Very cool one shot! Thumbs up for your writing :-)
yes please follow up
yes please follow up
First off, yes, I want a follow up piece. Definitely.
Second, this was absolutely lovely, Cassie! I really enjoyed reading Lily’s character. I’ve written her a few times, mostly in drabbles, and although your take is rather different from my own, I thought she was believable and liked her all the same.
Scorpius, too, I really enjoyed. He was so perfectly Malfoy about everything, and I could really see Draco coming out in him in various ways. When you had Scorpius saying how his work wasn’t good enough, that he didn’t capture things correctly, I thought it was great characterization because you took the insecurity that when know his father had but hid, and allowed it to surface in a small way much easier than it would have been for say Draco to do. I thought that was spectacular because you took Scorpius to a new level by doing that – he wasn’t just Draco’s son, he was his own person, too.
‘I like how a Muggle photograph can capture a moment in just one frame ... without feeling the need to go further,’ he tells her. ‘Single frames expose people; a whole scene tends to cover the truth. Expressions ... slight movements ... I keep trying to grab them and put them onto a canvas. It rarely works, though,’ he finishes with a mumble.
This passage was wonderful for Scorpius’ characterization. You really took him beyond the surface here. I could picture him not wanting his painting to appear as though it’s covering up the truth because he’d probably have grown up hearing about the secrecy and lies to which his family had previous made their name. It made much sense, then, that he shouldn’t like to have his artwork expressing that. Great job there, dear.
The detail and description that you put into this story were really what set it off, for me. It allowed it to be more than just a small interaction between two characters; it allowed it to become a story. Things just as this: Feeling her top drape loosely, she wonders to what extent the old pervert in the corner will exaggerate her cleavage. It just set the writing apart and made it really enjoyable to read.
This was my favorite bit, though: She likes to violate an individual’s sense of privacy in her art, however she prefers to keep her own self safely shut away. This sentence was just beautiful in concept, and added a lot to Lily’s character, I thought.
This was a lovely little read, Cassie, and I do hope that you continue to write more. I really would love to see that follow up. :)
Hmmm, this is definitely a fascinating snippet, He should definitely paint her picture properly. ::wink::
I think it’s really interesting that this fic begins with Lily running, because the rest of the fic seems to have a very different tone. At first we have this rush to get to the painting class, but then we mostly have a sense of serenity and thoughtfulness. I like this juxtaposition, though. For one thing, it’s neat to compare the opening idea of movement to the movement Lily and Scorpius discuss in the fic, and it’s all related to your prompt (‘instant’ – what a great word to be inspired by!).
Feeling her top drape loosely, she wonders to what extent the old pervert in the corner will exaggerate her cleavage. I love this sentence. It adds a little bit of humor to an otherwise rather serious fic, and it’s a nice glimpse of Lily’s character. She almost reminds me of her grandmother with her cheekiness, though that’s also something she could totally have gotten from Ginny. Next-gen characters like Lily can be so hard to get right because we really don’t know what they’re like, and I think you did a great job showing us a three-dimensional character.
Continuing with Lily’s character, I love how forward she is with Scorpius, how she wants something to happen with him. Ginny was always a person who shouldn’t be underestimated, and I feel like Lily’s insistence that she isn’t that young is reminiscent of that. At the same time, she’s nervous at first, wondering if Scorpius recognizes her, etc., and that seemed sort of Harry (particularly with Cho) to me. I loved these aspects of her character, though, because I think children definitely do reflect certain traits of their parents. And, she’s still her own character. Her love of painting, in particular, is such a nice idea. There aren’t very many fics that explore that part of the wizarding world, especially not ones that look at young, modern artists. It’s just a really cool premise for the fic, and also a great incorporation of the ‘instant’ prompt.
Scorpius is sort of intriguing to me, because, until his rebuff of Lily at the end, he doesn’t seem very … Malfoy to me. I don’t want him to be a carbon copy of his father, obviously, but to me it felt like he really could have been anybody’s son for most of the fic; he could have come from any family. Even the way you describe him – a tangled mess of hair, for example. Now, we don’t really know anything about Scorpius’s mother, but we do know that Draco’s hair was always sleek. ‘Tangled’ isn’t really a word I would ever associate with him. There’s no rule that Scorpius has to have that same look, but maybe just a brief mention of his hair color – something to give us a better picture – might have been helpful. I just wanted more of a connection to Scorpius’s family sooner rather than later, because I think this pairing’s familial backgrounds are important to their potential for a relationship.
That said, I still really enjoyed this fic. I think the setting was really interesting, and Lily in particular was a delight to read. As to the question of a follow up, it’s hard to say. I would love to see this couple reunited in their love of art, but I also love this fic as a stand-alone. The idea of ‘instant’ was captured really well here, and it might be a shame to prolong it, you know? But I think more Lily/Scorpius is definitely in order, whether it’s in relation to this fic or not. -wink-
Now I'm absolutely torn deciding favourites between 'On Top Of The World' 'In Stillness Of The Night' and 'Frames Of Existence'. Very drawing titles by the way.
First the follow up issue. Though right now I'm thinking I'd love a follow up, most of the feeling I have regarding that is emerging from the residual flutter in my stomach hours and now days after I have read it again. But I think the better idea would be to use this context of paint, art, Rose, Scorpius in another idea. I'd really like that. It just seems reading this one-shot like this couple was meant to be here somehow. It was fitting in a way I cannot even begin to describe the 'wow' factor it carried.
I have said this before, I'm in awe of your ability to give this character life making her so believable with each prompt. I also like how you integrated a seeming muggle activity and gave it the perfect wizarding touch. I have recently become very annoying about such things that don't convince me. But this idea really flowed.
But the best part of this one-shot was really how you wrote Scorpius especially towards the last set of dialogues. That was brilliant in the way his demeanour changes, and the way it is written I can almost hear the change in his tone. I have been following all your prompt pretty closely I have found a linking feature: the way you seem to say very much by using very less words.
At last, he brings his eyes to hers. Sighing, he says, ‘Of course. Sorry. She can go.’ This line for me was the turning point of the one-shot. I am very intrigued by Scorpius overall because you introduce us to some familiar some unfamiliar aspects of his character which makes me want to know more about him. So perhaps you may consider writing something from the point of view if opportunity and idea presents.
Madame is a darling ;) I like the personal association she shares uniquely with Scorpius and Lily. I want to give some more thought to linking the prompt to the story itself so perhaps I will make a return trip to this review box.
Author's Response: Akay! You're such a dear for following my SPEW 007 stories. I love you for that. Thanks so much for a great review. Yes, I most certainly will use the art theme with Lily* and Scorpius - I really love that idea. Thanks for your kind comments on my characterisation of this pairing; I really work hard at them! Keep your eye out for new stories and drabbles. :) - Cassie
Please follow up! On the edge of my seat.
I really enjoyed this one. I like the forbidden aspect between Potters and Malfoys. Really interesting ideas! That way they can meet in a place not tainted by the Hogwarts air or youth and schoolwork. I'd love to see some more. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love the forbidden aspect of this relationship, too. I'll be writing more of this pairing :)
In answer to the question in your author's note: No, I do not think you should continue this with a follow-up. For one thing, it feels complete as it is. For another, I think adding to it would also skew the meaning of the prompt that inspired this. Its an instant, only an instant, and I feel that it should stay that way.
Speaking of that prompt, I like the way you interpreted it and how you portrayed it. Tying it into art and photographs was a good touch that I wouldn't have expected. I think you handled it well. I liked the ending especially; another reason I think you should simply leave this piece be. The note you ended on was perfect for the tone and mood of this fic. I felt you captured the theme and the prompt really well in that last paragraph. Adding more would only, in my opinion, bring down what you've written in this one-shot.
She rushes through the dimly-lit hallways, disturbing their peacefulness with the smack of her three-inch heels on the old stone tiles.
I like that you open with this, with an action. It fits very nicely, and, for the most part, the wording of this sentence is well-chosen. However, I do have some small trouble with the word 'smack'. Given that's she's wearing three-inch heels, I'd imagine the actual heel to be pretty thin. Heels like that don't really 'smack'; its a harsh word that doesn't really associate well with the type of shoe she's wearing. Something like, 'clack' would word a lot better, though granted it doesn't have the same harshness that I think you were going for. Perhaps 'snap' or 'tap' would do better.
That said, word choice and wording seem to be a bit of a tricky spot for this fic. There were several instances throughout the fic that I thought could have been better chosen or rearranged so you avoid such thing that can be easily fixed, like ending sentences with prepositions. I won't mention every last one, but I would suggest you go back and read-through your fic, paying closer attention to how it reads and sounds. You also might consider having another pair of eyes help out as well. These are just a few of the larger ones I found:
She speaks with a smirk, however warmness wafts from her.
Small nitpick; 'however' is almost always preceded with a semi-colon and followed with a comma; if not, than it is surrounded by two commas. Here is I think it needs the semi-colon and comma combination. Without either, the sentence sort of stumbles and doesn’t read as smoothly as it could. This seems to be getting consistent, as again, here:
She likes to violate an individual’s sense of privacy in her art, however she prefers to keep her own self safely shut away.
It isn't exactly a word that can always replace 'but' or 'though' or even 'although', all words which I think would fit far better in place of the 'however.'
Lily shifts, her hands sliding against the soft velvet, sensual movement displayed before her indifferent audience members.
I've read this sentence through several times and am still confused. The latter part the begins with 'sensual' is where it snags; I'm just not seeing what is supposed to be meant.
Lily and Scoripus themselves were well-written and characterized. I really liked that you took that turn with Scorpius and had the Malfoy come out in him. I often find that fanfic author's portraying him make him too soft, and seem to forget his background. You brought that into the picture, which I really appreciated. It is clear that he wants her, but he also knows that he shouldn't, so he doesn't. You found that balance, and you wrote it out well.
Overall, I felt it could do with a little technical brushing-up, but the mood and characters of the story fell right into place.
Author's Response: Thanks, dear, for a lovely review! I agree; I won't write a follow up. I may, however, use the idea of them being artists in another fic. I quite like them that way >.> And thanks for pointing out those issues. I wrote it in a few hours and then submitted it the next morning without really giving it a thorough read-through, which was silly of me. I'll keep those things in mind! I'm glad you liked my characterisation and approach to the prompt :) Thanks a lot, Nikki love! [hugs] - Cass
It ended too quickly, where's the next one? It's good though, I really like it.
Author's Response: I may not write follow up specifically for this, however I'm going to write more L/S as artists :) Thanks!
I really loved it-Follow up!!
Author's Response: Thanks! Look up for more L/S one shots then :)
uh, i loved it! it's defianetly is unique and has something special about it (: magical :P it's really really nice.
uh, i loved it! it's defianetly is unique and has something special about it (: magical :P it's really really nice.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
Please don't make a follow-up chapter. I think this story is perfect. You have captured a perfect mood, and honestly, another chapter could only ,make it worse. Don't get me wrong, I really like your story, but, to quote a great author: 'Single frames expose people; a whole scene tends to cover the truth.' In this case: It's a great one-shot. Keep it that way.
Author's Response: Thanks very much for the advice, and for using my quote to prove your point :P I don't think I'll do another chapter, but perhaps another one shot with the same idea of them being artists. It won't be follow up to this precisely that way, and you'll still have your moment :) Thank you for reading! - Cassie
I would love a follow up peice.... The fic was well done, and it had a good end. it was totally enjoyable. And it left me wanting more!
Author's Response: Thank you! Keep your eye out for new one shots. :)
Very complex. I like it a lot. I think you should do the follow up chapter for sure.
Author's Response: Thank you! I don't think I'll do another chapter, but do look out for more Lily/Scorpius one shots! :)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HAVE A FOLLOW-UP! It would make my lifetime!!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I may not write a follow up that's for this exactly, but I'm definitely going to write more Lily/Scorpius with this artist idea. :)
that was interesting! i liked it a lot and i think you should definitely do more with this!
Author's Response: Thank you very much :) I may do that.