I just reread all the chapters hoping that there would be more chapters, Why aren't there more chapters??!! Hope to see more soon
Whew! Thank the lord for that! All is well and happy, and he survived. Some of the similies or metaphors or whatever they are are brilliant, like... can't remember an example offhand, but they were there. Three little things: should be tired (sleepy) not tiered (like a cake or dress), this came up twice. There are speechmarks randomly floating at the end of an un-speech paragraph (they need exterminating). And you suddenly switched to first person- "Handed me a ..." instead of "handed Cho a ..." or something, near the end.
Oh! I remembered another bit I liked: The 'E' plant having heart-shaped leaves, like all cutesy, but possibly death-bringing. I thought that was a nice touch. Ooh, what will happen next??? (strokes imaginary goatee)
Author's Response: Yes, so they all live happily ever after...I don't think so! Tommorow will be a big writing day, so BE PREPARED! The first person? [slaps forehead] I dunno why, but I randomly started writing in 1st person at the very end of the chapter. I thought I'd got rid of them all, but obviously not...
Okay, whew, breathe, I'm calm.
That was a really good chapter.
Well written, well structured, not
too long or complicated... But
total, ruthless, unmittigated
EVIL! Good job you've already
written the next bit: there will be
a lot of bloodthirsty reviewers
out there. Typo: I think you put
way or something like that when
you meant was, or vice versa.
Can't quite remember, you may
need to check up on that... I think
it was while Robert was speaking
near the start... Oh yeah, sorry
I've messed up the formatting of
your reviews with the 'spelling'
one (heehee). Get typing girl!!!
Author's Response: [cackles evilly] I lurve being evil! Ok, Ok, I'm typing. Look at me I am I am. Please don't kill me!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU KILL HIM AGAIN!!!!!!!
YOU BETTER GET THAT NEXT CHAPTER
UP QUICK GIRL, BEFORE THE SUSPENSE
WRECKS MY HEALTH...............................
Author's Response: Ok, Jo. Breathe. In and out. in and out. Don't worry, I won't keep you in suspense for long...
I've just read a few reviews and it seems my last one has caused comments. I'm very sorry, that is, to my knowledge, the longest review I've ever written and all i can say in my defense is when the thoughts pop into my head my fingers won't stop typing. Also, that Arnold guy is an actor in the Terminator movies and now governor of California, but I've personally never been too keen on him.
Author's Response: Your review was brilliant and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. We're just a bit in awe of your amazing, perceptive reviewing skills!
Oh no, I hope all of those casualties have simple injuries, or they'll be in big trouble left in Cho's hands. In a perfect world she'll cure everyone and have the shelves fully reorganised by the time Robert comes back from his brother's wedding. I really enjoyed their conversation, the chink in Roberts armor is getting bigger. I can't wait for more, hope Mad eye is alright or else then what will they do? And who are the five order members that were killed?
Author's Response: Don't worry, the other casualties will survive (hopefully) until Robert returns. A perfect world, eh? Hmmm, well I'm not sure, I don't want to spoil the next chapter for you! The 'chink in Robert's armour'? Hey, I like that, it describes him perfectly. And don't worry, I lurve him as much as you do! And for the rest, it shall all be revealed!
What? Please update soon!!!
Jeeze, you had to leave off there..
Author's Response: I know, I know, it was the most evil cliff hanger since the world began [smirks evilly]. In my defense, I did have to split what was going to be one chapter into two (it was getting absolutely massive, even by my standards) and that was a conveiniant place to stop. Anyway, I've actually finished writing the next chapter, so all I need to do is type it up (groan) and submit it!
I'm sorry about that, I'm just going to take myself off to the nitpickers' society for some intensive rehab.
Ah, much better. Now, I can actually speak in comprehensible english. (Clears Throat) You can't spell simile. It's spelt like this: S-I-M-I-L-E. Smile with an extra 'I', yeah?
Author's Response: I'm sorry, it's not MY fault that I can't spell! It's also not my fault that I can't type properly. NOTHING is my fault!
Author's Response: Thanks! [tries not to seem smug]
Lulu Sugar, you are a nut. In the kindest possible way. Arnie S, indeed... And you, Phoebe Gruzelier, are also a nut, but a different kind. Hopefully not a hazelnut though, otherwise you would be allergic to yourself. May be problematic.
Author's Response: Of course I'm a nut! How could you possibly mistake me for anything else???
....ok, firstly, you must write the next chapter very, very fast. Like arnold shwarznegger of writers. Ok?
.....Draco is great! Your writing of him as a moody teenage brat is fab. And I love the way he has to change. Change is the oil in the engine of life. (Wow, that was deep).
......Please please please don't put Myra and Draco together! I will throw myself out a skylight and I'm not even joking. Don't do it, unless you want my death on your conscience.
.......Your similes and metaphors are great-my favorite was gormless little parasite. That really made me proud.
.......Ok, now I have to be mean. I'm sorry,but I know you're good at taking constructive criticism. Please do't be offended. It's just a few tiny, stupid things.
.......I thought maybe Harry should use another insult apart from prat, like 'git' or 'pile of dragon dung' . Something like that.
.......maybe another simile apart from chocolate for Hermy's hair. Like hazlenut or oak or something. Ok those are really crappy but you'll think of something better
.......now here's the biggie. I think Hermione sounds too wimpy. When Dumbledore asked her to solve the prophecy, I think she would have been nervous but brave about the challenge.
......In connnclusion-I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. I love Cho and Robert Moore, they're such a great pair!
Author's Response: Right, who exactly is Arnold Sw-whatever his name is? And I won't write as fast as him, I'll write faster! I've already finished the first draft of the chappie (now I just have to type it up...) 'Change is the oil in the engine of life'. Wow, that was deep, I'm proud of you! But yes, I love books where characters have to change either their opinions or their a personality trait. It's tres cool.rnNow come on, would I ever reveal to you the sacred mysteries of who is going to get together? Let's just say Myra is involved (romantically) with more than one boy during the course of the story (though not neccessarily at the same time. I'm glad I made you proud! Simalies are so difficult - they either sound really cliched and predictable, or really weird. OK, new insult for Harry, and no chocolate for Hermione's hair (it sounds really boring and cliched and I can't believe I wrote it. But brown IS a really hard colour to find nice simalies for. And alot of people have brown hair/eyes: Hermy, Cho, BCJr, Myra etc) And Hermy's reaction WAS completely OOC for her. I have no idea what possessed me when I wrote that. I love Cho and Rob as well. Writing their banter is SO fun!
....JESUS! Binka Fudge wrote a long review! I kindof gave up, because neither of you guys seem to like paragraphs.
.... I LOVE MYRA MIX!
She's like a kickass tonks/luna. And her nail varnish is funkalicious!. She is my new idol. And I wouldn't mind flirting with Sirius, even if he is a bit old. Oh, and the no sports thing is just up my street. She reminded me a bit of me actually, except she's way cooler and prettier etc.. But did you have put her in griffindor? Everybody's in griffindor? Oh and Mollie sounds like a turd
....I LOVED the whole thing with Cho and Robert Moore! It was hilarious!
.....I'm just going to go through the story again and then leave another review.....
Author's Response: I know!!! Binka Fudge's review was probably longer than all 7 Potter books put together (she's amazing, though). In my defense, for some reason when I answer reviews, I can't put paragraphs in. It goes all weird like this:rnrnI love Myra Mix too! My only problem with her was that I was worried that she wouldn't live up to my image of her. I needn't have worried, Myra can take care of herself! I knew you found Sirius hot, so I decided to have them flirting (I don't find him remotely attractive, but that's just me). I don't think she's much like you, really. But I did base some of her on things you've said that have helped me understand girls like her better (i.e. the whole dating boys on their looks, which I still don't really understand, but you explained). I put her in Gryffindor because I thought that very few of MY characters are Gryffindor (the ones I've borrowed off JKR and the ones I've invented)...except Hermione, and Harry, and Myra, and Rob and...actually that's quite a lot of characters (sorry, I've just realised). Well, I don't think she really fits in any of the other houses, to be honest. I wanted to give Myra a sister who resembled a turd, because I thought way too many of my characters are only children.rnAnyway, thanks for reading!
Wow, it is long, isn't it? I'm liking Myra flirting with Sirius. Just a guess here, but I bet 'MHM' stands for either Moore or Myra Mix. She has an odd last name. I also liked the little bit with Cho and Moore. Still not sure about the parent swap... we'll see. I won't even ask how much thought you gave to describing each female character in infininte detail. Good chapter. Oh, I found a couple of typos - near the start you but 'he' instead of her, and I think you meant bushy- instead of busy-haired for Hermione, althought the latter also works. There may have been one more, but my memory fails me. Keep writing! (Where would you hear a similar closing statement to that?)
Author's Response: Thanks for the typos - I never pick them up myself, no matter how many times I read through it!rnrnI'm glad you liked the bit with Rob and Cho, I was a bit worried it was going to sound a bit OTT, but I wanted to have it in for a bit of comic relief. And also it was a big 'community' chapter, with nearly all the main characters in it (apart from the evil ones, of course) and so they really needed to be there.rnrnFemale character's desciption...don't even ask. In my defense, it's way more fun, because girls have lots of hair!rnrnAnyway, thanks for reviewing. I lurve your closing statement, Jo! And I wish the same to you...
This story is great! I love the mystery of the Six, and how they will somehow be drawn together. I really like how the characters' lives are all connected and every chapter is so much fun to read. I also just love Robert. He's such a fun, irritating character and I enjoy reading about him, always. So please make me really, really happy by updating!
Sparkles and daisies to you!! :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the sparkles and dasies!rnIt was kinda the plan to have everyone's lives woven together. Basically, it started out as two seperate plot lines: Hermione's story, and Cho's story. Gradually, as I introduced more and more complex characters and sub plots (like Draco and Myra, and Cassandra, and the Malfoys etc etc) everything started merging together becoming one big tangled crazy epic. rnI'm glad you like Robert. As much as I love him too, after I've just written one of his particularly sarcastic comments, I just want to punch him. Really hard. On the nose. Actually, I want to make Cho punch him, but (at the moment) she's restraining herself. rnI've written most of the next chapter (which I may end up splitting into two because it's about twenty-five pages in my note book and still growing), but I still haven't edited it yet, or typed it up. Still, my school's about to break up, so I'll be able to write loads when I'm on holiday.rnSee you soon with the next chapter!
P.S. I've been reading some of your other reviews and it appears I can give you points? Well, here goes... Take a whole snitch worth of points because your fic is fantastic!
Author's Response: I lurve con crit!
I'm so glad you've updated this story, it's excellent. And what an absolute shock for both Harry and Draco, I wonder if they'll be brought together because of this. Myra is a fascinating character, hope we see more of her. I'm quite at a loss when it comes to working out the prophecy. On that note, should Hermione not have told Dumbledore about Crouch having a copy too? Oh, and I'm hoping the six elements are Harry, Draco, Hermione, Cho Ginny and Ron. Dumbledore said they need a planner which could be Ron, an organiser maybe Hermione, a people person perhaps Ginny, although she's not displaying those qualities at the moment, Cho could be the peace-maker, and Draco and Harry the leader and fighter. Well, it sounded good in my head anyway. Maybe Robert Moore will turn out to be one of the six, we don't know any of his past yet. Also, the prophecy spoke of a male who came from a black and a red flower was it, well Dumbledore said that was Harry, but would it not technically be Draco? I'm confused, but don't worry that doesn't take much. I wonder why Dumbledore thought Cassandra would be improving, is it because the prophecy that caused her so much pain is reaching fruition or was she just recieving a new treatment? Also, Narcissa offered Harry thinking space at the Malfoy's, but would that not be one of the most dangerous places for him to go? Isn't he the only one Voldemort is sure is one of the six? Aren't Lucius and Narcissa supposed to continue their role as Death Eaters? It'd be no good at all if Bellatrix popped round while Harry was there having afternoon tea. It's also odd that Professor Trelawney's prophecy sort of contradicts Cassandra's, I mean Draco should've been the one marked by Voldemort, as he was the one BORN to those who'd thrice defied him. Perhaps all prophecies don't come true as Dumbledore once said. On the other hand, maybe Draco is the one that Voldemort has marked as his equal, I mean why would Voldemort consider Harry an equal? Draco is much more like him, as he's been brought up with the same ideals. Perhaps Draco is the one with the power the dark lord knows not, perhaps Lucius and Narcissa have secretly defied Voldemort three times in their role as double agents, and maybe Draco's power is his knowledge gained from growing up on the wrong side coupled with his determination to have nothing to do with it anymore. He even admitted while facing Lucius and Narcissa, that they'd brought him up the wrong way. Wow, this must be the longest review I've ever written, if you've read this far I'm so sorry. Anyway, I can't wait to read on and see if Cho and Robert's working relationship improves, if Hermione works out the remaining verses of the prophecy, if Harry and Draco come to terms with everything and if they bond because of it. So please keep writing.
Author's Response: WOW! Your review was AMAZING!!!! It's longer than most of my chapters. I always love con crit, and to honour your magical review, I will discuss it in great depth.... Here goes: Poor Harry and Draco. I don't know how I could be so cruel to them. I tried to write sympathetically towards both of them, even though I'm not crazy about either of them. If Myra's half as fun to read as she is to write, then she's fulfilling her job nicely (to provide a little relief from all the drama and tention). You won't belive how glad I am that you can't work out who everyone is in the prophecy (is very gleeful). I didn't want people to be able to guess who the Elements were really easily, and (because I've known who they were since forever) it seems really obvious to me who they all are. ANYWAY... Hermione and Crouch and the prophecy: there is a tale to tell there [is a little smug] and that little plot strand hasn't been completed so bear with me. Who are the Elements? You haven't got them all right, but you haven't got them all wrong either. other than that, my lips are sealed. (But I was worried that the Elements were all really predictable people, but clearly that's not the case.) Ok, just to warn you the next bit IS CONFUSING. Are you ready? So, Draco is EARTH, NOT Harry (though of course it's perfectly possible that he could be Fire or Darkness etc...). Dumbledore asked if Cassandra was improving partly because she's finally unburdened this horrible weight she's had on her for years, and partly because Dumbledore cares about Cassandra AS A PERSON, not just as a source of infomation. He's asking in the vauge hope that she's possibly got better in the last two months. rnNarcissa sorta meant (how do I put this...?) if you ever need any help that we can give, just ask. And if you ever need a place to go, then Malfoy Manor is always open to you ie. in the years to come, after the war. Or, if Harry was on the run, he could hide at MM, because I'm sure that wizards have ways to conceal rooms etc. I don't think anyone was envisonaging Harry to visit frequently or on the spur of the moment. And definitely not for tea on the lawn. rnAlso, not all prophecies come true, and bearing in mind that Trelawney's prophecy was revealed in the 5th book, and I'm continuing after the 4th, so most of the stuff in the books after I don't really use. But I suppose you could say that there are lots of possible futures, and Cassandra and Trelawney only Saw two different ones.rnYes, part of Draco's usefulness lies in his knowledge of the other side, but the Elements and what they'll do is far more complicated, and makes this chapter look like a picture book in comparison. Thankfully, next chapter is Rob and Cho being...well, themselves which is a little more simple. rnThanks for your great review, and don't worry, I'll always Keeeep Writing!
I love your writing style. Everything flows very nicely.
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I really don't think that the first chapter is very well written (it was kinda a while ago now, and I hope I've improved). But still, I'm not complaining if you like it!
This is fantastic!! the plot, the description, the characters!!
Oh, pllllleeeeasssse keep on writing more and update soon!!
Author's Response: Thanks! I've almost finished Chapter 10, but I've got the school play plus exams in three weeks, so I swear I will finish it AS SOON as exams are over.
Wow, that was really cool! I LOVED your description of Narcissa, but I do think you went a little overboard on the wimpiness. But still,she was really good. But she definitely wouldn't smell of JASMINE! I think she would smell of tea-tree, or maybe geraniums, but that's just a personal thing.
I love Draco, I think you captured him perfectly. I loved the way he was completely incapable, at the age of 15, of entertaining himself!
And the ring...I have a feeling that it will be important in the future...hmmm...
Author's Response: I know, I know, Narcissa was a little OTT. What's exactly wrong with her smelling of Jasmine? I change it to tea-tree or geraniums if it's THAT important to you [is a little confused]. Care to explain exactly why jasmine is a big no-no? I never really felt Draco had much independance or imagination (from the books). He's SUCH a wimp. Thanks for reviewing! Hope you like the next chapter (when I've finally finished writing it!)
Oh, a new perspective! I wonder how Draco will take the news... I really enjoyed your characterization of all of the Malfoys, though I think Narcissa was perhaps a little overdone. Otherwise, it was great to see the parents' obvious love for their "son" and Draco's very teenagerish sureness that they don't understand him. You pull of Draco very well, he seems IC and not too fanon, which is easy to fall into. Otherwise, the suspense just keeps building, and I can't wait to find out more! Update soon! (Well, as soon as the site lets you anyway :)
Author's Response: I'm glad you like Draco's character. Iwas really worried about him, and he didn't seem to be doing what I wanted. I don't read too many Draco stories, so I really don't know what people write him as. I'm guessing tall, blond, handsome, 'misunderstood', and generally gorgeous? I agree Narcissa was too angsty. I went a little OTT. So, I'll change that. It's something I've noticed, now I'm in secondary school, that teens seem to think no one understands or cares about them. I know I do it sometimes. I wonder why. Maybe it's got something to do with hormones. [shrugs] Any way, glad you liked it. I'll update once MNFF is on it's feet again.