so funny! its too bad ron did nt remember this later... the trio could have had a lot of fun with this one:)
Wow! This extremely in-character and such a creative, believable plot! I can totally picture Arthur knocking on doors and yelling "Treat or trick?" :) I think my favorite part was the twins telling Percy to be a real vampire. Anyway, great work here!
This is soooo funny!!! I'm guessing the neighbors didn't exactly know about the treating that the american ministry official told him. Maybe that is only an american tradition... and i thought everybody went trick or treating on halloween. guess i was wrong.
This was really funny! Good job!
Too cute, Shanae! I really enjoyed this story. And I liked how you made up a holiday for Wizards and Witches that us normal people don't have--- a day celebrating the demise of the Dark Lord; that's pretty creative.
“Wicked!” said the twins as they looked at each other and started digging around inside the giant pumpkin. Ha ha, Fred and George, still as sneaky as ever. This part was priceless.
“Oh, lovely!” Arthur exclaimed. “I have always wanted to meet them.” Of course--- Only Arthur would have always wished to meet policemen. Maybe not the kind of people he really thinks they are. I love this!
Somehow, in some sort of coordinated maneuver, the planning of which Arthur had completely missed, George sliced Fred’s arm, and Fred stuck his now bleeding arm in Percy's face, trying to force Percy to "drink it like a real vampire!"
"George! Fred! That's enough! Oh, you two! Percy, stop that, it wasn't that bad.”
Ron, who didn’t know any better, added his two-year-old tantrum to the mix. Really! That's what he gets for taking out the twins dressed in mythical costumes, no less bring four more along with them to boot! Lucky Molly wasn't there or she would have freaked. This had me rolling. I really like your style of humor.
That evening, Arthur decided the one thing missing from his newly finished broom shed was better insulation. Aw, poor Arthur! Poor man was only trying to have some fun. I like how ended the story like this--- it was a very intriguing way to conclude such a funny piece of writing. I really liked this story a lot. It was a great laugh.
I really didn't find anything to criticize--- you've got a great mind, thinking up these things, but it makes it even greater when you can edit things so well.
I love this little bit--- I actually didn't know this:
As a note, British Muggles don’t trick-or-treat. :)
Really nice work! I hope to see more humor stories from you! And I love your ideas!
We do trick or treat...and we call it that. I don't know whether it was around in the 80s though, so I may need to let you off...
correction; muggles in britain DO trick or treat.
But British muggles do have trick or treat
Awesome!!! Truly what Arthur wud do.
That was good--very well written. But I didn't get the broom shed thing at the end, though.... But nice job!
Hmph. Let it be known that I reviewed this story before Jenna did, so any repeat of stuff in there is ... not my fault. It's my stupid internet's fault. Anyway.
This story is mine. And I love it. My favorite part is definitely the characterization. All of the kids are definitely the same characters we saw in the books, but they’re still clearly children. And children are not always the easiest characters to pull off. Congratulations.
For example: Bill is obviously the oldest. He tells Percy what to do and negotiates with all the little kids. And he and Charlie, being somewhat close in age and temperament, think a lot of the same things, and glance amusedly at each other the way close friends/siblings do. And Percy! Still such a stickler for rules! “Are you sure this is okay?”
And Fred and George are totally the same. Slashing one’s arm and forcing Percy to drink it...oh man. Such a little boy thing to do. And...being jealous of cooler costumes.
Ron and Ginny were easy to characterize. They were babies. Good job making them babies.
The parents were good, too. I don’t know what to say about them, because everything they said was exactly what we saw in the books. I liked how Arthur made the costumes mostly out of Muggle things, complete with an acetylene torch. Somehow, all the dragons I’ve ever seen at Halloween never have that particular feature.
I thought the concept of this was very cute. :) I’m just curious as to why Arthur had never heard of it before, but I suppose some things don’t often come up in conversation. Also...in Deathly Hallows there are a bunch of Muggles dressed up in costumes on the Halloween the year before where your story is set. So the idea might not be totally foreign to all British Muggles. But you did have a good source for that, and I don’t want to completely undermine your whole story. Just wanted to point out to you...that.
The one thing that distracted me about this story was where your point of view was. It looked like it was third-person omniscient. We get in the heads of Molly, Arthur, Bill and Charlie, and a Muggle man. It’s a valid way to write, but it’s a little bit confusing. I suggest that in general you stick with one person and just tell it from their point of view. But...that might just be an opinion that you don’t need to share.
But I still love it! My favorite part is where Charlie sets the door on fire. *shakes head* But it’s all so cute. Thank you again for it. :)
Have a nice day! *D*
Oh, this is such a delightful story! I have a few bits of critique to offer, though they don’t really feel like ‘critique’, but, I’ll get those out of the way first, shall I?
First, the use of the word ‘candy’ sort of set me off. While ‘candy’ wouldn’t be an alien term to Brits, the word ‘sweets’ is used to refer to what Americans call ‘candy’.
Secondly, while the English and Welsh don’t celebrate Halloween with trick or treating, I think by the 80’s they wouldn’t be totally perplexed by a batch of costumed children showing up asking for sweets. For one thing, trick or treating was/is practiced by the Irish and the Scottish, also, as Muggles, they will be familiar with American traditions through television and movies --- for instance, this fic takes place around the release of a very successful film that features trick-or-treating and uses it as a plot point: E.T.. So, while they might be annoyed or perplexed at the strangeness, I don’t think that it would seem completely insane. I got the feeling that they weren’t so much surprised and harassed, but really clueless as to why this man and his children were standing at his door asking for ‘treats.’
The last thing is the author’s note that tells us the year and the approximate ages; I would have liked that less in the A/N and more in the story. Not that you don’t make it pretty clear in the story; we know it’s 1982, because you’ve said it’s the first anniversary celebration, and we know Ginny is 14-months old; towards the end of the fic you also point out that Ron is two. I think it could do maybe one early mention alluding to Bill’s age, whether it’s actually stating that he’s twelve, or just describing him as a boy on the verge of adolescence or something that gives us an idea of his maturity. But, I’m generally against an overload of information in the A/N; I think you should just do your best as an author to make the setting available to the reader with details in the story, and avoid extraneous information in the author’s note; it’s a bit distracting.
Now, onto the rest of the fic. So adorable! You have Arthur Weasley spot-on, with his childish delight of celebrating a Muggle tradition, and his slightly guilty sneakiness to do it without Molly knowing. *giggles* I also love the touch of them ‘successfully [using] Muggle tools’ to make the costumes, except for this and that. Also very Arthur-like; he has that fondness for and fascination with Muggles, but he’s still a wizard who likes to use his magic.
The costumes were a lovely touch; Bill as a mummy and Charlie as a dragon was very amusing, but I like that you didn’t try to make them all as ‘symbolic’ because that might have been cliché. Pumpkin!Fred&George also greatly amused me, particularly with big brother Bill convincing them they really did have a brilliant costume. That was very cute.
When they actually started trick-or-treating: *dies*. I loved it when they announced ‘treat or trick!’ that was fabulous. Oh, and it just fits so well with Arthur and the Weasleys, so fabulous; I can’t even convey how much it fits for me.
I want to do a running commentary on every funny bit of the expedition, but it would involve a lot of quoting followed by a ‘*giggles*’ which would be rather pointless; so I’ll just point out two lines that I loved, as they were so amusing and, again, so in character:
“You’re funny,” he said. “I always forget how funny you people are.”
“Oh, lovely!” Arthur exclaimed. “I have always wanted to meet them.”
They just convey that perfect exact attitude Arthur has; it’s not just as simple as him loving Muggles, as I said above, he’s still a Wizard. And while he’s fond of the non-magical people, he treats them sort of like a novelty. You just captured him perfectly. Ah, I do love Arthur Weasley :)
Then, Molly! Molly’s reaction is also perfect. And, dressed like refugees from the Janus Thickey ward, *dies again*. Fabulous! Though, I must say, poor Arthur in his less-than-well-insulated shed. *tear* It makes me think of a puppy who did something wrong because he didn’t know any better, but once more, it just gives me that perfect Arthur Weasley image.
I really adore this story, Shanae. I think it’s very cute and well written; entertaining, funny, sweet and goes wonderful with canon. Hurray!
ha ha ha!!! I'm American so that is really funny. Hilarious actually.
Author's Response: Well thank you! I'm glad you found it amusing. I think the American/British traditions are quite amusing when they're mixed up. :)
this is so funny!!!!!!!!!! I love it. Great Job!!!
Author's Response: :) Thank you so much.
Wow! This is very funny, I was laughing at the muggles reactions so hard, and then the "I want to meet the please-men" of Arthur.
Great job! I can imagin the story so well in my head, and all of them are in character.
You are now on my favorites list!
Author's Response: -blushes- Wow, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the details--they were certainly fun to write. Thanks for reading; it's lovely to see you liked it!
Hahaha that was so funny:)
Ypu had them all act so real too, Great job:)
Author's Response: Me? Funny? You're too kind. :) Thanks for the compliment! It was fun to write them in this 'real' situation.
gud stuff dis is exactly wat Mr weasley would do i luved it
Author's Response: Aw... Thank you. I feel this is exactly how Mr. Weasley would respond too. I'm glad you enjoyed it.