This poem is written so well; I just don't have any words to describe how good this is.
My favorite stanzas are the first and last ones. The first one has amazing lines in it.
The lovely ocean beckons, bright as angels’ tears,
That is great imaginary. I can picture the ocean thats clear and blue and very pretty.
As storm clouds ruminate and distant mountain leers.
This, along with the first line, is superb. I love it.
The last stanza is the best. The second line in it is the best in the whole poem. It's so much like a siren and I love it.
This is such a great poem. It's written amazingly and it was so much fun to read. Great job.
Oh, Phia! How breathtakingly beautiful. Honestly, my heart is just...well, it certainly isn't dancing around doing the polka. That's all I have to say about that.
You always write the most amazing poems--intricate and they always form the most beautiful scenes in my head. Ah, I love this one. It's stunning. I can picture this poem as a painting hanging in a museum in Venice. Or something. Rome. I dunno. XD And when that happens, you know it's perfect.
*has no constructive criticism or specific points to point out and is just in awe*
Hello Phia! =)
Hun, this was some amazing writing. Just so...emphatic. It's bursting with emotion, and the Siren's agony and pain is brought out so well throughout the poem. I think the rhyme scheme and the imagery just added to all of the emotion, and I could see how the world seemed so different from the Siren's perspective.
I think the first stanza just set the mood and feel of the poem. It was the choice of words, I think, that made it so powerful. The comparison to the ocean with tears of angels just spoke volumes of what was to come. Then again, we see how she felt that everything around her was mocking her, and as you so rightly put it, leering at her captivity. The world is what you wish to see it like, isn't it? The same gulls and mountains at dawn would arouse different feelings in a person who is happy. The perspective with which the Siren sees what she does was probably what told me that it wasn't a happy-ever-after existence.
I stand, caught on the precipice ‘twixt two worlds;
I might just be in love with this line. It doesn't really let go of that imagery and beauty of the previous paragraph, and connects it to the next one flawlessly. The allusion to dawn was something else that floored me. The paradox of sorts creates this really awesome feel. And might I chance a guess? If I remember right, it was the Greek Goddess of Dawn, Eos, who held Tithonus captive by the very power that's mentioned in your poem(love). Could there be an allusion to that? If you've done your research right, I'm pretty sure there is. I also get reminded of Tennyson's Tithonus when I read this.
And then we see the extent of the Siren's captivity. How she had sacrificed her life in the water for the love of a man, and how foolish she had been in thinking that it would last forever.
Entangled in infatuation, sacrificing all
So simply put, but so profound when you look at its meaning. It is just marvellous to see how you could put her whole web of problems in just five simple words. Articulate, I'd say. The clarity of thought was the first thing that struck me, and then there were these pieces of the puzzle, the clues that you'd begun giving from the very beginning, that put themselves together so perfectly. I loved this line for so many reasons.
The pain afterwards, and her unmistakable feeling of regret, was something else that captivated me. Her perspective, and how her world changed after she set foot on land, ensnared by the love which inevitably didn't last long, just brings the reader to notice that not all decisions turn to be right, and most often, those that are taken in haste are those that we regret most. Quite often, they're not reversible.
Sure I can't break, nor even resist his will.
His cursed seed within me, broken now I stand
I quoted the two lines for a specific purpose. The one thing that struck me was the use of the word 'break'. I couldn't help but notice it, so I'm rather sure that it was intentional. I just can't begin comprehend the beauty that these lines put together bring about. The same word, in two different contexts; two different meanings, two different worlds. Amazing, in a word.
Honestly, if there was really something that bothered me in this exquisite piece of writing, it had to be the rhyme scheme in the last two lines of the second-last stanza. 'Defiance' and 'dance' don't really rhyme that well when compared to the perfectly rhyming lines throughout the poem. That was my one and only observation which was negative, because this poem has to be one of my all-time favourites. It's just flawless on so many levels!
The use of 'Cold Dawn' was remarkable in the last stanza. I somehow loved the way you put across the last few lines of the poem. There's a feeling of hopelessness, despair and loss, and somehow, there's still anger at her own self, and a pang of grief as she hears that song again.The reminiscence and the thoughts going through her mind at that point of time is almost incomprehensible, and I love it when you leave it to the reader to try and understand it all. It was a perfect ending to a wonderfully written piece of work.
Author's Response: Oh wow, HJ. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this amazing review, I haven't been on MNFF for so long. And I can't believe you picked that Greek myth that inspired me! Well, there are a few of that ilk, but I especially had that one and a Celtic one about a Selkie (the original ones, the seal women) in mind. Honestly, the amount of thought you've put into this review would have to be at least equal to the amount of thought I put into the poem! And thanks for pointing out the defiance/dance thing, it rhymed in my head but now that I read it out loud I see what you mean. I'll have to fix that. This review - left over a year ago for a poem I haven't read in as long - absolutely floored me. I hope you're still on MNFF to get this response, because I want you to know how thrilled and flattered I am by it. You've made my day. :) x
I can't believe I haven't reviewed this yet -- ah, but nominating this poem for the RQSQ is a good enough time to review, don't you think? ;)
This poem is just amazingly written. The whole way you use contrasts between the main character and the seagulls, her husband and the sea. I just... the description, the language, the emotions, the rhythm... It's all so beautiful.
My favourite part would have to be the ending -- where we see to its full extent the chains her husband has wrapped about her, and we see the longing she feels, and the knowledge she has that she'll never be free.
I've read this poem heaps of times, and I love it more each time. Gah, I honestly don't know what else to say. This poem is amazing.
Wow, that's fantastic! Your vocabulary is just wonderful, so colorful and varied and complex - and it rhymes too! It's also beautifully subtle, as well as tragically sad. Great job!! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: *blushes* Thanks, Gina!
I think you know by now how much I love this poem, right? *grins* I've only mentioned it oh...several (million) times. =) Anyway, now I have a place to fangirl it, and it won't be spam. Yay!
This poem is just beautiful, Phia. I love the description in the first stanza - the personification of the ocean, the clouds, and the mountains is very powerful, and I love the imagery it gives. It’s just…a fantastic image. I can’t really explain it better than that (and I call myself a poet! XD). The line 'Oh, I was the siren caught by the sirens' call' is just so deliciously ironic I can't help but love it, too. =D And of course, the ending...why, that just takes my breath away every time I read it.
Gah. This is just so inspiring. I feel like I should write something now. But I’m trapped in this inferiority complex you’ve given me! =D
*squishes Kate* I still can't quite figure out why you like my poetry so much when yours is infinitely more arresting and intricate, but hey, I'm not complaining! Don't bother with the inferiority complex, honey. It doesn't make sense for BOTH of us to feel it when we read the other's work. Which reminds me - I really need to go have a look at the poems YOU have posted! If my internet will let me. It takes about half an hour to load every page on the archives, for some reason. Sigh.