Reviews For The Family Pearl
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/02/12 20:41
Chapter: The Family Pearl

How sad! Narcissa could have decided that she was a person who loved her family, but I suppose she was so empty and effected by the war that she just lost her way... Great poem! J love the rhyme. :)

Author's Response: Okay, I just re-read this poem since I didn't remember it from so long ago. Thanks for the review and reminding me that I'd written this.

Reviewer: Cirelondiel
Date: 02/28/09 7:32
Chapter: The Family Pearl

This poem has had over a hundred reads, but not one review? How sad. I thought it was really quite good, and an interesting take on Narcissa.

I liked the simple rhyme scheme - as if she was, as you said the summary, simply contemplating, stripping away her life to a brief summary. The first two lines in particular were my favourites, capturing the essence of the whole poem in just a few words:

When I was a little girl,
I was the family pearl.

I love the simplicity of those lines. I was a bit confused by the line that soon followed, though - 'it was sad to see' everyone loving her. I can understand Narcissa's view of her childhood changing as she got older, but I'm not sure who you meant would be saddened by seeing her doted upon...

The repetition of the second stanza later in the poem was really effective in emphasising the importance of its meaning and tying the whole poem together.

The poem mostly flowed well, but I felt that these two lines were too short compared to the rest, and disrupted the rhythm: 

Her life is gone,
And yet I live on.

I also think that the word 'suppose' might work better in this line:

I guess I won the fight,

'I guess' sounds a bit informal to me, and a two-syllable word would make the line fit in with the rhythm of the poem better too. The use of 'fight' also seemed strange as you hadn't spoken of any conflict or battle for attention between the siblings. Or maybe you were referring to a general battle for survival, and Narcissa was the only one who came out with her family and her life? Hmm.

Overall, a nice simple poem that really captured a Narcissa who sees herself as nothing special, just lucky. Nice job :)

-- Chelsea



Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Green Knight Rises by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
In Creevey Wizard Comics, the Green Knight aids those in need under the cloak...
The Deathly Children by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Summer, 1899. In the village of Godric's Hollow, the Dumbledore family is falling...
Not From Others by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
She may not have been able to join Harry, Ron and Hermione, but Ginny refuses...
FEATURED
Whatever Happened to Saturday Night by Simply Being 3rd-5th Years
A short tale of the Marauder's friendship and its subsequent demise. Songfic...
Love is Like a Wrong Turn on a Cold Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
Michael Corner muses on his short-lived relationship with Daphne Greengrass...
Maps by the opaleye Professors
Tell me, is the rose naked Or is that her only dress? -Pablo Neruda Four...
Pineapple in the Library by 1000timesingoldenink 1st-2nd Years
It's late on a Sunday evening, and Neville has a couple of questions...Why is...
CATEGORIES