Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 09/30/14 16:38
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

I don't think there are many stories written about Wormtail. I haven't seen many. Maybe that's because he's such a despised character. I can see how Peter was bullied, even by his friends, and felt inferior. He seemed to have trouble standing up for himself. They never did get the Map back from Filch did they? I liked your little snippets in between the chapter sections. It makes it sound like Peter was retaliating.

Reviewer: OtterMoone
Date: 07/22/11 14:44
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

I was about to say, scratch that about the eyes. I swear, my memory fails me more and more each day, so now, when I say something, I have to put a warning that I might be wrong :P Anyways, good job :) And I hope you aren't offended! I didn't mean to be offensive.

Author's Response: No no noooo, not at all offended. I only know James' eye colour because it's the same as my own - ha ha. ~Carole~

Reviewer: OtterMoone
Date: 07/22/11 14:07
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Well, this certainly gives a new view on both Sirius and Peter. What a jerk (Sirius) ! Btw, another nitpick: Aren't James' eyes blue? I thought that in Order of the Phoenix, when Harry is in the pensieve looking at Snape's memory, it says that James looked like Harry, except with blue eyes? Again, I could be wrong.

Author's Response: No, James eyes are definitely hazel. Harry looks right at him in SWM and points out the differences - namely hazel eyes. Sirius was a bit of a prat in this, but I also think Peter was getting paranoid. I tried to imply that as they started their transformations they became more like their animagus. Sor Sirius was more doglike, Peter felt more worthless and James became more authoritative. Thank you ..... :-) ~Carole~

Reviewer: Midnight Storm
Date: 01/31/11 2:44
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Hi, Equinox Chick

Trying not to sound like some ridiculous fangirl, but ...

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG that was AMAZING!!

Everybody was perfectly IC - especially Sirius. You did a great job with your husband (yeah, I read your bio).

Ah, Peter. We all hate him, don't we? But this fic was ... wow! I even felt slightly sorry for him a couple of times! My favourite scene was when Sirius discovered that Peter'd lost the MM; I'd always pictured it was James who lost it (for some reason), but Peter losing it fitted much better.

Y'know those 'I severed my hand', 'I put my wand behind my back', 'I ran into the sewer' thingos? They were a really clever thing to put in, and they were kind of creepy, too. Except that when I read the first one I was like 'huh? what just happened?' because I am like Goyle in the brains department. But I totally got it once I reached the second one :P

Great job!
~Midnight Storm

Author's Response: Aww, thank you! This is probably one of my favourite fics that I've written because I really wanted to write a Peter centric story, and I experimented with First Person and present tense - so I'm pleased you liked the story. I don't know why I thought Peter had lost the map, but i thought it would have to be him or Sirius, cause I have a feeling Remus would have told Harry if James or he had lost it. (Unsure why, but there you go)

Thank you very much again for the review. ~Carole~

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 10/20/09 11:35
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Nice job! I really liked your other Peter story so when you mentioned this in your Dueling Thread I thought I'd read it too. I love what you do with Peter. You captured his voice very well. You made him way more than the snivelling character we meet later on. I liked his relationship with him mom, and I LOVED reading his transformation for the first time. Great reactions - his friends didn't bat an eye but he was disappointed. Perfect.
I liked the subtle switch to the nicknames after they could all transform. Nice touch.
Meeting Regulus was also a great touch - have you written anything else with him?
And have you written anything about how the Maruaders found out about Remus? Because I would read that in a second! :)
More than anything, though, this story leaves me wanting more, sort of like your other one. The ending does seem a bit abrupt - was losing the map the beginning of the end? It wasn't clear why it ended with that scene, which was part of the reason I wanted to keep reading. I really want to know what happens in between this story and the challenge entry you wrote!
You are very talented and I really enjoy reading your stories.
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, Gina. Peter is a bit of a WIP for me, which is probably why it ended a bit abruptly. I was thinking that him losing the map wasn't just where it began to fall apart, but also started showing the differences between James and Sirius, because James is clearly more mature at this stage and less likely to blame Peter.

Oh stop giving me plot bunnies, Remus year two ... eek ... *shoves to back of mind*. Regulus, hmmm, actually I haven't thought of much about him - not sure why. Thanks again. ~Carole~

Reviewer: Vindictus Viridian
Date: 04/30/09 13:45
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

A definitely-different Marauder Era, and that's saying something. Poor Peter does get neglected. I'm glad to see the ratty prompt sparked something!

Author's Response: As you must have seen a monumental amount of MWPP fics, I'm extremely pleased you found this different. It was certainly interesting to write from his perspective as I always have difficulty seeing his as anything other than the traitorous rat. Thanks for the review. Carole xxx

Reviewer: helz_belz
Date: 04/18/09 21:45
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Oh wow, what an interesting look into Peter's psychology. I love the way you interweaved the later scene in though the train rides. After all, Peter wasn't born a traitor, he became one.

This sort piece really got me thinking. Was Peter entirely to blame or was he just a reaction to his circumstances? I loved the way you developed his character- unsure of who he was. Interesting his relationship with his mother. It shows him human, a trait which so many fanfiction authors don't give him. I loved the way you had Peter lose the map and his friends reactions - Sirius' anger and James' cool but frightening control.

Awesome story. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I have to say I was pleased with the way this turnd out in the end. Interesting that you see James' control as 'frightening'. I just figured that James, by this time, was a more balanced and calm whereas Sirius I always see as someone who is totally governed by his moods. That's set off a very interesting train of thought though... Thank you. Carole xxx

Reviewer: inspirations
Date: 04/18/09 6:25
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Oh, Carole. This was so wonderfully emotive, though very subtly done. Usually I don’t read marauder-era, but I couldn’t resist seeing what you’d done with this prompt, and I’m so pleased this is the story I chose.

At first, I couldn’t really see the relevance of the summary of the event leading to Sirius being locked in Azkaban that was woven throughout the story, but by the end, I realised that they are almost the point of the story. As I read I started to see how Sirius picked on Peter for little things, while James and Remus were kind, and didn’t. And then, the last italicised phrase finalised that idea, and it was as if Sirius had led Peter on to get to that point; it was a great endnote too, by the way.

I liked how you wrote this in the present tense. You used simple phrases, it was from Peter’s pov, and I felt as if that gave me even more of a feel for the character that you’d fleshed him out as. I liked how the Marauders treated him as an equal, and Peter felt perfectly at ease with them. So many fics just cast him to one side, but you’ve shown he is on the same level, which he obviously was. Why else would he be trusted as Secret Keeper? An animagus? A part of the Marauder’s Map? In fact, he’s possibly just as central to the group in this as Remus. I did notice he said very little in comparison with the rest of them though, which I found very in keeping with what JK showed us of his character.

Now, one person that really struck me was Regulus. I liked how Sirius wanted him in their compartment, and wanted him to be a Gryffindor. Maybe his motivations were against the Black family, but I got a feeling that he actually wanted Regulus in his house. But the scene shows how Sirius goes a little too far sometimes, he pushed his brother just a tad too much. I’m curious to know where Regulus went after he left the Marauder’s carriage. Do you think he went to sit on his own, or maybe with some Death Eater wannabes? Hm.

“A hawk, I should think.” Sirius snorts. “Something with good eyesight so he can get rid of those ridiculous glasses.”

I laugh. “Or a cheetah.” Sirius looks puzzled so I explain, “he could finally catch up with Lily, then.”


I love that part because it shows us that Peter is a Marauder, and accepted as such. Very simple dialogue, but it said a lot to me.

Now, Remus. You never have Peter tell us how they find out about Remus being a werewolf. One year he considers that his dad might be beating him, the next he knows, and I liked that you didn’t tell us they’d found out. This is because it seems so much more out of Peter’s head that way. He knows what’s happening. Why would he explain that to himself when he thinks about it? That way, I felt more as if I were there... If you know what I mean. :P

Lastly, I liked how selfless Peter is, concerning his mother especially. That he stayed behind with his mother in the holidays says that he cares about her a lot, and she seems to care for him too. That was a nice touch, as in the books it says she was devastated and all that about his ‘death’. You can’t help but wonder how it hurt him to know she thought he was dead...

Now, a few nit-picks:

The boy sitting [...] looks up at me. He’s quite pale and looks tired but he looks friendly. - there’s a lot of ‘looks’ repetition there. XD

“I’m Petey... err, Peter,” I reply. Remus holds out his hand, and I notice a scar across the back of his hand [...] - Aww, so sweet. But ‘hand’ repetition.

[...] the best cakes in the world,” she beams at me, “and I need [...] - I could be wrong, but shouldn’t the words outside of the quotations be in a different sentence? Not sure, but it looks a bit odd.

Mum’s really got to you hasn’t she. - that should be a question, really, I reckon.

I look at James expecting a retort [...] - I think you need commas around ‘expecting a retort’.

no five. - a comma after ‘no’ I think.

Anyway, really good work. Just in case you didn’t figure that I like this. Lol.

xx

Author's Response: Awww, thanks, Spire. I'm pleased you liked the story. I actually struggle somewhat with Pettigrew so this was a way of me getting into his head. I'm kinda following a theory I have that the Marauders became more like the animals they were as Animagi, the more they became them (Does that make sense?). Regulus - I reckon he found a carriage with other first years - maybe Barty Crouch (if he's the same year).

Thank you for the nit picks. I totally agree about the repetition bits, I think I'll go back and look at them when I have time. You're the second person to mention that 'she beams at me' bit. This has been beta'd by the way (LOL) but I thought that as it was splitting Peter's speech that it should be lower case and in commas. It's not a dialogue tag but is part of the sentence. Perhaps, I'll reword that as well. Other nit picks - yes, you're right and I shall alter.

Anyhoo, thank ye so much for the review, especially as you're not really a Marauder fan. I'm actually fond of this story because it was bl**dy hard getting into Peter's head and remain sympathetic to the evil rat!

Carole xxx

Reviewer: coolh5000
Date: 04/11/09 17:47
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Hi, Carole and Happy Easter! I'm sorry your egg is a little late - now that I've finally got around to this hopefully it'll be worth it (though I'm no SPEWer)

Firstly, good on you for taking a character that so many like to pretend only existed to betray Lily and James and giving him a character of his own. I felt you had really thought about Peter and his place in the Marauders as well as his life at home and his relationship with his mother. As a character study, this is really excellent. I could feel how even though Peter was one of the Marauders, his self-esteem was still low and gradually being eroded by the little things he picked up on, such as Sirius muttering under his breath or Peter realising the reasoning behind his nickname. You showed how he allowed himself to be bullied and controlled by a relative from a young age and how, to an extent, this continued at Hogwarts, culminating in the anger he feels in his seventh year when he thinks, Why can’t I use the Map? I think. I helped create it. I think this perfectly shows his feelings of never quite living up to rest of the Marauders.

The other Marauders were presented well also, and it was interesting that to me it seemed that most of the time it was Sirius who cause Peter the most problems, while James remained relatively calm and friendly.

I think my favourite segment in this would be the one where Peter finally managed to transform - you showed the support his friends gave him, as well as his nerves and even though they all cheer when he achieves it, he cannot help but question himself and the animal he has turned into. This showed he is constantly doubting his true status as a Marauder, even when his friends are being kind to him.

Technically I think I only have one nitpick and that is with the dialogue punctuation here: “That’s good, because my mum bakes the best cakes in the world,” she beams at me, “and I need someone to share this with.” As she beams at me is not a dialogue tag I feel that it should be capitalised. The only other part which seems slightly out of place is We creep in, and then Sirius leaps on him rather like a dog would. I'm not completely sure I can imagine twelve-year-old boys being comfortable enough to start leaping on each other and it seems a little early for Sirius to already be showing dog-like characteristics.

Overall, as always, this is really well-written, well thought out and was a good read.

Hannah

Author's Response: OOOH, thank you for such a lovely Easter Egg (It's almost as good as the Galaxy egg I have waiting for me!). I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I still find it hard to write sympathetically about Peter - but I have to sometimes.

I'm not too sure about the punctuation nit-pick. I know it's not a dialogue tag, but I thought it was supposed to be in commas as splitting up a sentence *confused*. You're right about Sirius, though. I wasn't totally sure at the time about the 'leaping on like a dog' and I'm going to replace or remove that bit. It's too heavy-handed on the irony. But I do think twelve-year-old boys jump around on each other in a rough-and-tumble way.

Thank you for the review and the excedllent concrit. Carole xxx

Reviewer: Nitwit Blubber Oddment Tweak x
Date: 04/06/09 19:28
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Until recently I'd never thought of Peter as anything more than a traitor but this certainly made me rethink my opinion of him; I sympathised with Peter and more importantly I guess, I actually quite liked him. Well done :D

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I do struggle with Peter which was one of the reasons I wrote this. There does have to be something more about him that robe-wetting rat, or Sirius and James would not have trusted him so implicitly. I'm pleased you're re-thinking your opinion of him - mind you he's still a traitor ;(. Carole xxx

Reviewer: grimlysirius
Date: 04/02/09 2:28
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Good characterization of Peter! I like how you explored what led from him being such a shy person, to killing all of those people, and framing Sirius. I also liked that you included major moments for the Marauders during their time at Hogwarts. A job well done!

--Lauren

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm fascinated by Peter because he turned traitor, but for a long while I couldn't see beyong the 'traitorous rat'. I have to keep reminding myself that he was a fully fledged Marauder and was trusted implicitly.

Thanks again. Carole xxx

Reviewer: dandy_like_a_lion
Date: 04/01/09 21:08
Chapter: Wormtail on the Hogwarts Express

Captuered Peter perfectly. Very good.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm glad you thought I'd captured Peter. I'm trying to explore why he turned traitor... I guess until JK Rowling writes his story, we won't know. Carole xxx

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Argus Filch by BrokenPromise 1st-2nd Years
Written for the Anniversary Challenge v3 over on the boards - a double dactyl...
The Prisoner by weasley-malfoy-aficionado 3rd-5th Years
A prisoner of Azkaban reflects on what is and what could have been. Little...
Harry Potter and the Sinister Plot by weasley-malfoy-aficionado 3rd-5th Years
Patrolling the streets of Hogsmeade one snowy day Ron encounters an unexpected...
FEATURED
Come Home by WrenWinterSong 1st-2nd Years
Three year old Teddy Lupin ponders the photographs on the living room side table.
But You Haven't Lost Me Yet by Dawnie 6th-7th Years
The war with Voldemort comes and goes, and James and Lily find themselves struggling...
broken brights by Padfoot11333 1st-2nd Years
Harry's breath catches when he thinks of Ginny. I am not JK Rowling and...
CATEGORIES