i love this story. it was amazing. i am a big severus/lily fan and i could not stop reading it. i read five times and during the last four times it felt like i was reading it for the first time. great job.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it. -hugs- xx
Your writing is really impressive - the imagery was perfect and you captured Severus' home life really well. Your characterisations of Lily and Severus were great too, and despite the fic being from Severus' point of view I could understand where Lily was coming from too.
Just one line bugged me a bit, right near the beginning you said "Hm. The sun will never shine when my Dad's around". I thought the "Hm" sort of ruined the flow a bit.
But it was a great fic, the tension was really well shown and your imagery was perfect.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will take a look at that line if I get a moment, too :) xx
This was a lovely fic, dear. It’s one of the better Severus/Lily fics I’ve read. I liked how it was set after their fight and not at Hogwarts – it was a bit more original, and your characterisation was just perfect. That, I think, is what really makes this fic work – you’ve written Severus and Lily so well, and you can see how they’ve matured since the argument we see in OotP, especially with Severus. This fic really brought across how that was such a pivotal moment for them, and how Sev had regretted it ever since.
I really enjoyed the first person POV, as Severus is such a fascinating character yet so difficult to get right. I’m no expert on his characterisation, but there was one line that jumped out at me as not very IC – “Hm. The sun will never shine when my dad’s around. He’s a raincloud.” His inner monologue about his father was great up until that point, and then that line sort of made me stop and read it twice there. It’s partly because of the use of ‘hm’, which doesn’t flow well with the great imagery you had before it. Also, I think that the whole line just seems a little bit too childish for Severus to say – by this age he’s grown up quite a bit and it seems like something a child would say, or Sev would have before he went to Hogwarts and before he understood the full impact of what his father was doing.
You are absolutely fantastic with imagery, though. I could praise you all day about this. From the very first lines, you had me hooked – you have a way with your writing that makes it seem so very alive, and it was almost like I could feel the biting wind and smell the fish and chips – thanks for making me hungry, by the way. ;) But you put so much detail into your writing that most people don’t even consider, and I think that is what really makes it so intriguing. The little details really make the characters, like Severus’ mother having ‘a tea towel balled in her fist’ and his father ‘grunting in tune to a bad song’.
Lily, too, was characterised brilliantly – I liked her hostility. Too many authors seem to make her so soft and worrying and forgiving, which is just not her at all, if you go by the books. But in your fic she’s harsh and a bit bitchy, which I thought was really IC for her, as was the annoyance at Severus almost swearing. Lily is so proud, and it seems like she would tolerate people swearing about as much as she tolerates them calling her a Mudblood.
You’ve made me feel kind of sorry for Severus, which is a hard thing to do because I usually despise him, in canon and in fanfic. You started off with him on a very sympathetic note, when he’s walking with the fish and chips in the freezing cold thinking about his father beating him. His home life is really heartbreaking, and then when he’s thinking about his dreams and how he’ll never achieve them you realise that he’s just a sad and lonely teenager who has just ruined what was perhaps his only shot at happiness. In the second half of the story, though, my sympathies kind of lean towards Lily as Severus becomes his snivelling self again. You’ve characterised him so well in the way that his thoughts just kind of fall apart when he starts talking to her, and he makes things worse instead of fixing them. Also, I like the slightly obsessive attention he pays to her. It’s another great little detail.
This fic was a really nice read, Spire. You have a great writing style, and you’ve done a great job with Severus and Lily. Thank you!
Author's Response: Jen! Aw, that review made me smile so much because this was such a challenging fic for me to write, and as a result a favourite :) Thank you so much! xx
Ooh, I love it! You did a wonderful job with this. Much better that I could have done.
I love the characterization of Snape and Lily, how they are both sort of confused about what to think of one another.
What a brilliantly written story!
Author's Response: Yay! I'm pleased you like it, dear. And thanks for the characterisation comment; I'm very cautious with my Severus characterisation because sometimes I write him badly, and as this is from his point of view, and all.... Yes. Thanks again! -squishes- xx
I think you really captured the relationship between Snape and Lily here as their friendship starts to deteriorate. I love your writing style :) Really nicely done!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! -hugs-
I really like this story. It's good. It was fun to read.
Author's Response: Thank you! xox