Reviews For Betrayal
Reviewer: padfootsgirl1981
Date: 04/18/09 16:31
Chapter: Betrayal of the Worst Kind

Hey, Alyssa! I'm here as promised (though admittedly a little later than I intentioned, sorry!).
when he got into the neighborhood when they lived.

This should be 'where' instead of 'when' :).

Godrics Hollow

You missed out the apostrophe :).

Every time he would hear a rumor, he would make his bike go even faster.

Awww, poor Sirius! I liked this sentence I could just envisage how he must have been feeling at that moment.

Sirius swore right then and there that Peter Pettigrew would die.

Ooh the emotion here is palpable. I like how Sirius can turn from friendship to murder in that instant.

Peter had betrayed his James to Voldemort.

I don't know if you meant to say 'his friend James' here or simply 'James', but I do quite like the 'his James' bit lol, because it shows a strong relationship between James and Sirius :D.

The traitor would soon know what happened when he got on the wrong side of a Black, Sirius thought venomously.

Nice! Great how you showed Sirius going back to his roots. Sometimes it's easy to forget the horrible background Sirius came from, and his reaction here showed his Black ancestory. I liked it!

planning to come back later to say goodbye to his best friend and to the girl that would love James forever. Right now he wanted to deal with a traitor.

I think it's always hard to imagine how exactly Sirius would react to James and Lily's death, and I think it is believable that he wouldn't be able to grieve straight away due to shock. Also the way you've written it here makes it seems as if Sirius wants to have nothing else on his mind when he grieves, he wants to remember his best friend, and only do that. And he can't do that with Peter's betrayal on his mind. A really nice idea.

The last words he spoke to Harry were, “I will come back for you.”

And he did eventually :(.

He also knew that Sirius wasn’t going to do a whole lot of talking;

Nice phrase for showing Sirius' anger and determination.

“What is there to explain, Sirius old buddy?”

You know what, I really, really liked this turn of phrase! It both shows the close relationship they once shared but at the same time the use of 'old' signifies the break in their relationship. Yeah I love this :D.

he was choosing his life.

Again it's always hard to understand why Peter betrayed Lily and James, but you make the fight for his life seem like a very plausible idea.

Then Sirius started to laugh. He couldn’t control it; it was just coming out. After all, who would think that Peter was capable of betraying his friends and hoodwinking the best prankster in their group? During all of those Hogwarts years he has never managed to pull something over James or Sirius because they always caught it first, but now, after Hogwarts, he succeeds?

Yeah, I always found it hard to understand why exactly Sirius stood and laughed, but I liked your interpretation. I like the irony of it all too, well done.

“I’ve also told this to you before, but let me refresh your memory: I can’t tell you.” Sirius was lying so that he didn’t get into trouble because of the real way that Peter and the rest of the Marauders became unregistered Anamagi.

Hmm, I'm not too sure at this bit. I would have thought that if it was a choice between going to Azkaban for murdering his friend or for becoming an illegal Animagus then Sirius would have chosen the latter.

The Aurors came into the room and escorted Mr. Black to his new cell in Azkaban where he was to wait out his life.

I liked the use of 'Mr Black' here, it shows a stripping of identity. Sirius is no longer Sirius he is another empty being trapped inside Azkaban. Very powerful.

I really liked this, Alyssa! Very nicely written! Although it always makes me upset to read about James and Lily dying and Sirius going to Azkaban :'(. I can't believe I'm going to have to write this one day *sobs uncontrollably*. But not for a good while yet *yay* lol.

Really, a very enjoyable (well not really as it's so sad :p) read, and it was a pleasure to give you a review after all the hard work you do for me :D.


Reviewer: HermionesTwin_FromOz
Date: 10/18/08 22:23
Chapter: Betrayal of the Worst Kind

Alyssa, darlin', that was a wonderful fic. :) I love your characterisation of Sirius and Peter, and the way you've interpreted the story from Sirius' POV.

Overall, well done! :D


Author's Response: Thanks, Caitlin! Glad you liked it!

Reviewer: Treacle_Heart
Date: 10/14/08 8:48
Chapter: Betrayal of the Worst Kind

Alyssa dear, that was really truly great.
I liked how you interpreted why he was laughing, like, putting in why you thought he was.
A super-quick nitpick: Keeping the wand behind his back, he blast the street apart.
You need -ed on the end of 'blast' to make it past tense. ;)
Keep up the fab work!

-- Julia

Author's Response: Thank you for reading this, Julia. I'll make that little change in a bit. Thanks for reviewing!

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