I think you sell yourself short in the summary by calling this a collection of drabbles! It stands by itself as a strong story line. The fact that most of the snapshots simply describe everyday occurrences made me feel like I knew your characters better... After all, not everyone's Hogwarts experience is as tumultuous and eventful as Harry's ;) Great writing, as always.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Wow, this is an old story. The thing is, it really is a collection of drabbles, since each was written for a specific prompt. I tried very hard to sew them together into a whole, though, so I'm glad it worked! I'm glad you enjoyed the story and my take on some of these next gen characters. Thank you so much for digging up this old story and leaving such a lovely review! ~Gina :)
ooooh... I read this after Lost. This adds a lot to it! Nice.
Author's Response: Thank you! Writing this really helped with my other story - it was a great challenge! Thanks for checking it out, I'm glad you read it and really appreciate the review! ~Gina :)
For a bunch of miscellaneous drabbles, all of them really tied well together. It would be fun if you ever decided to expand on them and tell us more of the story. I find I would love to see what was in the box from Al’s family, though I know it was great representations of Ravenclaw to support his new house. I guess that is the part that really matters. It was joy to see how you characterized Albus and kept all the family traits there, while developing him to be a true Ravenclaw. His friends were a joy to read and the way he faced the many challenges he came upon were entertaining and fun.
He finished his first feast at Hogwarts in relative silence, painfully aware that his family would be certainly be disappointed. I think you could loose one of the be’s in this sentence. ;) I know he would have been unsure of his parent’s reaction, but would have thought their love and support up until this point would have made him less worried for their reaction. It does make for an interesting part of his character though, his uncertainty for anything different or big changes. We see this throughout many of the drabbles.
“I’m Ophelia Zabini,” she said. “Welcome to Ravenclaw, Albus Potter.”
This was one of my favorite lines from the first drabble. It was also a surprise, but in a pleasant way. You really blended characters to make them believable in their sorting and acceptance of each other.
The second drabble really gave us an insight into Al and how he reacts to fear and such. He doesn’t break down and worry, but lets the box just sit in front of him. He does worry, but is patient enough to let it go, very different from his father, but characteristic of his mom. ;)
Here, have some something to drink,” James said, offering him a tall glass of pumpkin juice. “You’ll need your strength to block all the Bludgers I send your way.”
James is stuttering here a bit! Hehe. The interaction between James and Albus was very friendly and fun to read. Their relationship here really makes the last drabble a great wrap up to the collection, and makes it very believable. Al’s hint of a bet with Harry made me giggle.
The only part of the third year drabble that confuses me a little is why it took Al so long to recognize Melinda. She wasn’t his best friend, but you hinted that she was around a lot. You might want to make him a little more preoccupied or something to have it take so long for him to see her. I know I sometimes see things, but it takes moment for them to actually comprehend if I’m too absorbed in other thoughts. Al was a typical young man when he was trying to talk to Melinda and it was so much like Harry at the same age!
I really enjoyed the fact that Al wasn’t the only Weasley sorted out of Gryffindor. It was great how you used the ROR! I can totally believe they would get together like that too. Lily being interested in birthstones and such was a delight to read and really brought out some fun parts of her personality.
You showed a great moment between Marcum and Al at the lake. Marcum pointing out just how much Al really did know was fun and showed just how well they knew each other. It hinted well to some of what was to come later on.
He was frustrated and disappointed, and did not think he would never find the right memory now. This line really showed Al’s personality. . . though never should be ever. When he finally finds his memory, it was a great moment to read.
The scene with Jackson and Al was very revealing. It is funny how sometimes those involved with things are sometimes the last to know. It is sad when knowledge comes from those who are ignorant instead of from those who are accepting, but I’m glad that Al could walk away from it more enlightened and not the worse for the knowledge.
The Pub Garden prompt really goes to show the courage it takes to face certain situations. “I won’t be any easier out there,” Marcum countered. Marcum’s insight here is great, though you might want to fix the typo. ;) I’m glad that Albus and Marcum were both on the same page. It would have ruined everything that lead up to this moment if they weren’t.
James’ reflections on Albus’ life were wonderful. I really want to know what had happened to Albus, but in some ways, that would have taken away from James’ moment with his young son. Thanks for some great short stories in how you picture Albus Severus. He really showed a lot of his name sakes’ traits and his parents. It was a joy to read this collection of memories. It would be great to see more of the story, if you ever get around to it.
Author's Response: Oh my gosh - THANK YOU for the AMAZING review!! What a treat to wake up to. I'm so glad you read this story as it was so fun and yet so challenging to work on. Your feedback is fantastic - I've just fixed the typos, so thanks for that (the last one was a good one, lol!) Knowing what worked for you and what didn't work, or what you are still wondering about, will be really helpful as I continue with my Albus. I don't plan to write more with this piece, but I have written a story about Marcum and Albus that I need to get back to and finish. The first two chapters are up if you are interested,although it's rather sad. I wrote this piece to actually help me out with the other! Thanks again for the amazing review (I hope you get good marks on your homework, lol!) *hugs* ~Gina :)
I really love this story. I love all the different years that Albus was there. You put alot of stuff in only one chapter and it was great. I'm sad that there is only one chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad you liked it. I've written a bit more about this Albus and Marcum in my story called "Lost" if you are interested. I really appreciate you reading this piece and leaving such a nice comment - thank you! ~Gina :)
This is a beautifully written story! The choice of moments in Al's life help to develop his character wonderfully, giving him his separate identify from his large and famous family. The way that you filled in the missing moments each year to help him grow, but still left missing moments makes it mysterious...as the reader, I want to know more! What was in the box from his first year? How long did he stay on the Quidditch team? And the big question at the end...I definitely want to go check out "Lost" now!
I think my favorite prompt is...well, I couldn't pick one out. :) Ophelia's dialogue in Prompt 1 is fantastic, I liked her right away. I enjoy seeing the dymanics between all the relatives...you write the relationships very well.
In addition, I thought you treated what could be a sensitive subject for some very naturally. I personally don't know what it's like to have to come to terms with understanding those feelings at a young age, but you made his transition believeable to me. The defensiveness and refusal to admit it to himself, keeping it secret, fear of rejection from his loved ones, fear of being outcast from society...all of those things he felt as such a young person. And you captured it all.
Great story, I hope you did well in the Almost Gauntlet!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this great review! I'm so glad you liked the way this piece was set up and presented. Thank you for the wonderful compliments *blushes* I especially appreciate your last comments on Albus's coming out - I have never written a gay character before and am glad I was able to handle it with sensitivity and realism. Thank you for reading this and leaving such a nice review, I really appreciate it! ~Gina :) PS. I haven't heard about the Almost-Gauntlet yet, but I must admit I miss writing about these characters I created for it!
Er, did he die? Albus, I mean
Author's Response: Well . . . yes. It's part of another story I am working on, and I thought it was a nice conclusion to this one (and fit the prompt!) Thanks for reading! ~Gina :)
MMm... I realise my review was a bit short, and un-review-ish.
Allow me to start by stating the obvious, I lked the story. I found it rather enjoyable and interesting. I really liked the little warm pieces of everyday life you portrayed in it.
I found the pre-Quidditch squirmish between brothers particularly enjoyable - specially how you made James much like his grandfather and how most of the Potter-Weasley clan cheered for Albus even if he was not in Gryffindor!
My curiosity was peaked by the females on Al's litle friend group, since the accent is put in Al and Marcus... Quite a surprise, btw. I must have overlooked the warnings, oopsie. But I think it was very well-handled, sweet and subtle.
Oh! And I'm as sure as hell puzzled as to why and how Albus died!!
Author's Response: Thank you for the second review! I really appreciate your comments. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the compliment on Albus and Marcum - I'm still unsure about that scene and appreciate knowing someone found it sweet and subtle. As for the end - again, it's something else I'm working on so it might be a little while before you have your answers, sorry. But thanks again for reading this story and leaving a review!! ~Gina :)
Wait... I don't get it... Albus died???
Why is James taking to his son in the past tense???
Author's Response: I guess the last drabble wasn't very clear, alas. Yes, James is talking to his son about Uncle Albus in the past tense, which means he is no longer around. It's something I'm working on in another story that creeped into this one. We fanfic writers like to think we are all clever sometimes by linkiing up our stories, lol. Thanks for reading, I hope that makes it more clear! ~Gina :)
Very nice. I've read at least one chapter of you story about Albus and Marcum - this certainly does give it some backstory.
Actually, and maybe it is because I already knew about Albus and Marcum, I find Ophelia the most interesting of the characters. Another Slytherin family with a child sorted out - even in a new society, that must have been interesting...
It seemed like Albus was dead in the end of this story, and yet James didn't seem sad enough for that. Hmmm Mystery.
Author's Response: Oh Thea, thank you so much for leaving my first review! I really appreciate you stopping to read this story. I'm glad you liked it and that it fleshed out my other story a bit. I really enjoyed working on it and creating those other characters. As for the end, I guess it wasn't clear or sad enough, but you are right - and that's all I'll say about that! :) Thanks again for reviewing!! ~Gina :)