Reviewer: jenny b
Date: 02/13/11 2:13
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

I totally neglected to mention this in my other review, but you always have the BEST titles. Seriously. I love this one especially—it’s just so romantic and dark at the same time, and ‘cataclysmic’ is a seriously awesome word. Anyway. I totally didn’t want to read this fic, because it doesn’t look like you’re going to finish it, and that makes me sad because it’s Rose/Scorpius and you know how much I love them. But I read it anyway, and now I must live with the torment that I will never know what happens.

It’s an interesting twist on the usual R/S, which is great. I love the idea of McGonagall attempting to set them up—it would be fascinating to see where this goes and how she does it! The descriptions of them as royalty are very apt, I thought, especially for Rose—Gryffindor would think of the Weasleys as their heroes, so of course they would be popular and well-liked. I can’t see Scorpius getting the same amount of attention and flattery from Slytherin after what his family did in the war, but if he’s anything like his father then he probably managed to win them over anyway.

I really love the prologue-y, storyteller feel to this. Sometimes when people write prologues it bothers me because they’re essentially just writing the first chapter and want a fancy name for it, but you’ve written an excellent one that really sets the scene for the rest of the story. The description is just so gorgeous, and it gives a great other-wordly feel to it. Even though it’s set in the future, I kept imagining kings and queens and medieval times with clashing rivalries. It’s fantastic.

Gah, I just want to be a fangirly reviewer and yell at you to update. This story has so much potential, and I’m almost sad to see it linger here unfinished. But I’m sure you have bigger and better projects to focus on. Thanks for the lovely read, dear!

Author's Response: Actually, I have been thinking about this story and where I want it to go . . . It probably won't get updated for a few more months, but I do want to write it :D Thank you so much for reading this even though it's stalled and for reviewing and complimenting my titles and descriptions and writing and for just generally being you who's completely awesome. ;D <3Mere

Reviewer: XhayleeXblackX
Date: 06/30/09 21:10
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

Mere, my dear, I found this prologue extremely inviting! The writing style is very different than what I have read lately, and it really helped to draw me in because it felt so fresh.

The description is, I think, what sets this prologue apart from just another prologue, and the start of a captivating, intriguing tale. Take the opening paragraph, for instance:

Many people of a more foolish mind had hoped that these so very prominent houses, Gryffindor and Slytherin, would be able to set aside their differences and declare a truce at the end of the Second War, a mutual agreement to end their primal loathing of each other.

The concept of this sentence is simple and easy enough to grasp, but what gives it the power to bring your readers into this story is the imagery and word choice. Instead of stating that the two houses hated each other, you described how foolish those who didn’t understand viewed their dislike and wished to push them together – a silly, false hope as far as their members are concerned. Because you don’t state the commonplace fact of their rivalry, you give the opening intense power, something that takes a lot of work and skill.

I also enjoyed the way that the story began with Minerva instead of Rose and Scorpius. By choosing to start your plot off this way, I think it will ultimately allow for it to be more believable and natural in the end. It’s also a refreshing view.

Red and green, fire and ice, bold and discreet – born to clash, born to move mountains.

I really loved this depiction of Rose and Scorpius because it is so very believable. Rose is the daughter of two very opinionated people, and I think that the words ‘fire and bold’ really fit what I can imagine her personality to be like. The same goes for ‘ice and discreet’ to describe Scorpius – they are two characteristics that are very Malfoy-esque. These early, subtle views of their characterization leave me very excited to read their upcoming story, because I believe that you will do their characters justice and keep them true.

The only thing that threw me off was the abrupt shift from description of the fighting and the excuses straight into McGonagall’s tiredness over their petty rivalry. It seemed to come rather quickly and interrupted the flow of the story. I think that if you were to perhaps provide a little more of Minvera’s insight into the plan to get Rose and Scorpius to begin the healing of the two houses.

Like here: … she didn’t know what to do or how to stop it.

How could one end such a violent hatred?

Not with a violent act of love, surely.

And who better…


The quick change from trying to figure out how to end the violence and hatred to the decision that an act of love wouldn’t work left me curious and slightly confused as to how she reaches this point. Because in the next paragraph Minerva’s train of thought shifts to putting Scorpius and Rose together. So perhaps if you were to fill in this bit with more of her thought process, it would allow the reader a better understand of what she’s thinking, and give this section a better flow that isn’t so abrupt and short.

The only other thing I noticed was that there were a few punctuation and other errors throughout the chapter, so you may want to have a beta look over this again if you already haven’t just to fix those small things.

All in all, you have a very intriguing prologue here that I am immensely interested in. I do so hope you continue on with this story, dear.

-Haylee

Reviewer: fg_weasley
Date: 06/30/09 17:41
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

Hello Mere, dear. I’ve been meaning to come read this fic for a while, so here I am!

First, the summary is definitely what drew me in. I’m not really a fan of Rose/Scorpius, and certainly not anything reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet, but your summary was far too good to resist. The summary definitely draws the reader in immediately, and gives them just a taste of what is surely inside. Also, I want to commend the title you chose because it, as well, is very intriguing.

I like the way you began the fic with the descriptions on the two houses. Immediately it gives the reader the central sense of conflict, but at the same time, it isn’t so obvious that the reader need not continue. Then the first sentence of your actual writing sets off those two opening pieces really nicely; they complement each other with a sort of irony. The fact that you have the houses still at each other’s throats, and worse than before, is a nice change to the thought of everything being so suddenly happy-go-lucky. It’s quite believable that it would be that way, and I am certainly glad that that is how you have it.

Verbal abuse flowed like between members of these houses, like a river with a broken dam.

This I quote for two reasons. The first is that the word ‘like’ is accidentally placed between the words ‘flowed’ and ‘between’ when it shouldn’t be there. I also quoted this because it is a great example of the way you use similes so wonderfully. It gives the reader an image when otherwise there might not have been one, and that adds a lot to your story. It also says something about your writing style; you use similes to make a point, and you use them well.

I like the way you introduce both Rose and Scoripus without actually introducing them by name. I particularly loved this line, and especially the last bit of it: Red and green, fire and ice, bold and discreet – born to clash, born to move mountains. Its wonderfully worded, dear.

This was a good, intriguing prologue. Its thick with tension and a certain feeling of lust despite the fact that almost nothing happened, especially not between Rose and Scorpius. I think that shows a good author; to be able to bring such emotions using and showing so little. I do wonder, though, why it is that they have to be the ones to changes things – why them? What could they do that Professor McGonagall could not manage herself? I’m sure these are questions that will be answered in later chapters, and I do hope you write more soon. Again, well done!

xox
nikki :D

Reviewer: ringobeatlesfan4
Date: 04/14/09 9:27
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

WHOA MERE! that was probably the most well-written prologue I have EVER seen! Please update this quickly; I loooooove it! Rose/Scorpius is my OTP, and I was looking for all of the R/S fics I could find and then i found this one... and I am in love with it. It's amazing! {BeccA}

Reviewer: Aradion
Date: 03/26/09 12:07
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

Well, firstly I have to say I'm impressed by your writing style. Seriously, I think it's wonderful! Secondly, I should admiit that when I first came across this fanfic I thought:"Just the usual fluff about love and hate, how they are inextricably linked and how they inevitably collide". You see, I believe that the whole concept of a classic Shakespearean tragedy has become really banal over the last few years. But I was wrong because I had never thought that after the war the controversy between Gryffindor and Slytherin was aggravated. I certainly like the twist though. And I wholeheartedly believe your story has potential judging from what it seems to me an intricately wooven plot. And finally, please, don't give up on this story...especially not know that I have changed my mind about doomed love affairs!

Reviewer: Marauderette_4_lyf
Date: 03/25/09 20:46
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

I like the prologue, it's a twist in the usual peaceful and all was well after the war setting - not that there is anything wrong with the others. I would like to see where this story goes. Great job!! kudos! =]=]

Reviewer: Kantaka
Date: 03/24/09 20:52
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

First of all... I eat my words of dislike for ALL Next-Gen fics when I read stories like this.

Your writing style is quite impressing. I certainly like it.

I'm troubled about the whole Romeo&Juliet set up of the story... For the childish reason I don't liek it when characters die!! I suppose I'm going to have to be a 'witch' enough to deal with it! Your writing surely seems like worth taking it.

I liked the descriptions you made of Scorpious and Rose. And the general idea that after Voldy Grys and Slyths just got even worse. Given that Slytherin was 'the house that run', I wouldn't put it past Gryffindors to rub it in anytime they had the chance...

I found the idea that McGonagall failed to keep them from fighting that violently a bit extreme. But it does seem possible deep down. She is getting old... The parents surely encourage it... And it's mandatory for a Shakespearean tragedy to overlook certain aspecs, I guess.

I also found interesting the fact that you decided to make Rose and Scorpious start off as foes. Tricky choice!!

I am anxious to read more about this starcrossed lovers soon. How do they overcome their initial loathing especially!! And what happens once they do...

What role does a Mr. Albus Potter play to this story... And so on!!!

I really hope you update soon!!

Again, I tip my hat for your spotless narrative style. I'm sure dear ol' Willy is proud he inspired you!!

Cheers,

- K

Author's Response: Yay! A Next-Gen convert! :D -blushes- Thank you for all your wonderful comments . . . particularly about my writing style. ;) I had an internal battle with myself about McGonagall keeping the students in line, too, but I figured that if there were enough students causing enough problems frequently, that it would escalate to such a scale that she would be unable to manage it. -giggles- I hope dear ol' Willy is proud . . . I can only hope that I can do his masterpiece justice. Thanks again for your lovely review! xox Mere

Reviewer: mzap
Date: 03/24/09 19:03
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

Very well written prologue. I found it interesting the fact that after the War, the houses were pulled further apart. I've been wanting to read a Rose/Scorpius fic for some time and I'm happy that I found yours. I'm excited to see where this will go. Great job.

Author's Response: Thank you! Well, I thought that they'd be farther apart because the Gryffs would forever have this 'I'm-Better-Than-You' mentality, and the Slyths would be bitter and angry and annoyed at the Gryffs. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! xox Mere

Reviewer: witherwings16
Date: 03/24/09 17:15
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

Nice first chapter :) It was very well written...I'm looking forward to seeing where this story is going. update soon please!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'll try my best to update as soon as possible. :D xox Mere

Reviewer: RedChequeredConverse
Date: 03/24/09 15:03
Chapter: Prologue: Divided

This is really good. I was cursing you because you took a plot bunny I really wanted, but the result is better then I ever could've managed.

Rock on, and update soon!

Author's Response: Aw, I'm sorry I took the bunny you wanted. :o Thanks for taking a chance on it, though, and I'm really glad that you like it. I hope that I can continue to do it the justice it deserves. :) -jams- I'll try my best to get the next chapter up soon. xox Mere

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