Wow. That made me cry so much... That was amazing! I loved it. I love Snape :') Thanks for the story!!!
Hi, I think that this was really a great story to read. It really captures all of Snape’s emotions, and your style of writing is great to read!
“Hogwarts was deathly quiet”
This first is what really got me into reading your story. I think it immediately set the mood and it painted a picture of the setting in my mind. I think the way you write it is really one of the best parts of the story- it’s imagery and they way you use metaphors and similies in you despriction. I really like these sentences as they immediately set an image in my mind, and I can picture what is happening: ‘Reality crashed over him like ice cold water, bringing back the emptiness like a dark tide.’ and ‘…his wand held out straight as glass fell like rain through the chamber.’
I think a part of the fiction, where Snape remembers and mourns about his past, would have been better if it were centered more about his feelings, instead of retelling it. It did hold a lot of his emotions, but in my opinion it didn’t really match the style in which you wrote the rest of your fiction. I still really liked that part though especially where Snape remembers standing on top of that tower. It seemed like such an IC thing to do, and it really leaves and impression of how Snape really felt behind that mask of misery. I think you really have Snape figured out and your really good at his characterization!
However something that I disagree with is, this sentence: “One word had sent it all down.” I think it was more than that word that had ended their relationship, but the actions that had led to that word (Snape calling her other friends Mudbloods and hanging out with soon to be Deatheaters). I think him calling her a Mudblood just triggered Lily to do what she felt was right.
‘He didn’t know how long he sat there, just watching her, in a trance,’ I think this was really a great sentence, as it shows how Snape’s reaction was much the same as Harrys. What I really love about this story, is that it really portrays Snape, behind his mask. It explains the reasons behind his actions, and, without going out-of-character, it shows a softer side of Snape.
The ending, to me, is the best part. It leaves you thinking and feeling heartbroken. ‘Severus turned around swiftly to see Lily as she shattered into a thousand pieces.’ This is another great metaphor as it describes his emotions and creates the atmosphere in your story. It made me relate to Snape and feel really sorry for him. Also that metaphor is really beautiful, as Snape knows that, the Lily in the mirror was just a reflection of his memories.
I think that this was a really beautifully written story with a real dark atmosphere. The idea of the story, to me, is really brilliant. It's all logic, and the ending, where Dumbledore says, the mirror should be removed, fit's in with Canon as well, so that was real smart to include. It really doesn't seem like a first fanfiction, but it is, and I think that you did a really good job with it!
Wow what a wonder journey into Snape's psyche. You had me near tears this was a great short story. well done
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review :) This was the fist fic I ever wrote and it hasn't had a review in a while. I'm glad it affected you!
I really hate signing in to review but I know how much reviews mean..and this one was so good I couldn't resist. I honestly believe you have perfectly captured what Severus would see in the Mirror..I always like to see a different side of Severus and you showed it perfectly. It was amazing, it brought me to tears. Great job :D
Author's Response: Thanks! It's been a while since someone reviewed this. I know I often don't log in to write a review, so thanks for the effort! As we see the world through Harry's eyes, we never get to see the soft, sad side of Severus. I'm glad you liked it.
this story is so powerful, it shows us the fragile, heartbroken side of Severus. It's so real, it made me cry. I love it:)
Author's Response: Thanks for the compliment. Severus does have a fragile side, it is up to us to show it.
Congrats on getting this validated, I was looking out for in it the Most Recent, but never found it till now. A great story :D ~ Cassie/ms. leading(incase you were confused by the different screenname haha)
Author's Response: Thanks for the praise and thanks for being a great beta. I couldn't have done it without both of you!
Congratulations, dear, on getting this accepted! =]
I loved the edited version. =D
Author's Response: Thanks for being a great beta and thanks for the review!
I think that that is exactly what Severus would have seen in the Mirror of Erised and I think that you chacterized him and Dumbledore very well. I like the ending.
Author's Response: Thanks, I feel thats exactly what Severus would have seen too.
Author's Response: :)
Whoa... That was so amazing! Good job. :D This is one of my favorites now! Keep up the good work. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the encouragement. Kind reviews mean a lot!