Reviewer: GinervaPotter213
Date: 07/21/09 12:52
Chapter: Chapter One (and only, but that's a different issue)

BB - I just saw the banner for this in your signature. It was hilarious! I liked the drabble you posted and I'm glad that the drabble prompt helped inspire you :]
Peace.
-Ayra

Reviewer: Fantasium
Date: 07/18/09 8:27
Chapter: Chapter One (and only, but that's a different issue)

Hello there, SPEW buddy! How about a review?

I don’t venture into the Humour category very often, so I’m not aware of any particular codes of writing that might apply to the genre. There are some things I would like to discuss, and I will approach them in the same manner I would with any story.

The first thing I noticed when I began to read your one-shot was a couple of errors in the chapter note. To me, as both a writer and a reader, it’s important that the whole story is flawless, including summary, story and chapter notes. We rarely run these short texts past a beta, so therefore it’s extra important to give them a good read-through yourself before posting.

I see that you’ve chosen to tell your story from a first person perspective, and I’m curious about why. Typically, an author would use first person to present circumstances from a certain viewpoint, thus filtering the events through someone’s private opinions in a way that shapes both the story and the character in question. In this fic, I don’t connect with the storyteller at all. Is he or she merely a disembodied narrator? Another worker under Mrs Zabini’s command? A Ministry official? You express some opinions of this voice, but not enough to build a character on.

I’m not entirely convinced by your characterisation of Mrs Zabini. Yes, I do realise that this is a humour fic and therefore people may appear out of character without outright justification. Canon doesn’t give us a lot to go to when it comes to this particular person, but I always thought there was something mysterious about her, that she would appear quiet and very intimidating, looking like someone who might just have killed her seven husbands. Also, people tend to resemble their parents somewhat, and I have a hard time seeing your version of Mrs Zabini as the mother of canon Blaise. A name from the books is usually helpful for keeping your story connected with HP verse, but in this case I think you would have been better off with using an OC or a canon character known for theatrics and temper tantrums. In my opinion, writing a person out of character should always be done with great care and purpose.

You make a couple of references to Muggle culture in this story – the Twilight Saga and the Razzie Awards – both of which come across as somewhat strange. Why would Mrs Zabini, a pure-blood witch, know of Muggle literature? And when the narrator mentions the Raspberry Award, I’m even more confused about who the person actually is – Muggle or Wizard? Again, I understand that maybe the humorous genre typically makes allowances for things like this, but I found it much funnier and cleverer when you used the Celestina Warbeck reference.

For me, the best part of this story is the absolute confusion you manage to create. There isn’t a lot of description to go by, but I still get a good mental image of the general panic and the characters’ emotions. Your writing is very quickly paced and the paragraphs seem to be all over the place, creating a convincing and amusing chaos.

For future humour stories, I would suggest that you use the same rapid and chaotic writing style, only anchored with a more elaborate plot and realistic characterisation. This was written with a great enthusiasm that I hope I will always come across in your fics. Thanks for sharing your story!

Reviewer: majestic_ginny
Date: 06/30/09 0:40
Chapter: Chapter One (and only, but that's a different issue)

Haha! LOL. This made me laugh, BB!Awesome story, man, good job.--Nadia

Reviewer: witch6
Date: 05/31/09 1:20
Chapter: Chapter One (and only, but that's a different issue)

Hey!

Have you noticed that humour is one the categories with the least amount of stories? I guess it is because people find it difficult to write humour- especially funny humour. Well, at least i do. Anyway, when it comes to your story, humour-wise it is good. You do make some really funny jokes. In fact, your style even reminds me of Pratchett. But when it comes to the plot, I don’t think I can say the same. Nothing really happens. I am not sure if that was intention with this story, but I didn’t see that from your summary at least. Reading your summary, I was expecting a story with a lot taking place. But sadly, all that really happened was what was already mentioned in the summary. Your story starts well. Your description of Zabini is quite funny. And the scene with the Minister definitely left the reader wanting more of it. The conversation with the men kind of drags after a point without much actually happening. Then they tell her about the sporks- and that is it! Honestly, I was disappointed when I realised that the story had ended. In fact I was even hoping that I was mistaken about this being a one-shot and there was another chapter to come. I really liked the way your story was going. It was interesting and kept the reader waiting for more, but I am not sure if you fulfil the expectations of the reader, which he had because of the way the story started. I really think you could have done much more with the plot. In your summary, you said that Zabini had organised many successful parties before fateful Ministry dinner happened. Maybe we could have more of her reaction. You could show how she tries to set everything right. She could try and behave like everything is normal, and may be she could even encourage the guests about using sporks, so that she doesn’t look bad. But the guests aren’t convinced. Or she could be utterly nervous about the whole sporks idea, ready to kill that man who made them (she might have already killed if you go by her past behaviour), but they are actually a hit! I am sure you can come up with better ideas than these and still write them hilariously.

Although I haven’t read any other stories of yours, I think your strong point is that you don’t need a plot that itself is crazy to write a humour story. You writing style is funny, so I believe you can write any story humorously- even one involving Dumbledore’s death. Therefore, I think you can be a successful humour author if you concentrated slightly more on your plot.

I didn’t mention it before, as I got too busy trying to explain what more could be done with the plot, but I really liked the way that man kept saying ‘ma’am’. I think this character was appropriate for the story, hilarious and that you have written him really well.

Well, I just have to mention this one- Do I dazzle you? When I read that, all I could think of was that you love bashing twilight more than you hate the book. But that still made me laugh! :)

Still hoping that there is another chapter to come,
Kriti.

Reviewer: armagod679
Date: 04/27/09 15:15
Chapter: Chapter One (and only, but that's a different issue)

I fail to see a point, but it is very funny!

Reviewer: Insufferable know-it-all
Date: 04/26/09 13:41
Chapter: Chapter One (and only, but that's a different issue)

I looooooved it, I don't think I've ever laughed sooo much!!!!!
One thing that made me laugh, though sardonically I admit, was that after all these years you still think Blaise is a girl! Hahahahaha- sorry about that, must control myself... Did you even read HBP? I will say no more than chapter 7...

No, but seriously this is hilarious, I'm favoriting just to be able to read it again on days when I feel blue !!!

Author's Response: Wow, I'm glad you liked it, but I DO know that Zabini is male... This is supposed to be his mum. Which is why she strokes Kingsley's hand and things, to keep in with her personality of maniser (like womaniser... but only for men).

Thanks for the favouriting, and thanks for the review! I'm really glad you found it that funny. :D

Reviewer: Saif
Date: 04/26/09 13:15
Chapter: Chapter One (and only, but that's a different issue)

Wow! Every second of reading this was pure pleasure! Your writing style is incredible!

Author's Response: Every second reading? I didn't even think people would bother to read it through once... Thanks so much! No one's described my writing style as incredible before... Thanks for the review and thanks for the praise!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
on this side of heaven by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ariana Dumbledore is struck by a stray curse, and she suddenly finds herself...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
Drunk on Him by armagod679 Professors
For me, he was an obsession, a burning obsession, one that I could never let...
A Broken Hallelujah by epiphany212 Professors
You have always loved the chase. The pursuit of Quaffles and dragons have carried...
In the Hufflepuff Way by 1000timesingoldenink 3rd-5th Years
Did anybody really appreciate Hannah's mum?Because Mrs. Abbott was a heroine...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1 by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Welcome back to another rousing round of rambunctious rock!However, a new act...
CATEGORIES