This was amazing! One possible typo I found:
When Harry is talking to Teddy in the forest...."I know how easy it would be to become obsessed with the stone." I don't know exactly the tense you are speaking in, but judging on the rest of the sentence I would guess it should be 'knew' instead of 'know'. Once again, this was great and I am so glad to hear another Teddy story....I feel so bad for him D:
Cute story :)
I loved the story.
It made me cry so much!
Your an amazing writer!
awweee! that was soo sweet! i loved it!
awweee! that was soo sweet! i loved it!
I almost cried it was so good . :o :)
Very sweet. I think it is realistic Harry would use the stone so Teddy could see his parents. Harry was the only person who understood what Teddy has gone through his entire life. Harry was always stronger when he got those brief glimpses of his parents and it helped him understand things better after. He needed to hear them say they were proud and that they loved him instead of having other people tell him.
I think you did a spectacular job of portraying Teddy's emotions and the dialogue with Remus and Tonks was spot on. They sounded parent like but still the characters we loved from the books. Great job!
its a hit...luvv it
Well, first off this wasn't canon. Harry would never have gone to find the Stone because it's too much of a temptation. He promised Dumbledore he wouldn't and I don't believe he would have.
On the other hand, you wrote this beautifully and actually made me cry. The ability to draw emotions from readers is infinitely more impressive then sticking to canon. This was touching, and you are certainly a good writer.
That was amazing! Keep writing; you're very good at it!
Hello again (again)!
What an odd way to write a trilogy. Lol!
Ah…my heart! I feel all sad and warm and gushy and mellow right now. Although you started the trilogy with this, it was a satisfying end to the story cycle. Again, you had me guessing. I thought Harry would give him something like a letter until they reached the forest.
That was just so selfless of Harry. The incidents of The Forest Again was a very personal experience for Harry…which is probably why he understood Teddy needed it, too. The boy needed the strength, didn’t he? And who can be the better source than those whom he loved the most?
Really, Hannah, this was wonderful to read. My only nitpick would be that Victoire was born in May (and named in honour of the victory over Voldy).
I liked this! I think that it was an interesting idea to go back to the stone and use it to provide closer for Teddy.
A a couple little typos!
"adapted its colour to suit what ever hair or eye colour" Whatever should be one word.
"At around quarter to three they made there way back to the castle." You mean "their way," not "there way."
"Some time after the battle I came back here and I found it on the floor of the forest." I'm pretty sure sometime is also one word. I read the fic in Microsoft word and whenever there are the squiggly lines under a word I check and make sure it's not a false alarm, as word is wont to have.
"Harry paused here, and a wistful look crossed his face. After a moment, he seemed to shake himself out of his daydream and instantly became serious again."
I can imagine this look on an older Harry and the thought is quite beautiful. It's a simple image, really, but I think it's a very well written sentence.
"They stood back, looking a little shy at the thought of meeting their son."
Aww. That's very touching. I like how you have both parties slightly worried that the other might not like them.
"his mother’s bubblegum pink hair"
It was her favorite color of hair, wasn't it? At least, I think the books said that somewhere. I had an argument with a friend over this a couple months ago and I checked the Harry Potter Wiki, which said she was right (that it was Tonks' favorite hair color), but we could never find it in the books. Any idea where it might have mentioned that? I know, I know. I should be talking about your fic, not sharing anecdotes.
"'There were others – you didn’t have to be there.' Teddy couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice. Pleased as he was to see them he needed to know why they had left him. 'f you’d have st-'"
That's also quite touching. I've never had the chance to meet my parents who died when I was young in a war (Because obviously that didn't happen to my parents and the Deathly Hallows don't exist.), but I imagine that would be a very realistic reaction. You sort of have to know /why/.
"That night I chose to follow my husband and perhaps it was the wrong decision but I could never have lived with myself if he died – knowing I did nothing to help him."
You're making me tear up, especially right there.
"'You’ll always be part of me, mum,' he said and after a moment his hair changed from its usual respectable black to the same bubblegum pink as his mother’s."
Awwwww! I'm sorry I'm so incoherent, but that's literally all I can manage. It's so sweet. I also like how it's a nice characterization of Teddy. He's not quite so flamboyant (That's not the right word, but I think you know what I 'm getting at.) as his mother so he wears a "respectable" black--perhaps like Harry? I don't know. But I like how you're characterizing Teddy.
So all in all I really enjoyed the fic. I think it's a very Harry thing to do. While I guess this wasn't really centered on it, when it comes to Teddy I'm most interested in his relationship with Harry. How exactly does Teddy fit into the Potter family?
In terms of criticism and how you can improve, there's not much I have to say. Obviously let's cross our fingers and hope typos don't slip through next time (They always do, no matter how awesome a beta we have, it seems.). That really wasn't a huge problem, as they were minor things. Something I think you might be able to work on is dialogue. In general it was pretty good, but some lines just felt a bit stilted to me.
aww that was so cute! i love lupin and tonks!
this is brilliant. im crying! remus and dora were portrayed brilliantly, along with teddy. great job!
Awww! This was such a tear-jerker. I just wanted to hug Teddy after the stone's connections were broken, and the way you described the character interactions were so poignant and riveting, it made my heart hurt.
I'm so happy I read this, it made my day!
What a lovely story!
I like this story!!!! I know victorie is mentioned in the 7th book but I'm yet still confused as to who she is... And why is she refered to as "our victorie"??? She's part of the family??? Who's kid???
That was quite a tear jerker but very well done. Leave it to Harry to do the right and thoughtful thing. This was wonderful and I'll leave it at that.
such a lovley story. It was really great. So sweet. I love that Harr understands him so well.