Woooooooooow.......this is fascinating. This story is intriguiging, (spelling?) original, and fabulously well written. And, judging by your author's notes, you've obviously done your research.
Author's Response: Intriguing is the correct spelling. Thank you very much for the review.
Hello. What an interesting story you've got here. A complex theme, too. I'm very interested to see where you take this.
Your summary, of course, ensures us that you'll bring the magical world into the story. It's very interesting that you chose not to give any hints of magic in this first chapter; it gives the story a sense of mystery. I'm desperate to know where she came from and what brought her to be like this.
You seem to be handelling the complex situation very well, and it's good to know that you've done extensive research. That's what made me so intrigued in the first place; I could tell that I was going to be reading a story that was well-developed and complex. And that is what I found as I made my way through the piece as well. So well done on making a very impressive start to the story!
You hook us in instantly with this character, or characters, so it seems. I like that you presented the facts first, giving your reader a nice, simple introduction, and then hopped right into giving a little bit more.
She reminded the doctor of Japanese spirits that after death, came back to seek vengeance, appearing with long hair over their faces. I love this imagery. It's haunting, and makes me eager to learn more about this character, despite her scaring me slightly.
The switch in personalities in this first chapter was great; its suddenness allowed me to realise that this is what the rest of the story will be like: sudden changes in character, erratic and interesting and layered. I love it, personally.
I like your choice to view this from the doctor's perspective; the woman's POV would have been almost impossible for readers to grasp. With him, we've got the medical perspective that's always interesting and thought-provoking. We get to see details about her. So excellent choice.
The only problem I found was in this: Through her curtain of hair, her equally dark eyes were visible; staring with slight suspicion, but mostly, her expression was simply enigmatic. It doesn't seem to flow as nicely as everything else. I think it could be worded slightly differently to improve the sentence flow.
Also, having all that information in the summary is unnecessary. You should put it in the Story Note or Chapter Note, so that potential readers aren't overwhelmed.
Overall, a really nice opening to what I can tell will be a very interesting story. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a thorough review, it is very helpful and I enjoyed reading it.
I will fix that transition; it does look choppy now that I reread it.
As for the woman's POV being difficult to grasp, the only book I have read that was from the perspective of the dissociative was "A Fractured Mind" part of which was based off of the doctor's notes.
Don't hesitate to keep reading; chapter 3 is in the queue and I have started on 4. Thanks again for R&Ring! :D
this is really really interesting!
i'm excited to see how it pans out :)
Author's Response: Thanks, chapter 2 is now up and I am almost done with 3.
An unusual premise. Hope you can update soon.
Author's Response: I have just submitted chapter 2. Thanks for reading.
Wow that was kinda confusing, but very interesting and i really want to find out what happens next! Your writing style is very good and i loved reading this chapter! i'm guessing that Dr. brennan is a muggle and this Meredith character is a which. am i right? keep riting! BTW my last name is Brennan! :D
Author's Response: Cool about the last name. I I started off writing this with a female therapist, but then I felt it was a bit too much like Sybil. Yes, Dr. Brennan is a Muggle.