Reviews For Divided By Magic
Reviewer: cassie123
Date: 08/11/09 2:02
Chapter: A Daunting Diagnosis

Hello again :)

You continue to hold my interest throughout this chapter, and I love the amount of detail you provide. It really shows your connection to the story and your research skills. These are wonderful things to have as an author.

While I do love learning about DID in your fic, I found that the way you wrote out the facts removed me a little from the story, in that they were just written our facts that weren't blended very well into the narrative. I think instead of plainly saying Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a psychological disorder... etc, to continue the flow of the story, you could have had it read something like "Dr. Brennan knew that Dissociative Identity Disorder was psychological, and that it ..." and then go on to say what you've already said, but wording it from Dr. Brennan's perspective. This way, the facts becomes more personal, because I felt that I was perhaps reading a written report during these parts, rather than a story.

I love your reference to Sybil, and the way you explained in the End Note who she is worked well for that, and allowed the reference to blend into the story without need for explanation within the dialogue or narrative. I think this would work well for the other parts I've mentioned too.

There are a few technical errors running through this that could be smoothed over by a beta. The recurring mistake that I found was the absence of a comma in dialogue that addresses some one. For example: “Hey Nathan, I need to talk about a patient,”. A comma needs to appear after "Hey" because Nathan is being addressed. This appeared in other aspects of the fic too. This is just for future writing's sake though :)

I have a feeling you'll be introducing more elements of the magical world into this fic fairly soon, because otherwise I fear you're forgetting this is Harry Potter fan fiction. While I love these Muggle characters and their knowledge of the disorder, a magical perspective would be lovely to see. Or at least more magical detail!

These things aside, you're shaping the beginning of a very interesting fic here. Congratulations on that, and update soon :)

- Cassie

Author's Response: Thank you for such a wonderful review Cassie, Part of what encouraged me to keep writing one day was the thought of a review from you. :)

I know my commas are awful. I try my best.

Not to sound narcissistic, I was pretty pleased with the paragraph I wrote on DID in this chapter although I see where you're coming from.

My next few chapters do have more references to a magical world, and I'm planning to build up these references so there are more and more in each chapter.

Thanks again for R&Ring! ~Twitchy

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist
Date: 07/23/09 19:59
Chapter: A Daunting Diagnosis

Once again, woooooooow...Great chapter. Update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! :D

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Put Asunder by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
As a Slytherin Sorted two years after the Battle, Astoria has never been popular...
A Story for Charlie by Darkness Enshrouds 3rd-5th Years
A boy. A girl. A budding romance. If only things never got complicated... (Violence...
Scorpius Malfoy and the Salem Witch Trials by Hotrav 3rd-5th Years
The third story in the Scorpius Malfoy and the Sins of the Fathers series. Lucius...
FEATURED
My Troubled Tyrant by Belledeg Professors
Keedie Dante has experienced many amazing things during her time at Hogwarts...
His and Hers by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
In a perfect world, Neville and Hannah's wedding would go off without a hitch...
All This Waiting For The Sky To Fall by Dawnie 1st-2nd Years
They found her body - broken, bleeding, face filled with signs of pain and fear...
Sanguini, the Vampire by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Vampirism is the persistence and the perpetuity of the body, a madness of the...
Lost and Found by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
When Tracey Davis's financial security was a casualty of war, her family is...
CATEGORIES