Reviews For A New Beginning
Reviewer: Seer_Witch
Date: 02/17/09 21:03
Chapter: Chapter 1

Oh! This is so sweet. Damn Petunia for ruining Lily's huge-ass day, but you know. Love for James for always making it better! And hearts to Sirius for being so mischievous, in a good way, especially when his best friend's getting married.

Author's Response: Petunia always has to ruin good things. James did make everything better! LOL. And Sirius is always up to trouble. I wouldn't expect him to do anything else, would you? Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you liked it! ~Alyssa

Reviewer: Colores
Date: 08/22/08 18:40
Chapter: Chapter 1

A very nice story, Alyssa. You should be proud of your work this term. You did a great job with the rhetorical devices in this story!

Author's Response: Thanks, Fresca. It means alot to here that from you. I promise to try to use the helpful things you taught us in other stories! ~Alyssa

Reviewer: Vitamin Vicki
Date: 08/17/08 11:51
Chapter: Chapter 1

Alyssa! I told you I would leave a review. Bwahaha. This story's really cute, albeit a little fast for my taste... *shifty eyes* Buuut, I loved it! Heh, and even though you're my beta... "... You are better then that, and always will be." It should be 'than' not 'then'. Hehehe. Oh, and, what is the secret Lily's talking about? Maybe you hinted it somewhere, or maybe I'm too curious.

I loved it. It was short and sweet. And yet you pulled it off! Whee!

Cheers,

Vicki c:



Author's Response: :D I tend to write fast. Ideas just flow out of me...and I must put them on paper. I'm going to be writing a sequel for this, so keep your eyes on the watch for it! ~Alyssa

Reviewer: R_Ravenclaw
Date: 07/26/08 8:20
Chapter: Chapter 1

Ah, Alyssa, here I am.

I really like how you characterise Lily here. She's the typical nervous bride, and I like that she is very in love with James. I think that you wrote Lily and James very well, but there are a couple other things.

First, little nit-picks:

She had been up since five o’clock, pacing up and down her room at her parents house.

There were smiles etched in peoples faces

Both of these sentences are missing apostrophes. It should be parents' people's.

Though she was mad at James.

This was sort of a random fragment that could have been combined with the sentence before or after.

Some people had tried woo James, but he only had eyes for one girl; Lily.

The semi-colon would work much better as a colon. But other than that, I really love this sentence. It sort of avoids Marauder Era clichés by making other people like James.

I also really like how you pointed out how few people were invited because of the war; I think that's necessary in a wedding of Lily and James. I also think it was perfect that Sirius was planning a prank — that's just so wonderfully IC.

But I really did want to know what the secret was. Normally I love ambiguity in fanfiction, but in this type of fic it seemed really incongruous. For the most part it was a normal wedding fic, so it seems like there should have at least been a hint of what the secret was. I kept expecting you to, but you never did.

I also thought it would go one longer; it seemed a bit rushed. I think it would have been nice to actually see the argument and the prank and some of the reception. The argument would have been a wonderful vehicle to show the relationship between Lily and Petunia, and then I wouldn't feel so confused right now…

I'm definitely not saying I don't like this fic, because I truly did. You characterisations were spot-on and it was interesting and entertaining. Your James is endearing and wonderful. Nice job, Alyssa!

~Alison

Author's Response: I read the whole thing. Wow. So in responce to your long review I will try to give you a long response. I am glad to hear that I have a good grip on their characterization. I was really nervous when I first planned this. They always seemed weird, but my betas fixed that up for me. I will fix the nitpicks when I go back and change the other ones that I got to. When I was writing this Sirius kept popping in my head, I knew I had to mention that. If your lucky you might even get to find out what it was in the sequel. I didn't want to spoil the secret, so I kept it mum. It was hard though, I really wanted to spill it out and tell the whole world! Well I originally had Petunia say some nasty things to Lily but I changed it after my beta pointed something out. Petunia didn't really speak to her sister after she became a witch, so why would she do so at the wedding? It made no sense so I just changed it. I'll let you know when the sequels out so that you can read that! *Looks at response* See, nice and long! ~Alyssa

Reviewer: emLILYEVANS
Date: 07/25/08 19:41
Chapter: Chapter 1

yah i love it but what was the secreat ....did it have somthing to do with snape?

Author's Response: I can't tell. Read the sequel when its out and you'll find out! ~Alyssa

Reviewer: emLILYEVANS
Date: 07/25/08 19:41
Chapter: Chapter 1

yah i love it but what was the secreat ....did it have somthing to do with snape?

Author's Response: I think you submitted your review twice..... ~Alyssa

Reviewer: lily_death_flower
Date: 07/25/08 16:43
Chapter: Chapter 1

um its good, but i think it could have been more developed. like adding more detail. like whats the secret?, more or a confrontation between lily and petunia, what wre sirius/remus/peter planning?

but overall it was very good. the wedding was beautifu. and i liked how you mentioned the war. and the description of james.

great job!

Author's Response: I am writing a sequel. It will mention the secret, and what the three of them had planned. I might add Petunia again, but I might not. I'll see where it goes. Thanks! ~Alyssa

Author's Response: I am writing a sequel. It will mention the secret, and what the three of them had planned. I might add Petunia again, but I might not. I'll see where it goes. Thanks! ~Alyssa

Author's Response: I am writing a sequel. It will mention the secret, and what the three of them had planned. I might add Petunia again, but I might not. I'll see where it goes. Thanks! ~Alyssa

Reviewer: Elf01
Date: 07/25/08 3:53
Chapter: Chapter 1

I agree with Nymphea that I would like to know what the secret is, but I like that it is there. My guess is that Lily is pregnant, but I don't know why she'd have told Petunia.

I liked this. Lily seems to feel like she's in a fairy tale during the wedding, and I enjoyed reading it.

Then you bring us back to reality by pointing out how many guests were there, as opposed to how many there could have been. I liked this, but I think that it would be even better if you mentioned some casualties as well.

I have some nitpicks too, some stuff that your betas missed.

Some people had tried woo James You left out a to in this sentence.

The look told them Remus and Peter were probably in on it, too. I don’t think that you need the comma, and I would love to know what they had in mind. Also well done for including Peter.

The wedding finished, I think that you should end the sentence here.

I also loved Petunia's reaction when Lily tried to talk to her.

Author's Response: Well, I won't confirm or say no to your guess. It might be right, it might now be. You will have to wait for the sequel to find out. Thank you for the nitpicks, I will change them as soon as I get the chance. I wanted to achieve a fairy tale like thing during the wedding so I am glad to hear that someone thought about it that way! Thanks! ~Alyssa

Author's Response: Well, I won't confirm or say no to your guess. It might be right, it might now be. You will have to wait for the sequel to find out. Thank you for the nitpicks, I will change them as soon as I get the chance. I wanted to achieve a fairy tale like thing during the wedding so I am glad to hear that someone thought about it that way! Thanks! ~Alyssa

Reviewer: Nymphea
Date: 07/24/08 22:51
Chapter: Chapter 1

Is this really complete? What's the secret? I feel like I'm missing something here...anyway, nice story!

Author's Response: I'm thinking about writing a sequel. So hang on and you will find it out. :) ~Alyssa

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES