“Dad,” he cried, running across the room and wrapping his arms around his father. Surprisingly, his arms didn’t go through him. He could feel his dad.
“Cedric?” Amos asked. “I can sense you. Are you here?”
Oh my god. This was a great moment. I kind of lost it and got all warm and fuzzy here. It was an awesome climax to the story, and it made sense in the story without being too mushy. I loved the ending, and it fit the first prompt in the challenge nicely. Cedric, literally and figuratively, got to go home. Monoi was an okay character, but I felt he was more of a prop than anything else in this story, and I liked how the last chapter refocused and Cedric and Amos.
Author's Response: The ending wasn't really planned. I knew Cedric and his father had to connect somehow. This just came to me while I was writing. I'm glad to hear it worked out well.
As for Monoi, he wasn't my favorite character. He was there for the prompt. But I worked with him as best I could. I thought he had him moments.
Anyway, thank you for the lovely reviews. I'm glad you liked the story.
This concept was too interesting to pass up. I had to come in and read it. I liked how you started out by having Cedric thinking that maybe he was in hell. Contrasting heaven with hell, and making heaven into hell, was a great way to begin this fic. I also liked the added touch of the mirror, and on another note, I also liked how you didn’t get too much into one specific religion in your fic. I also wondered why, though, if Cedric can’t move on, why is he not a ghost? I understand this is AU, so I realize you can have Cedric as someone in heaven instead of someone who becomes a ghost.
Author's Response: ...A ghost? Actually, the thought never crossed my mind. I don't see Cedric as the type to be a ghost. He'd want to move on the next world. So maybe that would make the difference. Even though he can't let go, he knows he has to. I always thought that someone made a choice to be a ghost. If he chose not to, he could still be in heaven, struggling to move on. But I am currently happy that my AU warning can just cover this over, since the ghost thing didn't occur to me in the first place.
Thanks for the review, by the way. :D
Ok, I have to admit - I'm rather possessive of Cedric cause of my current fic, and your fluffy heaven turned me off a bit at first, but this chapter just... wow. It was so good.
The description of Amos, all building up to that one line:
A single tear slid down his father’s cheek and Cedric lost it.
“Dad,” he cried, running across the room and wrapping his arms around his father.
Really excellent. I nearly lost it myself there.
The snow didn’t crunch beneath his feet. He couldn’t really explain why, but that made him sad. It just seemed like something else he’d lost.
Good line. Good way to bring details like snow on the ground and feelings like Cedric being sad into the story w/o directly stating them in a boring way.
So anyway- another reason this caught my eye, my entry to WS is the exact opposite! Amos' perspective. So it was nice to see this prompt from Cedric's viewpoint, very interesting for me especially. (Plus the fact that I've been writing about Ced for the past seven months) I love reading other people's Cedrics, if that makes sense. I hope mine is half as good as yours was. *hugs*
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to do something a little different for this prompt. My original idea was very lame, trust me. It actually involved Bella being locked in a Muggle mental institution. Thankfully, I then came up with an idea involving Sirius' ghost that then led to this. I'm inclined to say it was the best of my ideas...for sure.
So you're writing about Amos for Winter Snows. I think he has a pretty strong character. Although, I really only remember him from the movie. I really am going to have to force myself to re-read GOF.
Anyway, thanks so much for the review!
Rather or not she thinks things can improve without your visit.
Rather wouldn't be the best word choice here. Instead you would want to consider 'whether'.
Despite the beauty of the room, it all paled in comparison to the woman seated on the chair.
I get what you're trying to say there, but it's really awkward to me without the word was before all.
There was one huge error I found in this. You stated in the previous chapter that this all took place six months after he died. Or did I not see the leap in time? Because if this was taking place six months after he died, his mother wouldn't have died years ago since she was alive when Cedric died. Also, personally, I think a little more drama could have been used to escalate to the Head Halo's decision. Other than that, I feel that this chapter was better than the first, and I'm happily waiting for more.
Author's Response: Whoops! I haven't had that many errors for a long time. *headdesk* Anyway, thank you for pointing them out. I've fixed the minor issues.
About Cedric's mother, this is bad, but I used the GOF movie as a guide. As an ex-mod, I should've known better. I just really didn't like that book, and apparently don't remember the canon from it overly well. Anyway, I like the idea of Amos being alone so I've decided to leave the story as is and include an AU warning. I do apologize for making such a ridiculous mistake. Maybe my brain hasn't fully retruned from my fanfiction vacation.
There were angels singing and gorgeous surroundings—the typical view of heaven, but there was nothing to make him happy only things to make his sad.
Simple typo. It should be only things to make him sad.
The Head Halo will review your case and decide if you shall be grated access to the living world.
You want to use granted instead of grated.
So here and there I found a few grammatical mistakes, nothing too much that I'm picky about. As for the chapter itself, interesting. I don't foresee it being a lengthy novel at the moment. But I will keep reading.
Author's Response: I fixed the errors. Thanks. And no, it's not a long story. There's only one chapter left.
Ah, Elle, this is going to be very, very interesting! First, rarely do I read anything about Cedric; however, I have though about it a time or two. Second, this is awesome. :] I love the idea of Cedric as a ghost needing to reach his father for closure—a very interesting and original take on the prompt! The whole conflict of Cedric being unable to move on as well as his father being unable is very plausible, and very in character to a certain extent. From what we saw of Cedric in the books, he was caring and loyal as a Hufflepuff should be.
At first, the way you depicted heaven as the usual image of fluffy clouds and singing angels kind of turned me off the story a bit, but as I read on, the image and world of sorts grew on me. In the end, the idea of a Head Halo seemed reasonable, and the little world you seamlessly created perfect for the plotline.
Besides all this, I am basically in love with your writing style and am about to go leave review on your other Winter Snows entry(ies). I can’t wait for the update XD .
Author's Response: *squeels like a little girl*
I was so waiting to get a review on this. It was an iffy idea, actually. Since this was the last Winter Snows prompt I hadn't written, I really wanted to do it. The idea didn't even originate with Cedric. Originally, it was Sirius. I was going to have him trying to get back to Narcissa and Bellatrix, but for very different reasons... However, the more I thought about it, I started thinking about Cedric, and he seemed like a much better fit for the story and the theme of the season. So I just went with it.
The relationship between Cedric and his father is the main focus of the story. I really liked their relationship in the GOF movie, more so than the book. I think I may be one of the only people who didn't really like GOF as a book. Anyway, I thought their bond was perfect for this. They were so close and obviously they would be devestated if parted. Cedric has a connection to his father that every child wishes to have with their parents.
LOL. I'm glad you warmed up to my fluffy clouds. It's an image that has always stayed in my mind, and I couldn't resist using it here. And thank you, for saying a Head Halo is believable. I struggled with that part.
Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm thrilled to hear you want to read my other stories. Really, it just makes my day. *hugs*