This is a very intriguing start to the story. Already, my head is whirling with different thoughts and ideas. I haven't read a lot of Next Generation fan fiction, but I am always looking to expand my horizons. Also, I remembered you said that Alred shows up in this story at some point. One thing I like about the idea of Next Generation fiction is that you can do so much with the characters -- they can almost become original characters, since we don't know that much about them. Starting so late in Albus' life gives you even more to work with in that regard, and I very much look forward to seeing him in action.
Overall, I thought the story was fantastic. I loved how much detail you put into the setting, since it's an element so often disregarded, particularly in my own fiction. I was aware of all the trees, and the setting really helped to anchor the atmosphere of the rest of the story. I also thought the characterisation was done well. Albus grief and anger are as poignant and powerful as Harry's worry. I loved how when Harry says the only difference between him and his son is that Albus is weaker, it is then Albus who wins the duel. The conflict was also very strong. Albus and Harry are clearly working at cross purposes and the fact that they are family, and that we're seeing this from Harry's point of view really amps up the tension. Harry loves his son, but because of their clashing values, he makes an enemy of him. Just with that conflict, you could easily have an excellent short story, but you pair it with the unanswered questions: what doesn't Harry know about Albus and Marcum? Why does Albus think the Hallows will work in his case, when they haven't before? And what, exactly does he plan to do once he has all three? These questions give a great start to a much longer work, uniting the immediate conflict with a broader overall plot.
I had a few quibbles, one of which will hopefully be cleared up in further chapters. The first is the Muggle murder: how did a group of Muggles manage to kill Marcum? And why isn't Harry, at least, curious about that? He skips over it as though it's commonplace, but knowing the advantages that wizards have over Muggles, I found it hard to believe. Another quibble I had was that, at times, your prose became unweildy. For example, I had some troubles getting through this sentence: "Harry did not even ask how Albus had found his namesake’s wand, because of course he would have figured it out, he was a Ravenclaw; still, it would not work for him, for the wand’s allegiance still belonged to Harry, even after so many years." There just seem to be too many clauses and phrases, so it seemed kind of jumbled.
Those are very minor issues, though, and overall, I thought the chapter was a great beginning to what promises to be a truly intriguing dark story. I love the nice mix of internal and external conflict, and cannot wait to see what happens next.
Author's Response: Hi Vorona! Wow, thank you so much for coming to read this story, and for leaving such a wonderful review! I'm really thrilled you enjoyed this first part. It started off as a one-shot, as you pointed out, but I just had to keep going and explore how they got there and what happened next. I do hope you'll continue reading as it it one of my more unique stories, I think. I worked hard on it. When it comes to your questions, most of them are answered in the rest of the story. The next chapter will tell you exactly why and how Marcum was killed by Muggles. And you will see what Albus does when he has all three Hallows as well. Good point about the prose. I have a terrible time when it comes to over-using semi-colons in particular, and my last two betas finally pointed that out to me so I'm working on it. Now I sort of want to go back and edit this, lol. Like I said, I do hope you read the rest and enjoy where it goes. Yes, Aldred is in this one, so I'm glad you came to find him! Thank you so much!! ~Gina :)
And it’s finally here!!!
My long-awaited review of the Epilogue, of course. Did you think I’d forgotten about it? Surely not. Stupid RL…
Anyway, all that aside, I’m so glad that I know now what happened after Albus fell through the veil. I have to admit, it has been eating at me a bit that I didn’t know. I had been waiting to read the previous chapters again, all in succession, just so I could grasp it in it’s entirety, but that was completely unnecessary. This story isn’t one that I’d ever forget, anyway.
Your portrayal of raw grief is mind-blowing. Have I ever told you that? Probably, but I’ll say it again. Just the power of James’s emotions was gripping and wrenching at the same time. We both know how much grown men hate to be caught crying, but this was one of those few, few times that none of them would care. The ache and the emptiness that he felt after losing his brother made me want to sniffle and to hug him all at once. I have always maintained that, despite their difference, the Potter boys have always loved one another fiercely. Even when they say they don’t, even when they think they don’t, that fraternal bond has always existed for me in my heart.
That is why you, missy (am I even allowed to call you that? lol), are brilliant. Though I have no idea whether you’ve experienced these things firsthand or if you just have a fantastic power of extrapolation, but I feel like, in reading this, that James’s loss was my loss. That’s both an amazing and a bad feeling, because I love both these boys and don’t want them to suffer this badly. On the other hand, some of the most powerful things I’ve ever read were driven by characterisation and emotion, both of which you’ve managed to capture for me.
I would be remiss if I failed to bring in the ‘crit’ part of my review, but I know that you’d rather hear it than not. I do have three nitpicks, two of which are canonical and the other is about ‘fuzzy’ canon. The first is the colour of James Classic’s eyes. You have them as green, but James Potter’s eyes were brown. Harry got his green eyes from Lily. Not a big thing, but I know you’re a canon girl and would want your story to be correct.
The second is when you said that James was the master of the three Hallows, which allowed him to use the ring. In The Tale of the Three Brothers, the second brother did not need to master all three Hallows to use the Ring. If that was the case, then Dumbledore would have never been able to use the Elder Wand, and generations of Potter boys would have been out of one of their most favourite playthings.
The last is the fact that Sarah can see Albus’s ring form (dunno what else to call it). In DH in The Forest Again, only Harry can see his parents, Remus, and Sirius, and it was specifically defined that this was the case. If this is, indeed, canon, then Albus would have been for James’s eyes and James’s eyes only. Not even James’s wife would have been able to see him (or Marcum or James Classic). I don’t know if this is actual canon or not, but it is an assumption on my part that it is.
Okay, now that part is out of the way, and I can get back to praise. I love it that you made the Ring reappear in James’s pocket. Some mysteries just aren’t meant to be understood, and keeping the Hallows from being probed in the Department of Mysteries just seems right to me. I never really thought about it, but Harry did the world a favour when he hid the darker of these objects from others. No one should own a wand of such repute as the Elder Wand, and the power to bring back the dead, even if in a hollow form, isn’t an ability that any mere man should possess, even with the aid of magical objects.
All in all, this chapter was a lovely sum up of the story that got me so into the mind of Albus Potter. You sewed up loose ends, yet you left just enough of a thread from which you could construct a new story for our intrepid Potter clan. I can’t wait to see the Epic of Doom, if your drabbles are any indication of how it will happen.
Farewell for now, and thank you for being so awesome. Knowing you, you’ll probably be off straightaway to fix the little glitches, and I will, of course, end up reading this story again soon and reviewing it…again. Take care and happy writing!
Author's Response: Ah, Jess! Thanks so much for the review! You have no idea how much it means. Remember back when MNFF went down and we were all crying about it on FB? You said something about this story and just knowing one person was reading it motivated me to keep going and finish it, so thank you for that! And thank you for the amazing compliments, too. *blushes* I think we are pretty much on the same page when it comes to the Potter boys. I love 'em too, but then we are on the same page about beating up our favorite characters too, aren't we? ;) I sure hope I can get the EoD off the ground someday because I really want to write more about Harry and James now. Thanks for pointing out all those stupid mistakes. Of course I know Harry got his green eyes from Lily - dumb mistake, easy to fix. I went back and reread some stuff in DH last night about the Hallows. Like I said in my PM, you're right - one doesn't need all three Hallows for one (ie, the Ring) to work, but for some reason my mind got stuck on that, probably because Harry had them all and Dumbledore called him 'Master of Death.' So I'll be tweaking that, at least here at the end with James. Albus still wanted them, because I think he would have wanted to be 'Master of Death' and not just bring back Marcum through the Ring for a chat. And the bit about Sarah seeing Albus - well, there's loads of ways around that. Who says only the person who turned the Ring can see the dead person they called? Maybe only Harry saw his parents in DH because that's what they wanted. I think Albus would have wanted the others to see him off. Plus, it's the DOM, and to me, just about anything is possible there. (Seriously - I've loads of crazy ideas, lol.) I'll tweak it, though - thanks! You'd make a spectacular beta, you know. I might have to beg it of you if I ever get to the EoD, then you could find these things for me. :) Thanks again for reading and reviewing this story! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and wish you luck with your own! *hugs* ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Hopefully that's a good wow, in which case - thanks! ~Gina :)
Please finish, I've been waiting on the conclusion for a while now. I love, please continue writing you truly have a gift.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm so glad to know someone has enjoyed this story and is looking forward to it! I am working on the epilogue, but as I seem to have gotten caught up in some challenges on the beta boards, it might be a little while. Thank you so much for sticking with it. I really appreciate the review! ~Gina :)
That was so sad. I can't believe you killed off Albus. I was really hoping he would have the happy ending he deserved. At least he should be reunited with Marcum.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading this! I know it was sad. But I have to admit that I knew Albus was going to die almost from the beginning. *sniff* But there is still the epilogue, I hope you will come back and read that to see how it ends. Thank you so much for the review, I really appreciate knowing someone is reading and enjoying this story! ~Gina :)
Holy crap, I didn't see that coming! You just reminded me of why I love this story so much. this chapter had a magnificent Christmas Carol vibe, showing Albus 'Ebenezer' Potter what would happen if he remained angry and bitter.
It's amazing that every form the unicorn chose to take caused Albus more and more grief, because it made him realize that it wasn't just a few things that made him pissed at life in general: it was everything, everyone, in his life.
As he fell back, my brain was screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Albus can't die...he's my favorite. :(
I was soooo hoping he would end up with dark-haired cutie, because he's so tortured and that just sucks for him. Perhaps something interesting will happen in the next chapter, like an intervention or something.
Ah, Miss Gina, it feels like you updated just for me. Yay!
Author's Response: Ah, your first sentence alone has made it worth it. ;) I love to do that to people, lol! Thank you for reading this so quickly and for the lovely review. This was such a huge chapter that I really, really appreciate the feedback. I had my doubts, believe me. It seems out-there with the unicorn and such, and a far cry from where it started. But sorry - he was always going to die, I just had to get to this pivotal scene in the DoM. Poor Albus. Poor James. Poor cute dark-haired man who will never get together with Albus! As for an intervention? Well, probably not . . . but someone still has something, if you get my drift. ;) Thanks again!! ~Gina :)
Wow Gina... This story has me riveted and totally wanting to know what happens. I'm glad to finally know what had happened to break the happiness that Al and Marcus had shared, and I'm really sad to know it was something this sad. You have created some well formed characters and I have loved seeing them from your POV. It was also fun to see Aldred make an appearance, since I have read your story about him. (He seems to find ways into your world the same that Declan does in mine... and yes, Declan is in MANY of my stories and I even wrote a full story about him.) The Realm of Possibilies is definitely a room I could picture in the DOM and is brilliant for this story. Your imagination never ceases to amaze me. Creativity is definitely a great part of your writing. I look forward to you updating this story. Cyns
Author's Response: Oh my, thank you for such an amazing review! I really appreciate you reading this story since I've really come to love the character of Albus. So yes - that's what happens to Marcum. *sniff* I'm glad you liked the Realm of Possibilities (so far, lol), I'm just starting to explore it myself. And *of course* my favorite (only?) reoccurring character had to appear! I remember Declan as well. Wow, it was almost three years ago that we met these guys writing for the Department of Mysteries. I remember your story because I remember making a banner for it! It's fun to have your own character to bring back, isn't it? Thank you so much for the lovely compliments. I hope you enjoy the next chapter! ~Gina :)
What a fascinating idea! Well, now I'm anxious to see the next chapter!
Author's Response: Spottedcat! Thank you so much for coming by to read this story! I know I pimp it a lot on my LJ, lol. I'm glad you liked the idea of the Realm of Possibilities. I'm working on the next chapter and what Albus discovers there so hopefully it won't be too long. Thanks again for leaving a review!! *hugs* ~Gina :)
Wonderful addition to the story, as usual. The moral of the story is emerging, and it is that before giving up, consider the possibilities of life. You might be surprised what you can do.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you for another nice review! I'm so glad you are enjoying the story, thank you for the compliment. You might be surprised as well by the next chapter - I do hope you enjoy it. Thanks again for reading!! ~Gina :)
Captivating story, to be sure. It will be a relief to get further into the story, because I don't think I could possibly feel any more bad for the Potter family if I tried. I almost cried when Albus drank that potion and when he attacked Harry.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate you reading this story and leaving a review. I feel bad for the Potters too. My husband thinks I set out to write sad stories but this story has morphed completely since I started it. I hope you enjoy the rest, thank you again for reading it! ~Gina :)
Aw. I mean I want to know if my life gets any better than this. I can take a print out of this, and curl into sleep with it. It's that good.
And in the back stood his father, looking more pale and frightened than Albus had ever seen him.
I have recently fallen in love with Harry - the adult Harry because I know the person I haver read about in the seven novels and yet, I think I know whom he turns out in later life too. And it's sort of the nice prediction that comes true in your story and I enjoy every moment of it. The descriptions of Harry later on, how he is aging were lovely, and touched me very much.
He trailed off as he saw his older brother shake his head almost imperceptibly.
Once again the dynamics between James and Albus is remarkable. It reminds me of the sort of relationship you have with your sibling when you are young and then the one you share with them when you grow older. I liked the reflection of that here.
“That’s not what I meant,” James frowned. “He’s used it too, you know – he might understand. I just don’t know how he’d feel if he knew we had it. He might be tempted to use it again.”
I cannot say how true to characters this line was! It tells so much about James because he understands his dad but maybe just enough of him, and beyond that he cannot say what Harry would think. I have always found this fascinating, that you can be family, but there are some things that you can just never predict with them, you wouldnt know what they would do in a circumstance even though you have lived with them your whole life. I am certainly sure that Harry would be not tempted in a bit using that stone. I think he has reached that standing, that stability in his life where he has made his peace with his losses. But it was interesting to see that James, his own son, would have a doubt about his father like that.
James rolled his eyes and conjured a sandwich for his brother.
Um, I didn't think food could be conjured. Gamps Law of Elemental Transfiguration?
Interesting chapter for a filler. This is where the focus of the story is now changing from Marcum to something that Albus can use to recover from the pain of losing him. What interests me is that I have absolutely no idea where this story is going from now, it's all behind the curtain. And about the fact that your story lengthened - well, that's just about perfect.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, Akay! I'm so glad you liked it even though not much happened. I suppose I could have combined it with the next chapter but I like short chapters and I love cliffhangers so I didn't. :) Thank you for the comments on Harry, and on James and Albus in particular. What's so amazing to me is that I really didn't plan on a specific relationship like that for them - it literally just *happened* as I wrote. I love it when that happens in writing. They are really growing on me, those two. I still feel bad Lily isn't around much, but oh well! As for Harry using the stone - it depends on what's happened to him over the years, I think. I don't plan on messing with Harry until after this story, though, so I'd say he probably wouldn't either, at this point. ;) Good catch on conjuring. I was sure it happened at some point in the series but that is the rule, so let's just say James pulled it out of his pocket or something, shall we? *goes off to edit* ;) There are at least two more chapters, probably three. I hope the story goes somewhere you can follow, lol. I'm finding it all hard to believe it was born from a single scene so long ago, and has taken such turns. Thanks again for following it!! ~Gina :)
Oh, Merlin. NO! You are going to kill him! I know you did that in 'Goodnight, Albus' but since they were glimpses and did not take place over a continous period, my reaction to the ending was surprise and saddness. But you do that here ... *cries* please, dont!
With James, his fiancee and 'Goodnight, Albus' I think I know where you're going with this. But beware - you will not be forgiven.
Author's Response: I love your reaction! Unfortunately, I must keep a straight face. ;) I will tell you that I was referring to a something else in the endnotes, so perhaps things won't turn out so bad after all. I must confess, though, that writing "Goodnight, Albus" was a good character study for this piece, and I'm a sucker for tear-jerkers. *innocent look* I've already written the penultimate scene (my beta suggested drabbling ahead to get a feel for where I truly wanted to take this, it was a great idea!) so if I've played my cards right so far, then you may know where it is going. . . or you may not. Muhahaha. Thanks for showing such interest, it helps to know there is a fan out there! :D
*breathes deeply* You know I'm in love with this, so why don't you keep writing like this, unless you want me to pull-an-Albus-stunt. Great chapter! It was short though *grumbles* yeah don't think I won't take notice of that between all the good parts.
Aw, James is the big brother I always wanted. You have given them each a character but somehow I end up relating, loving, enjoying the emotions better - the way they react given the kind of people they are, the upbringing they had, the person they have for a father. I know I have said this before, but this fact comes out so strongly when I'm reading it, the story is so alive because of that. I feel this warmth in me because yes Harry has the perfect family in the world, the thing he deserved the most. This time, you oh-so-casually bonded Marcum and the Weasleys into the circle as well and simply not in a way that I had the impression of from previous chapters. Back then, I felt there was a silent acceptance of Marcum. Here, you make us realise it was mutual and they were actually living that acceptance; he was a part of the family. Interesting but heart-wrenching.
I felt a little down when you revealed the person was James Sirius. At the end of last chapter, I was thinking it was James Potter Senior. I know! I'm insane, but somehow that's who came in my mind. I thought it'd be very interesting to see what you'd then. How Albus would react to it. But fact was how would you explain that? I'm weird.
But well, this was better. I liked James' thoughts about his upcoming marriage. It was interesting to see that he's a modest bloke and unlike the way I thought of him from school. So he's made the transition into maturity and Albus who is usually considered to be in those shoes, is not. How sad is that? Hmm.
Favourite line: “I know I can’t bring him back,” Albus said, and his eyes were haunted. “I just want to see him one more time.”
When you write, 'I just want to see him one more time' after the tag, it added so much to the emphasis the latter part deserves. It is like in the films, the emotional, heart-breaking part is said after a pause in a quiet voice. Loved it.
The ghostly voice though, I'm thinking it's Marcum. Is it? Bring on the next chapter soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading the new chapter, Akay! I'm so glad you liked it. To touch on several things. . . yes, the ghostly voice is Marcum. I hope that was clear. I tried to give a few small hints without stating it outright because I did want the reader to wonder a bit. Your comment about Marcum being accepted is extremely perceptive. I had a line in the first chapter about "Harry and Ginny suspected much more." However, I took that out after I wrote all those drabbles about Albus and Marcum because it seemed to me that it wouldn't have been a secret and their families would have accepted Marcum because he is really just such a nice guy. I think it took some of them a while - James admits it here - but I came to see that Marcum would have totally fit into the Weasley clan after I wrote those drabbles. Good catch. :) You know, I'm sure there is a way it could have been James Potter Senior - it is magic, after all! But I really wanted to show the bond between Albus and his brother, which is why I left it from James's point of view, something my beta asked about the first time she read it. I'm only sorry there is no place in this story for his sister. Plus I had to leave a few hints for the next chapter that only James Sirius could deliver - those comments about his fiancee were not just random hints into his life. ;) As for that next chapter, your nomination really did inspire me to finish this one and start the next one. I left a big hint in my end notes. ;) Thank you so much for that nomination, I'm so honored! And thank you for the great review, I'm thrilled you enjoyed it and hope you like how it turns out! Thanks again! ~Gina :)
"Able to feel Albus's pain"... hmm, if that meant sitting in front of the computer screen frozen, a painful knot in stomach, a small hopeless smile on my face, then sure you managed to accomplish that. I'm so incredibly touched. As I said on the forums, I was worried for Albus in chapter one, but yeah, saddened this time, because he's so strong and yet broken by his tragedy. I have read very few fictions that pull off one person's reflection on the death of their partner. You were flawless.
There is one small reason that adds to me liking Lost the way I did. Character choice. You choose Albus. Harry Potter's son. The little information we have of him from the Epilogue - you played with it ingeniously, and it's rather clever, because the saddness I feel has a lot to do with who the protagonist is. His family. His father. His apprehension, nervousness. It's very attention-catching considering that glimpse of him as a boy, and then reading your interpretation of what he grew up to become.
What dialogue! Brilliant job there. Albus's anger and darkness is very engaging. His temper is hereditary. Awesome characterisation. I love how you balanced Albus and Marcum as a couple. They complement each other's personalities. Albus, impulsive and brash. Marcum, cautious and easy-going.
He told Marcum how sorry he was for casting the first curse, for not blocking the bullet that had taken Marcum’s life, for not getting to St. Mungo’s fast enough. He told him about the trial and how angry it made him to see the three men from the pub go free. He told him how he had started going to Knockturn Alley and began seeing a group of Scorpius Malfoy’s friends. He told him how he had finally heeded their advice and taken justice into his own hands, punishing Marcum’s killers far more than the Muggle court had done with the Cruciatus Curse. He told him how sick it had made him, and how sorry he was, for what he had done and what he had become.
Oh how wonderfully expressed. The repetition is something that could either kill what you're trying to say, or make it remarkable. It flows effortlessly.
And you have left off at a cliff hanger. No!
Eagerly awaiting your next chapter.
Author's Response: Wow, that is one of the best reviews I have ever gotten! Thank you thank you! First, thank you for your input back on the forums, it really did help me out with this chapter, which is rather complicated, as you can see. And thank you for all the really constructive comments in this great review. I am so glad to know that you were touched by Albus's story. You picked up exactly on what I wanted to do with this character who was so nervous about being Sorted in the epilogue of DH. I really wanted to take this person, Harry Potter's son, and turn him on his head a bit. I wanted to show how he is similar to his father, and yet how he is different - namely, in how difficult it is for him to accept the death of a loved one, something that Harry had to deal with several times. I don't know about 'flawless' and it certainly wasn't 'effortless' as I worked very hard on this chapter, so I am thrilled and humbled by your compliments. I may be poking around the Hospital Wing again soon for more plot help as the next chapters are taking some strange turns. I really appreciate your help and that you came by the archive to read the final result. Thank you again for the amazing review! ~Gina :)
Hello! i hav 2 say that that was a fantastic story! ur summary, for me, was wut rly brought me in! i rlly want 2 c wut happens to albus and im afraid he is slowly turning into a lord voldemortish guy. I feel horrible for him but another part of me wants 2 punch him in the nose and tell him 2 not go crazy! thats harsh but i feel its necesary... anyhu you r a gr8 riter and im lookin forward 2 the rest of this fic!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it so far. Don't get too upset with Albus, he's been through a lot, after all. Thanks for reading this story, I am working on the next chapter so I hope you continue to enjoy it! ~Giina :)
Wow! This is a really powerful story, even as a one-shot. I could really feel the emotions that both Albus and Harry felt, and you conveyed them wonderfully. Another part to this story would be greatly appreciated, although this stands by itself very well.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review! I really appreciate you reading this story and I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I am finally working on the second part, although it's turning out a bit different than I had intended and may still be a few weeks. Thanks again!! ~Gina :)
I think one more chapter should really complete this story. You have a choice of saving Albus or letting him be lost to the Dark side forever.
Author's Response: I'm glad you found it interesting! Thank you so much for reading this story, I really appreciate you taking the time to leave a review. I do hope to continue it someday - and answer that question. Thanks again! ~Gina :)
Oh Gina, you must tell more. Already I was drawn in by your storytelling. The dark setting, the quick tone and pace, the fiery anger - I need to know more. Who is Marcum? Was he just a friend to Albus? Albus must turn away from the Darkness. And you must continue on.
Author's Response: Kim! A very belated thank you for such a wonderful review! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and I really appreciate all your wonderful comments. There is more - Marcum was much more than a friend, but I certainly can't tell you what happens to Albus. I do hope to continue someday. Thank you again for the great review and the encouragement!! ~Gina :)
That was an interesting take.New,fresh.Continue!I wanna know what happlens!
Author's Response: Thank you for reading this story. I'm so glad you found it new and fresh. I really appreciate the review, and I do hope to continue it someday. Thanks again! ~Gina :)
Wow, that was a very emotional and powerful story. I've always had the idea of Albus wanting the Horcruxes for whatever reason in the back of my mind, and you portrayed it perfectly. And yet you still make it realistic. A lot of authors can overdo things like the fight between Albus and Harry, but I think you kept it under control, whilst really worrying the reader. I also love the way you didn't end it happily. I am forever the angst lover, and nothing is worse than having a good angsty story end happily.
Hmm, your story does give want for more, though... like Inverarity said. But I'm not sure if you should write more or not. I think that would break up the tension the reader feels at the end of the story. The want for more is a great way to draw the reader in, and it keeps their mind in the plotline. They would go over the story again and again, read it over and over. Then, of course, since readers do have minds of their own - or at least I hope they do - they would think up their own conclusion.
No, I think it's good the way it is, actually. You have no need to write more and soften the blow. But if you did write more, I wouldn't complain! :P
Fantastic job, Gina! *hugs*
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review, Azhure! I really appreciate you stopping to read this and leave such a nice note. :) And I appreciate your comments about continuing it as well. Right now I think it reads more as a scene from a story than a story itself - there is definitely more in my mind's eye. But as I said, this scene spoke to me very strongly, so I had to write it, and I'm glad it wasn't overdone! I guess I'll just have to see what my muse says about continuing it. Thanks again!! ~Gina :)