Reviewer: Viv
Date: 12/17/08 20:13
Chapter: Kingsley’s Lament

Look who's here again! Just thought I'd let you know that I started to read that famous entry of yours, just as promised. I never would've thought Harry would try to play the match maker one day! But that made me smile. Shall we go see what Kingsley is up to next? I think we will! (and yes, I'm aware I'm talking about myself with the "we" thing...) :P

Author's Response: As long as you're aware, it's okay. And the next chapter is better. Wait til you get into the flashbacks I told you all about. :D

Reviewer: captburke
Date: 12/07/08 0:11
Chapter: Second Chances

Perfect ending. I'm a reader and always want more of the story no matter what I'm reading, but this story was well written and exactly the right length. Now I'm going to have to look for other stories you've written and see if they run true to form.

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I really had a lot of fun writing this one. :D

Reviewer: xesaulx
Date: 12/06/08 1:36
Chapter: Kingsley’s Worst Night

Fair warning...ranting time.

KINGSLEY YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING IDIOT! What did you expect to happen if you leave files out in the open like that! GOODNESS GRACIOUS! I thought you were smarter than that. I looked up to you SO much. BUT nooo you blew it! YOU BLEW IT! You were working on Bella when you said you would understand that Elysia would love and stay with her no matter what. IDIOT!

But BAM! I so called it. I CALLED IT! *dances* I feel smartyful for calling it right. Of course, I called part of it right in all fairness and not all of it.

But poooooor Kingsley. You broke her heart.

And now I got to wait. So not cool.

Author's Response: *hugs poor Kingsley*

He was stupid, but he really just wasn't thinking. He'd been working so hard. All he wanted was time with Elysia. They were only seeing each other when she could sneak away from her family. Anyway, he was so excited when she arrived that he forgot how bad the files would look to her. Stupid, but I thought understandable.

As for investigating Bella. He didn't really listen or understand what Elysia told him. He knew that she was decent person. Therefore, he assumed that she would eventually turn on Bella as she got worse and worse. To an extent, he was right. She left Bella, but she also left him. She just never stopped loving them.

Well, you knew it was about Bella. Congrats.

Yes, poor Kingsley. Not a good night for either of them.

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I really do appreciate it. :D:D:D

Reviewer: xesaulx
Date: 12/06/08 1:28
Chapter: The Ball

O...M...G!!! SHE MADE IT! SHE MADE IT! SHE MADE IT! YAY! Go Kingsley! Go get that girl!

Haha, sorry, I was a little bit excited. Just a LITTLE. Not like I was attached to the story or anything...

But of course, I want to point out something. I think Kingsley would be someone who knows what the Grinch is, only because he's a half blood, just like Harry, but that also depends on the condition of his childhood.

Author's Response: LOL. Of course, she made it. I'm not that mean.

I really didn't know how much knowledge Kingsley would have of the Grinch, so I left him out of the converstation completely. He doesn't care what they're talking about anyway. He's miserable and moping. So I doubt he'd bother to comment.

Thanks for reviewing!

Reviewer: xesaulx
Date: 12/06/08 1:22
Chapter: Kingsley’s Best Night

It would also be they’re first night together after she graduated from school.

Wrong use of they're. The way you used it means that they are first night, which doesn't make sense. Instead you want their.

Their lips meant.

Simple typo. You want met.

Kingsley can cook!?!?! So cool. I wish I could cook, then I could be one of those guys that can impress a girl that way. haha right.

I enjoy how lovey-dovey they are. I'm soon approaching the chapter where I find out what happens though, I'm sensing it because of the name of the chapter, Kingsley's Worse Day...kinda nervous about that. But the show must go on!

Author's Response: Errors fixed. Thank you.

Kingsley can cook. He lives alone and needed to learn. Of course, if I lived alone everything would be about the microwave, but that's just me.

I rather enjoy their lovey-doveiness as well. They're cute.

Thanks for another lovely review.

Reviewer: xesaulx
Date: 12/06/08 1:16
Chapter: Normal

Aww poor Kingsley! I was thinking about how expensive it was going to be for him to send those roses every day. I was so hoping that he would have gotten an answer from her. But noooo. I wonder what Kingsley did that was so serious. And of course stupid Ron has to be so naive to his feelings. Good thing Harry's there to put him in shape. I thought it was funny how Harry mentioned the whole weight thing, I dunno, I just thought it was.

I hope Kingsley gets what he wants. It's gonna suck going to something alone like that, especially a ball. I hated going to prom last year on my own, sat around for four hours and dancing like...once. blah.

Author's Response: Yes, poor Kingsley. Elysia was slow in responding to him. She needed time to make the right decison. He did sort of just show up out of the blue, burying her in flowers.

The weight thing was very random. I wanted the conversation to return to normal, showing Harry and Ron were making an effort not to dwell on Kingsley's problems. But I do like to get some digs in at Ron whenever I can. :p

Thanks for another lovely review.

Reviewer: xesaulx
Date: 12/06/08 1:05
Chapter: Beyond Perfect

If only it was easy to fall in love like that. I envy what Kingsley has. If only I were that lucky with the people I like.

I'm getting a couple of theories in my head about what's going to happen to make Elysia drive Kingsley away. I'm going to reveal one of them as an educated guess. I think something's going to happen with Bella that's going to make her side with her best friend, and Kingsley isn't too happy about it because it's serious...or something. Well the only way to know is to keep on reading...xD

Author's Response: Kingsley and Elysia have something special. Something that I really doubt is very common.

Well, I know you've read enough to know why Elysia leaves Kingsley. I won't say more than that in case someone is reading these reviews who isn't that far into the story.

Thanks for another lovely review. :D

Reviewer: xesaulx
Date: 12/06/08 0:58
Chapter: A Decision

Back to the present, and once again flawless with the transaction. I enjoy how smooth that occurs. I'm glad that I'm not confused having to try and figure out if I'm reading about the past or present. It's just so simple.

And you're probably going to think I'm weird making another reference to yet another book. But when I'm reading this, I'm also reminded of Wuthering Heights in a way. I think it's because of the fact that the time shift occurs so much and how Kingsley has changed, though I don't know exactly what he did yet to make her turn away from him. Another mystery waiting to unfold.

I hope Kingsley doesn't get his heart broken in the end. I thought it was trčs romantique of Kingsley to send her a bouquet of red roses to her every single day. I can't imagine any girl saying no to a gesture as wonderful as that.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad the transitions are working well. :D

The roses. LOL. I ended up really loving the idea, but it started because of the contest prompt. Someone was supposed to do something amusing the win the love of the other. At first, it was just all I could come up with to fit the prompt, but afterwards, I got really attached to the idea.

Thanks for another lovely review!

Reviewer: xesaulx
Date: 12/06/08 0:51
Chapter: The Beginning

His eyes fixed on Elysia, and he saw nothing else.

To me, that sounded a bit awkward. Hm. Maybe rewording it a bit? I dunno. But it wasn't that big enough for me to stop reading or anything. I figured, hey, why not point it out and make a simple note about it?

Other than that, I loved how you went to an immediate flash back about her. It's actually brilliant. And so far you're getting me very intrigued with the story line. I mean, I never pictured Kingsley having a weak spot for someone like that, and you made it seem so realistic, so flawless as you described it.

And from what I said about Scrooge in my chapter one review, looks like that's no longer viable, for there was no greed involved or anything. But the idea behind it is still the same. Sooooo off we go to chapter three. See you in a bit!

Author's Response: I wasn't sure about the flashbacks, at first, but I thought they were the only way to really tell the story. I don't think anyone could really understand Kingsley's love for Elysia without seeing it. So I showed some of their more important relationship moments so the reader could see where Kingsley was coming from.

Thanks for another lovely review.

Reviewer: xesaulx
Date: 12/06/08 0:42
Chapter: Kingsley’s Lament

He’d leave it there.

He would leave it there. He did leave it there. Neither make sense and aren't correct either. You'd want to make it past tense to he left it there. Only mistake I found.

So now we get to the fun comments where grammar can't get in the way. Since I pointed out the only mistake I could find, you get to go through the best part, what I loved and enjoyed about this chapter, something I bet you're just dying to read. Hm. So yeah...

Kingsley was always one of my favorite characters ever since his introduction. I often try to role play as him, or create a character that somewhat mirrors his persona. I loved how you depicted Kingsley. I also had the vibe that allowed me to compare him to Dickens' Scrooge. And in fact, this sort of reminds me of that in some ways more than others. The fact that he's grumpy during the holiday season and how it relates to losing his greatest love. In fact, that was something Scrooge realized as well, but the only way these two characters differ is that Kingsley isn't in love with his wealth like Scrooge. But of course, I don't know all that much yet since I'm only on the first chapter.

I loved how you kept Harry and Ron as their natural immature-ish self. Classic. And the fact that they aren't going to give up on Kingsley either, makes me want to know more of this. It's the holiday season, and the fact that Harry and Ron want to keep a close eye on him so he doesn't go blow everyone up made me chuckle a bit. Great job. Going on to chapter two. =)

Author's Response: I fixed that. Thanks.

Kingsley has really started to grow on me over the last little while. I'm not sure why, but I'm very attached to him these days.

I can't imagine Harry and Ron being anything but immature really. I thought Kingsley blowing things up was a nice touch. :P

Thanks for reviewing.

Reviewer: captburke
Date: 12/05/08 22:56
Chapter: Kingsley’s Worst Night

I love the way you're developing this story. Can't wait for the next chapters.

Author's Response: Thank you. The story should be entirely posted soon.

Reviewer: JustLikeHermione77
Date: 12/05/08 15:30
Chapter: The Ball

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! update sooon!!

Author's Response: Will do. Glad your interested.

Reviewer: captburke
Date: 12/03/08 23:23
Chapter: Beyond Perfect

Very intriguing storyline having a "white sheep" Slytherin in the Malfoy family.

Author's Response: LOL. All the other families seem to have someone who differs from the traditinal family beliefs. I just can't imagine that there's never been a Malfoy like that.

Reviewer: Skipper424
Date: 12/03/08 14:39
Chapter: Kingsley’s Lament

Wow, Sly, every time I turn around, there’s something in the Most Recent section from you. I had only started looking at the first chapter in this story yesterday. I came back to it today to write a review to find not one, but two more chapters. You can’t make it things easy for a slow reader such as me, can you? I’ll have you know that I intended to hold that against you in my final evaluation… (Kidding).

Overall, I really enjoy the premise for your story. Sometimes guys are funny that way. Tell us to go fight a dragon, and we’ll tell you that it’s no problem and rush right off with our swords drawn. Tell us to talk to a female (especially one we have feelings for), many of us cringe, buckle at the knees, and whine about how she might bite. In your characterization of Kinglsey, I think that you really have done a nice job capturing that. You even have Kingsley himself noting as much.

Harry and Ron do a great job pestering Kingsley about the ball and asking this dream girl of his to it. It’s kind of funny to admit, but I’ve been part of conversations that paralleled the ones in your story. The dialogue is just very believable to me. It seems natural and flows well. I think the dialogue is probably the strong point of your story so far.

I had mixed feelings about the scene in Chapter Two where Kingsley follows Bellatrix, Elysia, and the Lestrange brothers and witnesses them setting that house where the squib lives on fire. Part of me can see where Kingsley would have acted exactly as he did in your story because he liked Elysia. So, it’s not as though I mean to say I found it implausible. No, what I was wondering is if Kingsley would be too righteous and be totally put-off when he saw her go along with what they did. Perhaps Elysia explains herself to him in the future …

And, wow, does Kingsley lay it on thick! He sends her a bouquet of rose every day until he tells them to stop! I’m guessing she is beaten into submission under an avalanche of roses, finally agreeing to go with him to the ball. Either that or she ends up filing a formal complaint against him with the Ministry. I cannot wait to see how that turns out.

Very enjoyable story so far. Keep up the good work. And, by gosh, pace yourself! I can only read so much fan fiction at a once (*smile*).



Author's Response: Whoa. Thanks for the super long review. I really appreciate it.

As for the quick updates, this story has ten chapters and needs to be posted by the tenth, so I can't poke too much. Besides, it's all written and edited, so it's just a matter of posting.

I've actually had a lot of fun showing a weaker side of Kingsley. He always seems so sensible and level-headed. I like playing with a more human side of him.

I had some trouble with his actions the night of the fire. I wanted to offence to be vaguely minor, something that he could overlook. No one was home. The house wasn't damaged. Had someone been hurt the story might've been entirely different. But later on, Kingsley does show a major lack of judgment because of Elysia, but he is only human, after all.

Again, thank you for the review. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, which probably will be updated again tonight. :p

Reviewer: Ravenclaw Girl
Date: 12/02/08 22:59
Chapter: The Beginning

wow, great story. good writing

just a pointer, it says that elysia is still in school and is a year younger than kingsly but aurors train for 3 years after school

Author's Response: Thanks. And Krud. Okay, I'll have to change the age differene. The joy of OCs, it's so much easier to change stuff. Thanks for the tip. I totally forgot that.

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 12/02/08 7:46
Chapter: Kingsley’s Lament

This is intriguing. I'm desperate to know who Kingsley's long lost love is. Looking forward to the update and hope it's soon.
Carole

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you find it intresting. I plan to update very soon. :D

Reviewer: JustLikeHermione77
Date: 12/01/08 19:07
Chapter: Kingsley’s Lament

DUN DUN DUNNNN!!! update soon!!

Author's Response: Well, it all has to be posted by the 20th, so you shouldn't have to wait too long. Thanks for the review. I'm glad you're interested in the story.

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