I am entirely mesmerised by this story.
The Killers are my aboslute FAVORITE band and Draco is one of my ultimate favorite characters. What can I say? A match made in Heaven!
This is also very well written and very believable indeed.
I loved it and you made my day with the Killers references.
Author's Response: Thank you! I love the Killers too and this song was just made for Draco =)
Hey SPEW Buddy! I'm here to review your lovely fic :)
The first thing I noticed was your use of the song lyrics; I thought they were very effective, and were a great bonus to the fic. They're woven exceptionally well into the passages, and rather than being seperate entities, they really tie in with the story and inter-twine with the feelings and emotions of the piece. Now, I haven't read many song fics, but I thought you handled that particular aspect very well.
'Draco Malfoy was free.' Isn't it funny how such a short, simple line can make such a powerful impact? It's such a solid, matter-of-fact sentence, yet it creates a surge of interest for the reader. It's a great line, Russia. Deceptively simple, really. It's dramatic - you can almost hear the 'dun-dun-DUN' soundtrack in the background.
I have to hand it to you, Russia, you're very talented at creating these simple, powerful sentences that really make an impact on the reader. I don't know how you do it. It seems so effortless, but wow.
However, I do have quick qualm - you're over-describing the eyes, and placing too much emphasis on them. Eyes are something of a tricky feature, and I know I'm guilty of placing a lot of emphasis on them in an intense scene. If you're describing Draco's eyes, for example, whether the colour or the expression in them, don't then proceed to describe Ginny's, yes? Or don't keep referring to the colour, or whether or not they're 'flashing'.
'He had just locked out the only person who might ever understand him.' Um, WOW. I love love love it. LOVE IT. How do you do it? You just create these lines that stick in your mind, you know? Like, I'm trying so hard not to just copy and paste the entire story into this review, because there are a lot of lines that I like.
Regarding the whole 'Ginny/Draco' aspect of the piece, I admit that I would have liked it to be a bit more explored - more explanation, perhaps, as to how they came to be, rather than just re-iterating the point that Draco had secretly admired her for years. In one way, it wasn't necessary, as it was 'only a kiss', as you say, and it makes it even more poignant because there is no explanation for why Draco feels this away, and he's been gone so long that he's deluded himself almost, and worked this kiss up to something amazing, when she doesn't even remember it... so perhaps it works that way, as it's so tragic then. But I would have liked to know why Ginny kissed him back.
Speaking of Ginny, the Obliviating was so dramatic! I was practically open-mouthed when that happened. Guh. I don't know why, I just so wasn't expecting it, and then when it happened, it made sense to me. It seemed like such a Draco move. I think you really got into Draco's psyche.
'If she was with me, she wouldn’t be living in such a pathetic little place, Draco thought.' That line is just so DRACO! However, I'm not sure if he would refer to Harry as 'pretty boy'. Cedric seems to have been a pretty boy, whereas although Harry is supposed to have become more 'fanciable' over time, I don't imagine him being a 'pretty boy.' I'm not sure how I would describe Harry, exactly. Perhaps something else to do with his appearance? Scarred? Spectacled? But more offensive, obviously. Although maybe having it as 'pretty-boy' is good, because really, it's just Draco trying to insult Harry in any way possible, and make himself feel better.
'Draco followed the couple, careful not to step on the leaves that crunched under their feet.' How do you do it? It's so simple, but GAH, so wonderful at the same time. I can't quite concisely describe my love for that line. It's just realistic, and I can picture the scene so vividly in my mind - Draco creeping after Harry and Ginny, avoiding these crisp, red autumn leaves, while being totally obsessed with observing their every move.
Mmm, I do wonder how realistic is it to have them smoking? I know it's to tie in with the lyrics, but I don't really buy it. Especially when you think that Harry's been out of temptation's way for so long - the teenage years being the age where most people begin to start smoking. I also think that because Harry's lost so many loved ones from death, he'd hardly be okay with Ginny inhaling poison...
'Supposedly he was free, but really he was a prisoner all along.' That's a truly great insight, and really sums up what I imagine to be the feelings of most ex-prisoners. Sometimes, the walls, bars and guards of jail aren't the prison at all - it's themselves, and their lives, and sometimes even when you've left the situation of imprisonment, you're never really gone at all. I thought that line was very thought-provoking; well, it made me think anyway, ha ha.
I also love how you left the ending open - did he, didn't he? It's open to interpretation, which I like. You left it suitably tragic.
Fab story, Russia! I really did enjoy reading it, and I thought your plot, characterisation, imagery and description were really wonderful. I especially adored your sentence structure, and the almost simplicity of the piece. The song lyrics really added to the over-all atmosphere of the fic. You really are very talented :)
I am reviewing just like I said. :)
Okay, I don't know where to start. I have never read a fic that was kinda like Draco/Ginny before. This was the first time. And you know what? I LOVED IT!
You are a brilliant author and I cannot wait for your other stories. Get writing girl!
The song with the story is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
Author's Response: Aww Gen thankyou! I am glad you enjoyed it! Have I entised you into my OTP?? lol And thankyou, I should have a first chapter of a fic called "Torn" up soon :D look out for it! I am glad yopu liked the song, i was just listening to it one day and I'm like "INSPIRATION!" i love it when that happens >.< Thankyou! Russia xxxx
Before I even read further I have to say how very freaking Draco the first passage is. 'Freaking' because I can't say the other word, but the other word would hold the weight of just how very freaking Draco it is.
"I'm sorry," he said simply.
I… don't even know how to explain why that hit the amazing radar. I'll try from the beginning….
The imagery from this passage was just amazing. Using past tense the way you did, it allowed for his current and past emotions to be shown, and seeing how conflicting they were—the emotions themselves and how they compared, present to past—just… inspired images. Fear, pain, more fear, hope—it was like the emotions painted the scene, so I was seeing through a haze of (freaking amazing writing) . . . emotions. That's the only way I can explain it. :/
But back to Draco. It starts off with the six years of Azkaban and slides smoothly and flawlessly to the bathroom scene with Ginny, and from point a to b, two very different sides of him, it's just so… in character. It's Draco. And maybe that's why the 'simply' line caught me; an apology from him is something that probably happens once in, I dunno, fifty or sixty years, and his saying it 'simply', it just made the scene blow up in my mind. Like he was even surprised that he would apologize.
I've never been so taken with the first five/six hundred words of a story. :]
But oh, before I forget, the obliviating. Dare I say it again? I dare. AHHHH it's just something he would do. *smiles and nuzzles into her Draco* You have seriously done his character justice in such a small space.
If she was with me, she wouldn’t be living in such a pathetic little place, Draco thought. With a sharp jolt he was reminded that Ginny wasn’t with him, she was with pretty-boy Potter.
I'm going to try and pry myself away from the happiness that Draco's character isn't just another carbon copy, but this line/s made me smile. It shows so perfectly what a true control freak (even in a mild sense) Draco is. And the fact that you've completely avoided any of the old rivalry between him and Harry and simply listed him as pretty-boy is just wonderful. It shows that he doesn't and never did like him, but you didn't stray from the Ginny/Draco point by downing us in Draco/Harry rivalry. Very nice. :]
I have to say the ending was kind of abrupt. It feels like unfinished business and, well, don't stab me with pointy things but I just don't think Draco would give up that easily. I was completely captured by the mood and feel of the ending, but Draco is a fighter in my mind. If he wants something, he'll do whatever he has to to get it.
On the other hand, six years in prison changes a person, so maybe it's a moot point.
What struck me most about this story was the imagery. Some stories, no matter how well written, interesting, or hear-wrenching they are, simply tell you a story. While that's acceptable—I read to hear a story—being able to see things so clearly, it's . . . I dunno, nice? lol. As I first said, it was like watching things through a haze of emotions, and from what was happening to how dear Draco was feeling, I was definitely not disappointed.
I feel like thanking you for doing Draco such justice. xD
Author's Response: Ari, that is the most amazing reveiw ever. I didn't even think this fic was that good >.< but as long as you like it, I am over the moon! I am glad you like Draco so much! I know what word you meant, you told me on AIM lol Draco is one of the few characters I feel like I can characterise half decently, so I am incredibly happy that he works for someone else too :-D I am glad I didn't dissapoint you! What else can I say? just thankyou so much Ari! *squishes* Russia xxxxx
Oh Russia, Russia, Russia! It was so amazing. I had to reread it twice to find remotely appropriate words to express my awe; I hope I can do your story justice with this review.
It is (and I'm being honest, I'm not saying that just because I love you, it's my true opinion) one of the best stories I've ever read on here, and definitely the best Draco/Ginny one – though that may be due to the lack of D/G (Drinny?) fics I read.
Like PnP, I originally intended to copy and paste my favourite parts to show you what I particularly enjoyed, but it is impossible. You just keep up one level of awesomeness from the beginning right to the very last line. It doesn't get slow or boring or hard to read, and you connect every paragraph perfectly to the next one.
I also really liked how you fit the story and the song together – you did a really amazing job with that. There are songfics where the song just represents the general feeling of the story etc., but with your fic, the song actually describes the story and the other way round.
I honestly can't believe that this is your first story on the archives, because it's so incredibly good. Your writing is fantastic, and has – in the way it flows – almost something Rowlingesque to it, which you will, I hope, take as a compliment.
I also thought your plot was really good. This story could even be considered canon – well except for the ending, although in a way it isn't clear if he doesn't live on ;P (btw I liked that you didn't make this explicit).
I got the feeling that Draco talked himself into the "relationship" with Ginny during his years in Azkaban, as this was the only thing he could hold on to. She, of course, doesn't remember a thing, as he obliviated her. Ah, it's so tragic, so moving – and that for me; I don't even like Draco usually! *prepares to be skinned alive*
I can't find a proper word to describe your story. Awesome? Brilliant? Fantastic? It definitely is beautiful in a tragic and sad way. And I really admire your writing.
Now, to end this on a less soppy note, nitpicking :D
He could never let go of the though of being with her; he would always be her slave, a slave to her un-imaginable beauty.
I think you mean "He could never let go of the thought..." here.
Lots of love and hugs and kisses
Author's Response: There are no words Kara. Seriously, no words! from me! Russia! I always have words! You actually just made me cry, tears of happiness, don't worry lol. But seriously, thankyou so much. That reveiw means so much to me! Lots of love, hugs, kisses and tears! Russia xxxxx PS. see?! NO words!
I. Love. This. Seriously.
This was so well-written... it's also very unique, having Draco erase Ginny's memory. I'd quote all the parts I liked... but that would mean copy and pasting the story into the review box, haha.
I only have one nitpick- the line Harry walked home, like common Muggle, should be 'like a common Muggle'.
This is most definetely going into my favorites- thank you for sending me the link, by the way ;-)
Author's Response: PnP, you just made my day/week/month/year!!! Thankyou so much! I will change that sentence, but oh my gosh! PnP's favourites?! *is honoured* Thankyou so much for reveiwing! *fangirls* lol Russia xxxxx
I had to sort of let this sit overnight before I could review. And frankly, in three years here I don't think I ever have reviewed a songfic, so I'm not sure I know what I'm doing. However...
I can see that Draco has been dwelling on this for years. It has kept him going. There is a long history of men who were thought lost coming home to find the woman they had been using to sustain their morale - a wife, a girlfriend - married to or with the child of someone else, in that sense this is really very realistic. Of course, Draco never had Ginny to begin with - but still, in his mind, in Azkaban, somehow he did have her, or something of her, and that kept him going.
It doesn't bother me at all if Harry and Ginny sometimes act like Muggles - Harry was raised as one, after all, and I am not so sure that every single magical way of doing things is actually easier or better than the Muggle way - we know he doesn't like Apparating, he can't fly on his broom during a London rush hour - I'd say walking home is possibly a really good choice for him. Because he was raised as a Muggle, he really is in a better position to chose how to do things - it is not as if he doesn't know how. Ginny is spunky and adaptable and I'm sure she doesn't mind moving from one way of doing things to another and back - it probably depends on their mood what they chose.
I can see the whole scenario happening, but I have to wish that something, someone could have stopped Draco right at that moment. Maybe there was something else he could have found to live for, but at that moment, it was too much at once. Very believable.
I'm debating the fact that he seems to let himself fall instead of just using an AK on himself. That doesn't seem like Draco, but at those moments when you are out of your mind, who knows what you'll do.
A fantastic and original first fic. Congrats!
Author's Response: *finally gets around to responding to some reviews!* Thankyou so much for your Review Thea! I love that you didnt't mind that they acted like muggles, it was the one part of the song that I didn't feel fitted perfectly into the story, but I could think of no other way to get it in. Ahh but does he die? I havent even decided myself whether or not he actually jumps/falls. I like to leave a little air of mystery, it depends how you interpret it, you obviously thought he jumped and died, but I was never really sure. Thanks again! *hugs* Russia xxxxx
Okay, let's begin. :)
I love the song. I feel you've fitted it seamlessly into the plot and when I read your story I think it really illustrated what was happening well and made the emotions stand out. Ginny/Draco isn't a pairing I normally understand but the way you've shown the unrequited feeling made it much more believable to me and very intense, so much so that it grabbed my attention and I found myself even feeling sorry for him! Especially since he's been in azkaban for so long and when he's free he finds this! I love how you've shown a sensitive side to Draco now (removing her memory and such) it's a side we haven't seen so much of before but kind of makes me want to know more about his true feelings.
This isn't the most helpful review I'm sure, but like I said, I wanted to give it a go because I felt it deserved it. I'm really looking forward to future fics now I know how you write!
Author's Response: Awww thanks Steph! Of course your reveiw was helpfull silly! Iam glad you think the son g fitted so well, i was a bit iffy about the smoking and taxi cab bit...but hey, it needed to fit! :-P yeah I was kinda playing on the "poor little Draco" angle and i am glad you think I pulled it off! *loves sensative Draco* lol Thankyou so much for your reveiw!!! :-D Russia xxxxx
WOOOO!!!! Thanks for the PM, I came via the TWS though. Loved it, it really captures the emotion of the song, which you know I love. You created some very moving moments to fit the song and when Draco removed her memory I was so sad! The ending about tore me up inside, I really didn't see that coming. Extremely well done and definately lived up to my high expectations, :D. x
Author's Response: Awwww thanks Ria! I am glad you thought it captured the emotions and about the ending, I know, I hardly saw it coming myself until I had written it.... :-p I am happy that you had high expectations, and even happier that my story lived up to them! Russia xxxxx
That really was a beautiful little story you wrote, Russia. I really felt Draco's utter desolation, which I'm sure was you intent.
When Draco sits and watches Ginny greet Harry when he gets home from work, I really felt that scene worked well, despite the fact that I'm not a Draco/Ginny shipper. It almost seemed like something Snape would do and how Snape would feel when Lily was with James after Hogwarts. (Lily/Severus is my OTP.)
My one nitpick is that towards the end of the story, the text as well as the song is centered. You might want to go back and fix that.
Other than that, terrific job, and congratulations on your first story accepted by MNFF!
Author's Response: Thankyou SoS! I have changed that bit now, tags hate me :-p I am glad you enjoyed the story, and yes, I can see the similarities to Snape/Lilly :-) Russia xxxxx
wow, Russia! That was AMAING wrting!!! really. And poor Draco ): Even though I like Harry/Ginny... Good work with the song, two! Even if they completely acted like muggles... which isn't nessesarily bad... just unlikely... but it works perfectly! Bah, they smoke ):
itwas really, really, really good, hun! Defianetly deserved to be accepted :P
You portrayed draco's feelings really well.
hope my review made sense!
Author's Response: Yes Andrea your reveiw did make sense... :-p Yeah, that was the one part of ther song that didnt fit so well :-( but I am glad you think it worked :-D Thankyou for your reveiw! Russia xxxxx
I reallly have no words to describe how absolutely beautiful that was. I love that song to death and back and the way you wrote to it brought out the emotions of sadness. I reallly, really, really liked it! Keep it up.
Author's Response: You have no idea how happy that reveiw made me! Thankyou so much :-D I am glad you think I did the song justice! It is one of my faves too :-) Russia xxxxx
OMGOMGOMG - squeeeeeee!!! Your fic was accepted! And was it worth the wait?
This was fairly heartbreaking... I nearly had a fit when I realised that Draco had removed Ginny's memory of the kiss. :'( I am a crazed Draco fangirl, and a little piece of my soul withered and died seeing him so miserable. It really makes you hate Ginny, huh?
Anyway... awesomeness! I'm away laughing on a fast camel (that's how I roll)! Pip pip! x
Author's Response: I am glad you thought it was worth the wait Ellie! I know it has been ages, but apparently you knew it had been accepted before I did! :-P now that is one hard-core fan! Thankyou so much for your reveiw, and i am sorry about your soul.... :-p Loving the fast camel... Russia xxxxx
I like this story. I like how you used the song song with the story. It was really good.
Author's Response: Thankyou ron lover, I am glad you thought the song went well :-D Thankyou so much for your reveiw! Russia xxxxx