Kelly dear! [hugs']
I shall start at the beginning, with the things that I loved, yeah? lol.
I absolutely loved it. I loved that it both started and ended with 'What have I done?' The repetition definitely added to the mood.
Coincidentally, the numbness, the unfeeling, began the day that Lily admitted that she was in love with James.
What an absolutely, bloody, miserable day that was.
I pour myself another glass.
I love this. Its a great insight into Sirius as a character, and the pain that he is feeling.
Even at three in the morning, in almost total darkness, she was beautiful.
Ha. I couldn't help but laugh at this. Its so very Sirius; I can totally picture him damning a woman for her beauty, especially a woman named Lily. :D
I’ve been suffering from complete and total agony and you classify it as mere pain?
This line utterly broke my heart. Poor Sirius! I could hug him. And then to have it followed by 'I'm fine' made it even more painful. Such a Sirius reaction, though, to hide it from her in that way.
“I love you, Sirius, but I’m in love with James.”
A punch in the gut! And another hug for Sirius from me.
Standing at the altar, next to James, I felt as though I was split in half: half of me felt like cheering for James and the other half longed for Lily.
This, I think, captures the pure essence of a Sirius/Lily pairing. Excellent insight, my dear. I've yet to read this pairing where it is said so plainly and so perfectly spot on. YAY!
“Sirius, are you alright?”
All right is two words, I'm pretty sure. I just remember that in the first chapter of RGSBS, one of the times it got rejected, a mod pointed this out and said it should be two words. [shrugs] But I've seen it both ways, so I'm really not positive.
But dreams are all that I have left of her and I refuse to let them go so easily
First, I really love this line. But its missing a period. lol.
And I smiled for Lily because I had I had given her my word.
Extra 'I had'. lol.
All in all, I really enjoyed that. I think Sirius/Lily may be my OTP, but I'm not entirely sure. I love it, I know that. lol. And I love how you write them. I read For Him, and now this. You capture the relationship I think they would have very well.
The only, quite minor, thing I don't like is that Sirius repeatedly referred to James as his 'closest friend'. Its not that I don't like that phrasing in and of itself; its fine. I just might have liked a bit less of it, especially toward the end. There I might have liked to see, just once, Sirius call him a brother. I think it may have added to the painful tone of the end.
Other than that, though, I did enjoy it. Like I said. lol. So I'll stop rambling now. But this is a good companion to For Him. Wonderful job, kid!
Author's Response: Nikki! Thank you so, so much for the fantastic review! You know, it's funny, but both you and Jen think the same about the "friend" and substituting "brother." SPEWers think alike! Hehehe. Oh, and it's funny about Sirius. I can only really characterize him if he's suffering/in emotional pain. Yeah...who knows why. But thank you for your review!! *squishes*
Oooh, that was so amazing, Kelly. Have I ever told you that I fangirl your writing? Because I do. Really. :)
I’m not usually a huge Sirius/Lily fan – I’m usually quite opposed to that relationship, actually. A James/Lily girl through and though. That said, I’m surprised at how much I really enjoyed this. Even though I don’t actually think it would have, I can see this happening in canon, if you understand what I mean. Everyone is very much in character.
Now, I haven’t read For Him, so I don’t know your Sirius/Lily back story. Did anything actually happen between them? It sounds as if it did, but I’m not sure. I should really go and read it. ^_^ Despite that, I still really liked the relationship between the pair. It was so … intense. I could tell that to some degree, Lily loves Sirius, and she’s trying so hard not to break his heart.
You have the most beautiful writing style, dear. Seriously, I don’t know a single person who writes as powerfully as you do. The short, sharp sentences, and the repetitive phrases … it keeps it so interesting. You never use a single word that you don’t have to, and the effect is brilliant. :)
What an absolutely, bloody, miserable day that was. This line made me laugh. It’s so … Sirius. You’ve characterised him so wonderfully. He’s sitting around drinking and feeling sorry for himself, but he still never loses his unwavering loyalty to James, which I like. Even in the depths of his despair about Lily, he’s still happy for his best friend.
Hm. The line: He is a close friend and deserves a wonderful life doesn’t really sit well with me. “Close friend” just seems far too formal for talking about Sirius’ relationship with James, especially when you’ve already spoken of them being “like brothers”. I just can’t see Sirius referring to James like that.
I liked the little detail of Sirius pretending for a moment that he was marrying Lily – it was so beautiful, and so heartbreaking. Poor Sirius. He’s in such a hopeless situation. :( Your fic has gotten me all emotional, hee.
All in all, it was an absolutely beautiful story, Kelly. I loved it, even with my aversion to Sirius/Lily. ^_^ Very well done, dear.
Author's Response: Awk. I love you, Jen. Thank you SO much for the review. I seriously (Siriusly?) wasn't expecting it at all, and it just made me so excited and happy to see that someone (and then you, on top of that) had left me a fantastic review. In For Him, Lily and Sirius had a nice, little and very secret relationship which Lily breaks off because she begins to tire of it. Sirius is caught in that position of "I love her, but do I love James more..." Essentially, this does stand on its own, but that was the cute back story to explain just a few of their actions, here. I think that I agree with you on the "close friend" thing. At that point, Sirius is pretty smashed (emotionally, mostly >.>), so he probably wouldn't speak so nicely, if he ever spoke that way in the first place. Hmm. Perhaps if I replaced it with "He is a brother..." - that might be good. Again, thank you SO MUCH for leaving me a review. *hugs tightly*
This was really beautiful. It makes me wish this pairing could work! I loved it, great job.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
I swear, I was half asleep when I went to the forums. It didn't occur to me until after peeking in the SPEW forum, the Slyth forum and reading my PM's that Kelly had posted in story updates. "Does that mean what I think it means?"
“I love you, Sirius, but I’m in love with James.” -- Agh. That hurt so much. *frowns* I can't even put into words how I felt a little tear in my heart, like an echo of Sirius feeling his own heart being ripped in half.
Anyway, yes, I loved it. I'll try to write you a proper review at some point later, but right now I just wanted to post my initial response (and it's always nice to receive review when you've posted your story, and not two weeks later, yeah?) *hugs* Wonderful!
Author's Response: Oh, Jenna. I love you so much for leaving just an initial reaction (because it is always nice to get reviews just after the story is posted, I agree).