defeats the purpose of the prompt. Hee, I like writing things where two random characters are thrown together and get to talking... it's sort of how I handle are rarepair fics. *rolls eyes* Anyway, I really appreciate your input; thanks so much! *hug*

Reviewer: hermione_granger4life
Date: 12/09/07 13:45
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

AWWWWW! I really like this! Sirius is one of my favorite characters and I think you did a really good job on this. It's def being added to my favorites. Aww...I really wish this was a chaptered one! Lol.
*Emma

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Haha, trust me, you're glad this is a one shot; whenever I dare to attempt a chaptered fic I end up updating once a year if even that. ;) Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Idiot of ravenclaw
Date: 07/09/07 19:53
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

wow I never really thought of Sirius and Lily, not that it wasn't good. Because it was. I liked this story. Their were some parts that I thought were kinda funny.

Author's Response: thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Just Tink
Date: 06/23/07 10:36
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Rachel, how do you manage to write these stories so well every time?

I really enjoyed Lily's characterization in this story- she reminded me a lot of Hermione, and you made her interesting and conflicted without conflicting anything Jo has written, which is difficult. I never thought of Lily writing, but the explanation she gave was very nice- it made sense, especially when Lily started ranting about how she needed to keep her plot secure because nothing else was. This is an odd comparison, but she sounded a lot like an anorexic person- only instead of trying to control her body, she's controlling her story.

Sirius, as well, is nicely done- too often authors mess up his character, but you portrayed him well. It made sense to me the way he acted, which is more than I can say when I'm reading most stories with Sirius in them.

The only thing that I wasn't as crazy about was the kiss- it seemed a little sudden to me, paritcularly as it was described as 'passionate', which to me didn't fit with the tone of the story. I sort of expected Lily to kiss him quickly or something and then leave.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this story- keep up the great work, Rachel!
~Jerri

Author's Response: Tink! Thank you! *huggles* I agree about the kiss; I'm thinking about going back and editing this later. *giggles at comparison* Odd as that is, I sort of agree; Lily does seem a bit anorexic in that she wanted to be able to control something in her life. Thanks for the compliments on characterization; I was afraid I'd completely messed these two up. *shifty eyes* Thank you again for a wonderful review! :D

Reviewer: Rae4408
Date: 06/19/07 1:25
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

wow..
that was really really good.

Author's Response: thanks!

Reviewer: Medora
Date: 06/10/07 15:52
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

nice story. interesting ending

Author's Response: thanks

Reviewer: BlackClaude
Date: 06/04/07 0:45
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Thank you for writing such a wonderful Sirius/Lily fic! I love the pairing and you've done them well. You didn't compromise either of their characters to bring them together, which is what makes it work so well. I particularly love how Sirius is really not all that dashing on the surface. You haven't made him into the Romeo who sweeps Lily off her feet; he's actually pestersome, he doesn't have any "lines," and Lily doesn't seem to think too much of his intellect. But still, despite that, his natural charm comes through clearly and the tension between them is palpable without having to be spelled out. (Not a small feat!)

I also love that the attraction between them is based on their opposite natures, which is portrayed well in the context of how they live their lives. Especially how it's Sirius's advice to live for the moment that makes her kiss him, even though he's the one who pulled back at first. So he almost seduced her indirectly, while she made the direct move. It's a nice contrast. :)

My only suggestion would be to draw out the end a little more. The actual kiss went by so quickly after the long build-up, it was almost blink-and-you'll-miss-it. I realize that the point of the story is more about Lily's changing philosophy on life and that the kiss by nature was a fleeting thing, but I'd still like to see just a bit more detail to back up the "passionate" description. ;)

Overall, great job with the characters and a fantastic fic!

Author's Response: Hee!

Reviewer: BlackClaude
Date: 06/04/07 0:44
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Thank you for writing such a wonderful Sirius/Lily fic! I love the pairing and you've done them well. You didn't compromise either of their characters to bring them together, which is what makes it work so well. I particularly love how Sirius is really not all that dashing on the surface. You haven't made him into the Romeo who sweeps Lily off her feet; he's actually pestersome, he doesn't have any "lines," and Lily doesn't seem to think too much of his intellect. But still, despite that, his natural charm comes through clearly and the tension between them is palpable without having to be spelled out. (Not a small feat!)

I also love that the attraction between them is based on their opposite natures, which is portrayed well in the context of how they live their lives. Especially how it's Sirius's advice to live for the moment that makes her kiss him, even though he's the one who pulled back at first. So he almost seduced her indirectly, while she made the direct move. It's a nice contrast. :)

My only suggestion would be to draw out the end a little more. The actual kiss went by so quickly after the long build-up, it was almost blink-and-you'll-miss-it. I realize that the point of the story is more about Lily's changing philosophy on life and that the kiss by nature was a fleeting thing, but I'd still like to see just a bit more detail to back up the "passionate" description. ;)

Overall, great job with the characters and a fantastic fic!

Author's Response: BC! SQUEE! I really appreciate your fabulous review dear, and I'm so glad you liked teh story. :D:D And yes, I completely agree with you about the kiss being too quick. I may have to go back and edit this in a little while. Thanks again! *hugglesquish*

Reviewer: Sly Severus
Date: 06/03/07 19:32
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

*huggles SPEW buddy*


Rachel! I had a hard time deciding which of your fics to read and review. I will admit that I was disappointed that I couldnít use your Andromeda fic because I reviewed it ages ago, but now Iím glad that I couldnít. If I had done that, I would have just read that fic again and not experienced this wonderful one and that would have been a mistake.


This was really great. I was caught up in the story from the very beginning. So many Lily fics make her come off as Mary Sueish, but you most certainly did not do that. Your Lily was a very intricate and believable character. I absolutely loved the way you handled her.


There werenít many days like this, in which words simply escaped her, and she found nothing more frustrating.


I loved this line. It just screams Lily, or the way I see Lily, anyway. Again, I would like to say that your characterization of her was perfect.


I also liked how you made her a writer. That part of her reminded me of myself when I was younger. I have always written to relief stress and find normalcy in my life when there is no normalcy anywhere else. The only difference between me and Lily now, is that I am very open about my writing. Thatís what I hope to do with my life and I have no hesitations telling anyone that. However, I could still see a lot of myself in Lily and her writing.


I could also see myself in Lily when she was reluctant to change her plot because it was the one stable thing in her life. I hate to see my life thrown into confusion and chaos. I think I would be reluctant to give up the last stable thing in that situation as well.


My ability to relate to Lily made her character so much more real. I know, I have already told you that you handled her well, but I just donít think I can overstate it. This is the best version of Lily I have read in fan fiction.


I also liked Sirius. He seemed very canon. It was nice to see him tell Lily to loosen up and go with the flow. I think she really needed someone to tell her that. Itís also nice to see Lily taking advice from someone like Sirius, considering she normally thinks heís a bit erratic.


I do have a couple of minor nitpicks for you:


Lily wanted nothing more to retire to her dormitory, but her stubborn demeanour would have none of that.


I think it should be: Lily wanted nothing more than to retireÖ


Sirius was half way across the room before he noticed that he was in company.


For this sentence, halfway should be one word. Also, I think the end is a little off. Maybe if you said, he noticed that he was not alone. I donít know. That might just be a preference thing, but I thought I would mention it.


Anyway, this was a truly amazing story. I believe this is the third story of yours that I have read. You are clearly a great writer and I look forward to reading more of your stories. Great job!


Author's Response: Elle! *tackles* Man, that was a speedy review. Do forgive me if mine takes a while, but I've got exams, so I probably won't get around to it for two weeks or so. *facepalm* But yes, I shall have it written before review period's up. :D

ANYWAY. Thank you so much for the FANTABULOUS review! I'm really glad that you thought Lily was a relatable character; that's what I was going for when I chose to make her a writer. ;) *facepalm* Stoopid typos. *makes note to correct* And yes, I agree that sentence ends a bit oddly; I actually noticed that when I was rereading it, then I read the next line to find that you thought the same thing. o.O Talk about confusing sentences. *shifty eyes* Ahem. Before I ramble myself to death, I shall once more thank you for the wonder review! And I'm quite glad that you liked it, and thought the Lily/Sirius worked well! :D

Reviewer: james_fanatic
Date: 05/28/07 5:43
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

I thought this was a very good story, and I took pleasure in reading it. But rather than just say that, I will tell you why

Reason One:
I thought the setting for this story was perfect. You put Sirius and Lily in the place that had been part of their home for the past seven years. You put them where they were probably the most comfortable, and that made it easier for them to talk to each other. I also think it just ... fits. The way you had the one little candle flickering and how you had Lily with her notebook out, just sitting there. I really liked it.

Reason Two:
The characterization was done really well. I know you have had people comment on this before, but I thought I'd do it anyways.

I liked how you did Sirius. You kept him in his sort of "self-loving" manner shall we say? You kept him swaggering and thinking he was the best until he talked to Lily. I think you made him really sensitive and wise when he was talking to Lily. For once, he was serious (no, not a pun) about something. He was because he wanted to help Lily.

I think Lily was in character pretty much the whole time, but I think it was just a little unrealistic to have Lily spilling her heart out to Sirius. I think it would have made it even better than you have written it if Lily would have been a little more unsure of if she should tell Sirius. Maybe she could have stuttered or stopped more often when she was talking to him, or something like that. I do like Lily's characterization, I just wanted to make a tiny suggestion.

Reason 3:
I think the best thing about your story was the idea. You made it so appealing. Lily was in need of help. Sirius was being his usual self, wandering about at night, and stumbled upon her. Lily finds herself telling Sirius everything about her. Not just blurting out everything, mind you, actually taking comfort in the fact that Sirius was there for her. I think that is the best part of the story. Sirius was there for Lily. She didn't have anyone, and Sirius turned up. She finally found someone to love and someone to love her back.

I really enjoyed this story, and I wish you happy writings in the future.

~Jamie~

Author's Response: Oh wow, I really appreciate the depth of your review! Thank you! And yes, I completely agree that Lily probably should have been more hesitant to talk to Sirius, but this was in response to a quote that went something along the lines of: "anyone can be trusted with your life, but only a few can be trusted with your world" [which I should have put at the beginning of this fic]. That's the only reason that I wrote comfortable!Lily, but yes, I agree with what you said. :) Thanks again for the fantastic review!

Reviewer: Valentinia
Date: 05/28/07 3:38
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

I really enjoyed your characterization of Lily! :D I think she's really hard to pull off and you managed it fairly well. Same for Sirius, I loved the pastries falling out of his pockets/sleeves! Seeing Lily's life reflected by her writing was a really good comparison and your own writing was very good as well!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: Wand_Waver2006
Date: 05/27/07 17:44
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

That was so sweet! I've never read a Lily/Sirius before--first time for everything, eh? I love that Lily has a notebook--I too use one--and that she takes it personally. You write Sirius well, as well as a good Lily.

A wonderful story for the archives, dear!

~Star

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! :D

Reviewer: _Ivy_
Date: 05/26/07 20:26
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Yes! A Lily/Sirius story! *happydance*

Ahem, okay, now that I'm done celebrating that... I love this story! It's so realistic, and neither character was OOC. Sweet without being too fluffy, this was definitely an excellent one-shot! Great job!

-Laila

Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you liked it!

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 05/26/07 19:36
Chapter: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Hey Rachel! Nice story, I loved how in character Lily and Sirius seemed; let's face it, we don't know much about them as teenagers, and your characterizations were well done, believable, and enjoyable. I liked how Lily was always questioning herself for talking to Sirius about herself; it makes me wonder what was going through his head.
The end was so cool, what a kiss! Who wouldn't want to kiss Sirius Black at that moment. I like that you didn't make them awkward afterwards; he smirked - perfect! - and she smiled. I'm dying to know what she wrote afterwards. ;)
Very nice Lily/Sirius moment! I'm glad I stopped to read it tonight. :)
~Gina :)

Author's Response: aww, thank you Gina! I really appreciate the review, and I'm so glad that you thought I did an accurate job with the characterizations; I was a bit worried! *loves*

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