Way too perverted
Author's Response: I'm sorry you feel that way! :(
Very good. When we mostly see the Marauders, it seems like everything is great. We forget that Voldemort is gaining power and killing. You did a very good job capturing the darkness of their era in this chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the darker edge.
WOW! thats all i can say...wow (and that is a good thing).
Author's Response: Thank you! :)
I hadn't been expecting Regulus to be the killer but I liked the plot twist
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad :)
ok i know this is going to sound like im lying, but i totally guessed that regulus was the killer that time when james and lily went into the slytherin common room and the way u wrote that rosier was giving regulus that look and all.. i ACTUALLY guessed!!
omg like awesome!! can not wait for the next one! :)
Author's Response: I believe you! :) I'm glad you liked this chapter; the next should be up soon. Thanks for the review!
HOLY MOTHER OF MERLIN!!!! I was actually alone in my room, gasping out loud as I read this chapter. And much worse, I yelled, "YOU JERK!" when I found out about Regulus. I'm so into this story and I can't wait to read about the encounter with Voldemort! I actually wasn't expecting that... I thought they would stay in Hogwarts for sure, but I'm really excited for the next chapter now! And I feel awful for Grace =[ it's so sad. And poor Lily! I can imagine that would be so hard on James. Man, this has got to be my favorite story on this site (beating out An Unseemly Proposal!) and one of the best written! Thanks for writing it!! =D And please update soon!
Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you're enjoying it so much! This story definitely didn't point towards a final confrontation with Voldemort the way my last Lily/James epic, Someone To Watch Over Me, did, but it's good to know you're excited for it even if you didn't expect it :) Thanks very much for the review! And your favourite story on the site? Wow, thank you!
I like how you arrange the titles of the chapters to form a short story/poetry =) very nice.
Author's Response: Thanks! It's a song actually -- "Made of Steel" by Our Lady Peace. :)
NO I did not skip the memory. I just want to say, wow. Regulus?? Really?? Didn't see that one coming at all. I'm surprised Lily isn't able to fight off the imperius curse that much. There's so much in this chapter I don't even kno wat to say. It was great, explosive, shocking, revealing, everything a good story needs. Another amazing job :)
Author's Response: Thank you! And good, I'm glad you didn't skip it! :) The Regulus reveal took you by surprise, did it? I'm kind of happy about that -- I didn't want it to be obvious. As for Lily and the Imperius Curse -- there's more of that it the next chapter ;)
OMG AMAZING! I just had an IM convo with my sister allll about this amazing chapter! personally I think Lily is going with the imperius curse and will be able to break out of it but AHH sooo exciting! I literally am in love with how you write alll of the characters! I knew it was Regulus! And I thought Sirius knew but I'm not so sure now but it was interesting how Regulus held Sirius back from following James... guess there is still some form of love/bond between brothers. Can't wait for the next chapter! This story is definitely one of my favorite Lily/James stories! :D
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it and like all the characterizations! The next chapter is a good editing away from being finished, so should hopefully be posted soon -- and there will be a lot more about Sirius and Remus and the bond between brothers ;)
I thought it was Regulus ever since James and Lily went to the Slytherin common room, but in the last chapter I thought it was the girl! You did a great job with the hints in this story. None of the hints were really big, and they're nice and subtle; nothing was set in stone. It was great.
I read parts in this chapter so quickly; I've never read faster than when I read when James was talking to Grace. You dragged everything out perfectly. It was long so I was dying to see who killed Jill, but it wasn't too long and I didn't really want to skip ahead. You wrote that scene perfectly.
And I was so...captivated by that scene that I didn't even skip ahead. I always skip ahead, but it never crossed my mind to skip ahead to see who the killer was. That's another reason why that scene was amazing.
I love Grace's characterization there. She feels sorry about what she did and she's trying to get James to see it that way. I love reading that in any story. She is written beautifully while she is talking to James.
"It was Regulus," Grace whispered. "Regulus Black killed Jill."
When I read that, this is what went through my head: 1) 'I KNEW IT WAS HIM!' 2) Oh. My. Gosh. I actually said 'I knew it' out loud. To me, I think that having it come right before the memory is part of what made it so powerful. The other part is how Grace said it. She got braver and finally came out with it. I love how you wrote her doing that. :)
*raises hand* I must confess that I almost skipped the memory. I skipped over it and I read the first sentence of the next part, but it felt like I was committing a crime so I went back up and read it. I think you put the memory in a great spot. As much as I wished I could get on with the story, it was nice to take a break and collect my thoughts while finding out what happened to them. I felt so bad for James when I read that he didn't really think about his uncle. The guilt must be terrible for him; I know I'd feel terrible.
Regulus's eyes flickered to Grace, and his lips tightened imperceptibly. James might not know Regulus, but he knew Sirius, and he knew what that tightening meant; he knew how to read the face of a Black brother. Regulus might be a killer, but he still loved somebody, still loved Grace.
I love that paragraph. I always love a similarity between Regulus and Sirius, and I've never read this one before. It's good to know that something - or someone - can have something over Regulus.
"I haven't the faintest idea what you mean," Rosier replied, tossing the coin into the air and then deftly catching it.
When I read this part I had a feeling that the coin would come in to play later in the story. I love the way you used this later in the story.
I'm so happy that you have Lily under the Imperious Curse. No one ever uses that in fanfiction. Rosier, in my opinion, was right -- it is the best Unforgivable Curse. Okay, I'm not happy that the curse is used on Lily, but it's what makes the chapter interesting. James can't fight Rosier like he wants to because he has control over Lily. It was a lot of fun to read Lily under the curse.
I smiled when Sirius came in. No matter what the situation is, Sirius can always make me smile. And I love where he comes in at. It seems right.
Regulus smiled. "Regulus," he said smoothly, "knows where his loyalty lies."
Do you mean Rosier there?
"I don't regret killing Weiss. It was what I had to do. It was what was asked and expected of me. I'm not ashamed of choosing to follow my beliefs." He paused, and James stood waiting, waiting for some hint that there was still a spot of humanity left in Regulus Black. "But I didn't mean for anyone else to get involved. I didn't want Danes to die. I didn't want Grace to get hurt.
At the end of that paragraph you need a " at the end. (I forget what they're called at the moment.)
And also, that is one of my favorite paragraphs because it sums up Regulus pretty well for only being a paragraph. I love it because Regulus became a Death Eater because he wanted to, not because someone wanted him to. It also shows that he has a compassionate side and he cares about someone other than himself, unlike lots of people like him are portrayed.
That brings me to everyone’s characterization.
I've already told you how much I like Grace's. She isn't overly... sad or overly emotional, which could happen very easily in her situation.
Rosier is probably my favorite character in this chapter, which is saying something because Regulus is my favorite character in the whole series. Rosier is just so...evil. I love how he taunts James with what he does to Lily. He truly - in a way - is a smart person. He knows how to work people in his favor. He is so much fun to read.
And then there's Regulus. I already mentioned some stuff, so I won't get in to that. "I lied," said Regulus, not looking his brother in the eye. I could be taking this the wrong way, but I'm guessing that people are on their way, or, if not that, he at least is still on his side. Also, at this part here: The last thing clear thing he saw was Sirius struggling with his brother as the other boy tried — and succeeded — to hold him back. Regulus either is keeping him there for his own safety, or so that Rosier can carry out his plan. I'm leaning towards the first one because I don't think that Rosier would tell Regulus all of his plan. That would be very unwise. Even though Rosier told Regulus some stuff, I'm sure that he doesn't trust Regulus with everything. I don't believe that Regulus will particularly help his brother or anyone else, but I believe that he was telling the truth that he doesn't want anyone else to get involved.
I think James remained very, very in character throughout this chapter. He would do anything to help Lily, but he made it clear that he would never join Voldemort. That shows how strong he is. In that situation I would do something completely different; I'd join Voldemort, but fake it and hope that works. But James stays strong with his beliefs. I love that about him. I think JKR would have written him like that.
I love this chapter so much, in case you haven't noticed. ;) Everyone's characterization is amazing and the plot is wonderful as well. Just one question: Why was Sirius there alone? I thought that Sirius was with Remus, and that they would have went there together. But maybe Sirius was alone and that's why he's the only one there with James. I'm not sure.
I can't believe I didn't say anything about the ending! I love it, especially Rosier. He's rather arrogant with how he goes about stuff before the portkey goes off and after they're near Voldemort. I love it.
Standing above him, his red eyes staring at James appraisingly, was someone James had never met or even seen but whom he knew, without a doubt, to be the man called Lord Voldemort.
I love how you write that. It is worded very well. I love how you use a lot of words without having too many. It's amazing. That last sentence is a prime example. There was a lot of detail and some stuff that isn't necessary to the sentence, and that's what makes it great. Not to mention it stays true to James. And it's a great last sentence that leaves me wanting more.
Once again, you leave us with a great cliff-hanger. I know I'm dying to find out what happens next, and I'm sure that tons of other people are too.
Amazing job on everything in this chapter! (Especially with Rosier and Regulus!)
Author's Response: Ooh, such an epic review -- thank you so much! I'm glad you caught the hints that it was Regulus but that it wasn't TOO obvious :) And I was really afraid the conversation with James and Grace would be frustrating and seem dragged out, so it's a relief to know you think it was well paced and that you liked how Grace was portrayed. It does surprise me that the Imperius Curse isn't used more, because despite how awful it is, it really has a lot of potential in fic, I think, if used well. Oh, and I'm so happy you liked all the characterizations! Rosier is a Darth Vader kind of evil -- the kind you love to hate. As for Regulus, well, his role isn't done yet. Thanks for pointing out the typos! I always miss a few! As for why Sirius was there alone -- that will be explained in the next chapter, I promise. I'll definitely try to update soon -- I know that was a crazy cliffhanger. Thanks again for the amazing, detailed review!
MagEd, I hold you in super high esteem because you consistently have the best portrayal of my favorite favorite favorite favorite character from the HP universe ever (James duh) and whenever you have new stories posted I just get a giddy feeling inside and go into my happy place to read them, even when they're not about him. JSYK.
Okay, so this chapter.
The murderer- Oh my gosh, I was not expecting this. I was sort of expecting some sort of hormone-driven crime of passion on Grace's part, and killing poor Lenore because she threatened to speak up... But no! You've thrown me for a loop! AGAIN!
I have a certain soft spot in my heart for Regulus, so I really hope he redeems himself in the end.
Ugh. Rosier. What a four-letter word.
That's all for now because I'm hungry and already ready for the next chapter. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I absolutely adore James and really wish that he wasn't fiction (crazy much, self?) so I'm so happy to know that you think I write him well! It was hard to make Regulus the killer considering that we know he's not truly a bad person, but I can't help but think that before he turned on the Dark Lord he did do bad things. I'll try to post the next chapter soon!
I didn't skip the memory :P though i'll admit it wasn't as exciting as the rest of this brilliant chapter but still it was very emotional.
though this chapter was AMAZING! i did not see that coming any of it! though i did know Grace didn't do it!
i never would have guessed Regulas was the muderer.
Rosier's character was amazingly return though he is absolutley evil he was a very well written evil.
i love the imperius curse twist you've added here it definintly adds to the story and the whole story with grace dating regulus and lenore hearing the argument the whole thing was so well planned out.
i can't wait for the update!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked this chapter so much and think that it was all came together well -- I really wanted it to all make sense when the truth was finally revealed :) The next chapter should be up soon!
Oh, I meant to tell you the first time that I definitely did not skip the memory. I love the way you have written them, and I LOVE that Lily is the one who saved Cassie. And I LOVE that James actually fainted... totally believable in that situation, once he got to safety and it all hit him. I thought the placement of the memory after Grace's admission was just perfect, too... a gigantic moment followed by incredibly dramatic past-event, followed by the next thing, which is the worst of all. Wow.
Author's Response: Thank you! I was afraid people would think the memory boring and find the actual events in the here and now much more interesting -- I'm glad you thought it worked well in the flow of the story and that you liked how Lily was the one to save Lily; I've been waiting to reveal that twist! :)
I didn't skip the memory, I just didn't read it with as much attention as the other parts of the chapter. I guess I was too busy trying to figure out what was going to happen next. For some reason, I didn't expect Regulus to be the killer. I mean, after all of what happened, wasn't Reg a good guy in the end? But I suppose it makes sense, because Regulus would've had to be a bad person first. At least he saw the error in his ways. Too little, too late, if you ask me.
I was so scared with how you made Lily act with the Imperious Curse. And I think although Harry Potter is just fantasy, not real, a certain kind of Imperius Curse does exist in a way, like how some people can wrap a person around their finger so easily it's unbelievable. Anyway, that bit gave me goosebumps. By the way, while I was reading this chapter, I kept gasping, which made my little brother think I was seeing something really scary on my laptop screen, which was kind of funny.
When they were transported by the Portkey, did the Imperius Curse get removed from Lily, or is she still under the power of it?
The more chapters you've got left, the better. Can't wait for the encounter with Mouldy Voldy!
Author's Response: At one point I switched the memory to the start of the chapter as I thought it would work better there, but then the scene with Grace and the scene with Regulus and the scene with Rosier would all be one long, long scene . . . and I thought a divider was needed. I'm glad you still read the memory! I do think that, as sad as it is to imagine, Regulus did bad things before redeeming himself. Every story I write starts with one scene, and the one scene for this story simply wouldn't have worked if Regulus hadn't been the killer . . . but you'll see in the next chapter ;) Oh, and yes, I definitely think part of what makes the Imperius Curse so terrifying is that people can be controlled and manipulated without magic interfering. On that happy note -- thanks for the review! :)
OMG!!! That's an absolutely evil cliffhanger!! I love the suspense right now though, and I have to admit, you surprised me with the two different killers. I wasn't expecting that =D.
Can't wait for the conclusion of this, and please update soon...I don't think my heart can take it if you don't =P
Wow...how chilling and evil!
Reading what Rosier was making Lily do made me cringe a little. But I felt that it added to the story so well done :)
I love how she managed to break through to tell James she loved him though, I'm guessing she might break through completely next chapter? *crosses fingers*
I actually read the memory as I enjoy them :)
And poor Grace, I'm happy she wasn't the killer!
Looking forward to the next chapter, you're a great writer :)
Author's Response: This chapter wasn't pretty awful to write. I had the first section and the memory written the day after the last chapter was posted, but it took me a while to push my way through the entire encounter with Rosier. But I'm glad you thought it well done! And I'm glad you like the memories and read this one! :) Thanks for the review! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.
I am still really loving this fic, and as it draws to the climax, I'm getting bummed that it will eventually be finished. :( What a brilliant way to have Rosier torture James... it was just awful to see Lily that way. I'm glad it wasn't Grace... that just did not seem right somehow. Wow, James and Voldemort... I can't wait to see what happens next.
Just FYI, a couple of times I think you had the wrong name, and it was just briefly jolting. First...
"No!" Jilly cried. "No, no, I never meant for any of this to happen! I never . . ."
I think you meant to write, Grace cried, right?
And then the same thing later...
"I lied," said Regulus, not looking his brother in the eye.
Regulus smiled. "Regulus," he said smoothly, "knows where his loyalty lies."
I assumed it was actually Rosier who smiled and made this comment.
Hope you dont' mind me pointing those out... I've made similar mistakes when editing and would truly want someone to tell me about it so I could fix it.
Enjoying this so much... you remain one of my very favorite authors on this site.
Author's Response: Haha, those would be pretty jolting. I actually mixed up Regulus and Rosier a good dozen times and I had hoped I'd caught all of them when I read through before submitting, but apparently not -- thanks very much for pointing them out! I definitely don't mind. I'm glad you like the story and consider me one of your favourite authors on the site -- that's such high praise! Having Grace be the killer definitely wouldn't have made much sense. And, oh, writing Lily act like that was much harder than I'd thought . . . it was definitely all kinds of intense and awful. Thanks for the review :) The next chapter should be up soon.
i like this fanfiction, but i don't think james and lily focused so much on a killer when they were together. it's so sweet how james listens to everything lily tells him to do..."Okay? Yes. I'll help you. Of course I'll help you....''
Author's Response: Thank you! No, there are times when the killer fades to the background. In my opinion it wouldn't entirely take over their lives. I'm glad you think James sweet :)
oh how exciting! i cant wait for the end but i dont want it to end at the same time!
i was so shocked at the beginning i thought lily and james might actually be over. but i knew the weren't as soon as james' talked to rosier.
but is grace really the killer? i dont think she is but she might know who did it.
unless she did and is getting revenge on her roomates who weren't her friends...hmmm i dont htink so but oh well cant wait for the update!
Author's Response: The end of long stories like this is always a terrible mix of wanting and not wanting it -- I'm glad you're excited, though! And I'm happy I could fool you for a minute or two, although I could never have James and Lily fight like that ;) As for Grace -- you'll just have to wait and see! Thanks for the review.
oh my lanta oh my lanta oh my lanta!! haha i bet you've never heard that before! thats one crazy chapter you have tehre!! I got sooo concerned when i first read the fight i was likt OH MY LANTA NOOOO!! haha but then it made scence to me midway through reading it, I adore the plan and I love how you have the map being taking by flilch totally canon and not many people have that at all in their lily and james stories! I adore this soooo much I cant wait!
Author's Response: Oh my lanta? Yup, I have no idea what that means! But I'm glad you liked it and enjoyed that I included Filch taking the map. I think a lot of James/Lily stories just don't cover it -- my last one didn't -- but it fit for this story :) Thanks for the review!