Reviews For Spells or Sweets?
Reviewer: Cirelondiel
Date: 11/22/08 1:44
Chapter: Spells or Sweets?

Aw, what a cute story, Avery! It's fluffy but not gooey - there's a nice hint of awkwardness, perfect for this budding romance. I liked the little touch of Remus wanting to impress her.

I don't think you need the ----- break between the first two sections, as no time passed so it would be clearer and smoother if you linked it with words, rather than chopping it up.

The characterisation was nice. Very natural. It's a little bit of a stretch to imagine Lily and Remus so willingly breaking the rules and doing that to Slughorn - I almost think it would have been more believable if they'd revealed themselves to Slughorn and maybe shared some crystallised pineapple with him ;) Their actions seemed slightly malicious - I can see them breaking the rules for some good innocent fun, and I think it would be plausible to have Slughorn letting them get away with it because Lily was one of his best students.

The idea of replacing Trick-or-Treat with Spells or Sweets is clever :)

I think the last sentence was, unfortunately, a little bit generic. You could replace it with something stronger, something that shows his happiness rather than basically just telling us. It just seems like a slightly cliched end.

But overall, this is really nice :) It's light and sweet without being sickly... just perfect. No spelling or grammar problems that I spotted, either. Great job!

-- Chelsea

Author's Response:

Thank you! I really enjoyed writing it. :) I don't usually write in the Marauder era, so it was interesting to give it a try. I didn't want to go into a huge I'll love you forever, all I need is you type of romance and I'm happy that you saw that!

 Thanks for reviewing, deeply appreciated,



Thanks for the critiquing as well.

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
The Green Knight Rises by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
In Creevey Comics the Green Knight works alone to uncover the truth. Scorpius...
Flowers in Winter by silverfirelizard53 6th-7th Years
She was a girl of exceptional talent and a kind heart, but she had been born...
Under the Southern Cross by FloreatCastellum 1st-2nd Years
Rolf Scamander has ventured to a remote archipelago to study a rare and exotic...
Today Will Be Better, I Swear! by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
'I'm going to miss you, Mr Ollivander,' said Luna, approaching the old man.'And...
Honestly by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
Seven months after leaving Hogwarts, James Potter is fighting for the Order...