Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 03/14/10 14:30
Chapter: I Don't Stand a Ghost of a Chance With You

How brave of Hermione to take the bull by the horns and tell Severus she loves him. How brave to actually go to the graveyard while he was visiting Lily's grave. I agree with Hermione. I think a true friend would forgive. Severus did so much to repent for what he said to Lily when he was under stress. Great story.

Reviewer: Indigoenigma
Date: 02/28/09 18:42
Chapter: I Don't Stand a Ghost of a Chance With You

Subversa –

Wow! I’m very impressed with how these four drabbles – which can be completely separate – unify and create an entire story. Although the brief length was clearly the purpose of the challenge, I would have loved to have seen a little bit more character and/or relationship development. However, I do understand the confines of a challenge and I thought that you did an excellent job on the characterization with the limited words that you had.

For example:

She turned on him, demanding angrily, ‘Were you afraid she would hear?’

That was a wonderful line for Hermione. Although it was a very serious moment, it made be laugh. Hermione is such a Gryffindor at heart – fierce, strong, and loyal – that it was the perfect reaction for her to have to Severus’ actions. There was just the right amount of jealousy in her voice – how could she compete with a dead and very much idolized woman? – to make it sound indignant and very Hermione-ish.

Hermione/Snape is always such an interesting pairing. Their intellects always seem to serve as springboards for the other. It interested me, thus, to see Hermione describe their relationship as a master and apprentice, with offices at Spinner’s End. When I read that, I was suddenly very curious as to how exactly their partnership had been formed. Once again I wished that you weren’t required to be quite so lacking in words, but I still understand the challenge aspect.

In the next moment, he had risen, jerking her to her feet, and wrapping her up in his arms, he Disapparated.

Although this sentence is absolutely fine grammatically, I feel that it sounds a little bit clumsy with all of the commas and actions. Personally, just for clarity’s sake, I would turn this into two sentences. The most natural place to end it would be after “jerking her to her feet.” Even if you just got rid of the “and” before “wrapping” and made that into the second sentence, it would sound a lot sharper and clearer, even though it’s fine as it is now.

I also quite liked Severus’ character. I thought that you did a wonderful job of having him still care so much about Lily and his past actions. He’s an extremely reflective and caring person in the books and I liked how you were able to emphasize those qualities in a minimum of words.

I’m quite fond of this story and I’m still quite amazed at all you were able to pack into it in less than five hundred words.

~Kelly

Reviewer: HermioneJPotter
Date: 02/28/09 17:19
Chapter: I Don't Stand a Ghost of a Chance With You

Sounds awesome! I love all of your stories and I can't wait for anything new written by you. Are there going to be more chapters to this? I would love it!

Reviewer: Love_Snape
Date: 02/27/09 16:30
Chapter: I Don't Stand a Ghost of a Chance With You

Your a really good writer Subversa

Reviewer: magichick123
Date: 02/27/09 10:02
Chapter: I Don't Stand a Ghost of a Chance With You

omg!!! a new story by my fav author with my fav people!!!
how i loved this
it was beautiful!!
will there be any more chapters?!
and if not will u be writting any more??
loved it!!
yay you have made me happy =]

Reviewer: magichick123
Date: 02/27/09 10:01
Chapter: I Don't Stand a Ghost of a Chance With You

omg!!! a new story by my fav author with my fav people!!!
how i loved this
it was beautiful!!
will there be any more chapters?!
and if not will u be writting any more??
loved it!!
yay you have made me happy =]

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Crofter and The Snake by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
During the perilous school year of 1997-1998, when Muggleborns are on the run...
Lily and Alice by Wenlock 3rd-5th Years
Alice defied the odds when she became the first woman Auror in the 20th century.Lily...
Time, Space, and Blunt Force Trauma by teh tarik 3rd-5th Years
On the very last day of his life, Sirius Black was bored. Bored, bored, bored.
FEATURED
My Troubled Tyrant by Belledeg Professors
Keedie Dante has experienced many amazing things during her time at Hogwarts...
His and Hers by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
In a perfect world, Neville and Hannah's wedding would go off without a hitch...
All This Waiting For The Sky To Fall by Dawnie 1st-2nd Years
They found her body - broken, bleeding, face filled with signs of pain and fear...
Sanguini, the Vampire by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Vampirism is the persistence and the perpetuity of the body, a madness of the...
Lost and Found by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
When Tracey Davis's financial security was a casualty of war, her family is...
CATEGORIES