Awww...I LOVE Charlie--he's by far my favorite character, and this story was soo stinking sweet...I loved it! Really, really great! :D
Oh, Anna, this was beautiful.
Towards the beginning, you described what everybody was doing, and I think that was a really effective way of leading us to Charlie, etc. Also, it showed how the afternoon had ranged from up-tempo and then travelled to peaceful, which was reflected in the time of day nicely.
But no matter how thoroughly he had prodded her heart with his strange sense, he couldn’t catch any trace of aversion.
I was curious about Lucas’ character, as it was interesting to see how he fit in with the Weasleys, and what he himself was like. His sensing emotions – that’s a unique touch, which you wrote in well. It seemed very natural, which made Lucas himself seem all the more real. I like the quoted line because it hints at his ability but it doesn’t outright say it. I, as the reader, acknowledged that there was something more to him, and I got the gist of what it was from the little bits like that sprinkled throughout. But not having a concrete explanation within the narrative made me anticipate what Lucas says to Charlie even more, which kept my interest well.
With Maximilian gone to France again
I haven’t read your other stories with Lucas in, but I did pick up on what I’m assuming were references to OCs from them. I liked that, because you slipped them in and showed that Lucas is an OC with his own friends and family, too, but as well as that I love how the references were there, but they didn’t make it any harder for me to follow. Slightly curious, maybe... but having them there added that touch more originality, made the conversation, well, conversational, and it didn’t distract me from the story itself.
“It’s not that difficult.” He tried to sound casual. “Not if you pay attention.”
I love this part about Fred and George. Firstly, great plot device to lead in to Charlie’s questions, but also it’s the acknowledgement that although Fred and George look the same, they are different people. I don’t think people think about them like that a lot.
“Oh, I’m just glad to know that you’re not some all-powerful mind-reader, that’s all.”
“Again – why?”
And I love how Lucas’ ability leads in to the two of them confronting how they feel about each other. Their confession, for want of a better word, was beautifully written. There’s that kind of awkwardness about the whole situation as neither of them is really sure, as such, which leads in to such happiness for the both of them. It was great, because as the reader I could see they both felt the same way, so I’m just waiting for them to realise it – and then they do! Very well done.
Finally, the touch of humour was a nice way to end this story. The conversation before that was quite serious and sad because they only just found each other, but the last line injects something a little happier, if you know what I mean. Good story, dear xx
Oh Anna, I really don’t know how to begin. I’m just so in love with this story and your writing that it’s difficult to pick a thing to start with. Just so you know, though, I adored this story.
You are so good at incorporating imagery and other senses into your writing. As I was reading along, I could really get the sense of exactly how everything felt or seemed because you did such a good job describing them. For example: It was a warm smell, like sunlight on pine trees, and he savoured it. Those lines just made me feel as though I was there in the story with Charlie and Lucas. The “sunlight on pine trees” description just opens up so many senses. Of course, you have the olfactory, as it’s supposed to be describing a smell, but then it’s also visual. I could really see the sun hitting the pine trees and I could envision the rest of the scene that went with it. And that, of course, just adds so much depth to the story because the reader can associate so many things and can almost see multiple levels of images all through one description.
The opening of the story was also so well crafted. First off, the description was done brilliantly again. I could almost feel that “glow” while sitting here in my rather chilly room. However, what I really liked was the structure of the beginning. Everyone gets paired off with a significant other until Charlie and Lucas are left. It’s a nice bit of foreshadowing that really makes the reader believe that they should end up together, even if only to complete the symmetry of the situation.
Although this isn’t a particularly dialogue-heavy piece, I also adored the way you used dialogue in this. It all sounded so real. A lot of authors (myself included) fall into the trap of having their characters continually speak in proper grammar and with a much better vocabulary than they should have. I really liked how, then, you managed to keep everything grammatically correct and yet still have the characters sound like they were saying things that people might actually say in real life. These lines were just a beautiful example of this:
Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I’ll give it to you. A little bothersome.”
“Oh, I’m just glad to know that you’re not some all-powerful mind-reader, that’s all.”
“Again – why?” Lucas inquired, not understanding why that might have disturbed Charlie so.
Just, wow. These sounded like perfectly normal people speaking in real life. That’s so hard to capture in writing, so huge kudos to you. I’m just continually in awe of this.
Anyway, Anna, this story was absolutely amazing. It was so emotionally engaging because of your amazing writing skills. I could really feel what the characters were experiencing and I love it when a piece of writing can affect me like that.
Hi there :)
I was surprised how much I enjoyed reading this fic, purely because Charlie has never been a character that attracts my interest. I found that I really liked reading about him in the way you have written him. He’s strong and tough, but when it comes to love he’s gentle and kind. We never learnt much about his character in the books (or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention), yet I think you have written him as very in character.
My favourite part of this fic that demonstrated your ability to craft Charlie as accurately as possible was this: “Try me.” Charlie grinned reassuringly and thumped a fist against his chest. “Dragon keeper, remember?” It’s such a memorable and sweet line that shows evidence of the Weasley humour and warmness. Something about it just made me smile.
It’s the simple moments like this that really showed your attention to detail, which was comforting for me as a reader and allowed me to be brought right into the fic. Your descriptions of moments are also simple, but they convey detail just as effectively as richer prose could.
An example of the way your writing drew me into the fic was this: It rested there in solitude for only the briefest moment, before both of Charlie’s hands closed around it. They were rough, calloused still, with scars of old burns and blisters, yet they felt better against his skin than anything Lucas had ever experienced before. It’s a really beautiful exploration of a short moment between two people, and conveys a real warmth between them. I think you capture the romance perfectly here, and you don’t over-do anything or make it hard to find believable.
Your original character Lucas is someone I found that I liked quite a lot. He’s sweet and very sure of himself. He trusts himself enough to let Charlie in and recognise his feelings for him. His certainty was very refreshing to read. Despite the fast pace at which the romance blossomed, I didn’t once think “this is unrealistic; it’s happening too quickly.” You developed it surprisingly well, given the short time frame it happens in.
I did find that Lucas seemed slightly underdeveloped as I read this, but considering this is only a one shot, it wasn’t too much of a problem. His “ability” was an interesting addition to the fic, but something I unfortunately couldn’t find all that believable. I’m not sure if you were saying it’s a magical ability or if he’s just really intuitive. Either way, I couldn’t quite connect with this part of the story. I did find it an interesting touch though, and would love to see it further developed in future writings, if you haven’t already.
Overall, I found this to be a very enjoyable and sweet one shot that developed a relationship between two people in a very sophisticated way. You didn’t make the fact that they were two men an issue, which I loved – they’re just two people who love each other and that’s all that matters.
Thank you for the great read :)
Thank you for this story, I really liked it. It's too bad it's that short, I would be delighted if there was more... You wrote it well, and nicely express the feelings. Thanks again !
so sweet. this is my favorite fic.