Reviewer: Janett
Date: 07/28/11 14:48
Chapter: One-Shot

tht was really sad but very well written. i cud see i happening in y mind. maybe she and dean will get together :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! Thanks for the review! ~MJ

Reviewer: C_Quibbler
Date: 08/18/10 21:13
Chapter: One-Shot

Really very cute,love
Favorited for sure

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. ~MJ

Reviewer: inspirations
Date: 07/22/09 9:34
Chapter: One-Shot

I’ve wanted to read this fic for ages, ever since I saw your gorgeous banner. I love Lavender/Ron, so it’s lovely to find stories about them. There aren’t many. One day, maybe I’ll even write my own. Hm. But your story, now...

You set the scene in the beginning well, taking the reader through what’s going on in Lavender’s life now, beyond Ron. I don’t know whether it is canon or not that Lavender and Parvati go back to school after the war, but I like that they’re there. It shows that Lavender cares for school – in HBP she comes across as being more interested in social stuff, to me, at least.

The first few paragraphs did seem a little repetitive though. Maybe mix the way the sentences start around a bit, or have a wider variety of sentence lengths... that might help.

You characterised Lavender well. You show that she’s probably usually a lot more friendly and laid-back, by the way you have Parvati react to her grouchiness when she comes down for breakfast, but you also show how she cares for Ron, and how that leads to a bit of... narrow-mindedness, I guess. The letters tell us a lot about her; I like how she tries to be nice, but mean thoughts slip through, and then eventually she just writes exactly what she’s thinking to make herself feel better. The strikethroughs made me smile, despite the sadness they symbolise. They show how she tries to be rational, tries to suppress her true feelings as they fight to get through.

The letter was very bittersweet, mixed with her tears, her emotions. It really sucked me in, got me into Lavender’s frame of mind. I like how the letter starts with Won-won, and eventually reaches Lav-lav. I think that shows the depths of Lavender, how much she truly loves Ron. We can see she still has the memories. It was sad, but beautifully put across.

“I heard Hermione muttering about her date tonight with . . .” she sniffed. “Ron.” - I feel ‘she sniffed’ breaks the sentence up a bit, and interrupts the flow. Maybe put it to the end of the sentence, or capitalise ‘she’...

there was no way she was going to talk to the boy-who-broke-her-heart. - I think that last word would be better as five words; how it is now caught me a bit, and it made me stop.

Just because you think you’re ‘in love’ with ex-buck tooth, doesn’t mean that you do. - clarifying what you mean by ‘do’ would be good. I stumbled a bit there.

and about our years in Hogwarts - did you miss a word somewhere there? ‘talk about’ maybe? :/

“Goodbye, Ron,” she whispered into the night - I thought this was set during the day? I think the ending would be more powerful as just ‘goodbye, Ron’, though I do like the ‘whispered’ detail.

Great job, MJ. I enjoyed your take on Lavender’s character, and how her relationship with Ron was. –hugs-

Author's Response: Wow. What a nice review! Thank you so much for all of your suggestions. I've been wanting to go back and change a couple of things but I have't found the time to. Thanks so much!

Reviewer: teddyvictoirefreak
Date: 06/17/09 19:19
Chapter: One-Shot

I like that Lavender didnt send the letter seriously she would only have caused pain. I dont understand though why you wrote about Lavender because I kind of think shes stuck up.BUT YOU showed that it wasnt Lavenders fault like alot of people who read HBP thought god I hate that Lavender chick but see its also the guys fault he totally hurt Lavender in the end and they still act like shes the horrible on although she did break up with him.................
Well still kudos on your story it was okay not a fave though.

Author's Response: I have to admit, I'm not a fan of Lavender. Surprised that I wrote this? Let me explain a little. I originally wrote this for a drabble on the beta forums but it ended up being long enough to be a one-shot. I have no idea where I got this idea, it just came. I wanted people to see the break up in a different point of view--to make it look like Ron had caused most of the damage and not Lavender. Thanks for the kudos and for the criticism. Thanks for the review! ~MJ

Reviewer: Rislans88
Date: 06/16/09 19:51
Chapter: One-Shot

well done!!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad that you like it. Thank you for the review! --MJ

Reviewer: BlissfulxEuphoria
Date: 06/16/09 8:05
Chapter: One-Shot

It was good. The only "problem" I found (if you call it a problem) is this:

She re-thought the lines through and once she had gotten started, the words flew from her fingertips.

Usually when someone says 'words are flying through your fingertips' it implies typing. But Lavender is writing a letter with a quill.

Gosh, I can't believe Lav-Lav and Won-Won were nicknames. Makes me sick xD

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out. I didn't even catch that. I'll go back and change that. The nicknames (I suspect) make everyone sick--including me. Thank you for the review! ~MJ

Reviewer: MadEyeMaddy
Date: 06/15/09 21:10
Chapter: One-Shot

Omg! I loved this. I never really thought about what Lavender would be thinking. I liked how put that little twist at the end, how she didn't mail it, but burned it. I always cried! I'm so pathetic(:. That means you're an amazing writer though!


Author's Response: Thank you so much! I never really thought about it either until I was on the beta boreds one day and something sparked. I'm so glad that you liked it and I'm sorry that I made you cry. But I'm so glad that you think I'm a good writer. That's very nice of you to say so. Thank you for the review! ~MJ

Reviewer: Afifa
Date: 06/15/09 20:00
Chapter: One-Shot

Aw, MJ, congratulations on getting this finally up. :D

Lovely story, of course, but then I might have mentioned that before. :p Great job, dear. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much Afifa! I know that this wouldn't have gotten up without you! You're the best! ~MJ =)

Reviewer: ginnygirl16
Date: 06/15/09 18:30
Chapter: One-Shot

wOw! Okay, I'll admit that I'm not much of a Lavender fan. Okay, so I totally despise the character, but the way you wrote her, actually made me feel a twinge of pity for the girl. Great job!


Author's Response: Awww...thanks Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy that this is up! I cannot tell you how long I've been trying to get this up onto MFF. Thank you for your review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! ~MJ

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
Not From Others by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
She may not have been able to join Harry, Ron and Hermione, but Ginny refuses...
The Marred Boy by Padfoot11333 1st-2nd Years
The two Marauders who were outcasts in their own homes. I am Padfoot11333...
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...