First of all, I loved it! I had never thought of writing about that moment, but I do remember wondering what it would have been like. You did it very well! Vernon's dialogue is extremely well-characterized. I'm guessing you stuck to dialogue only for a reason, because at first I was like 'there's not much description' but then I realized that there was none at all and found that it was quite interesting to read it that way. I'm sure it was a challenge, good job!
Only a few things I have to point out - Petunia kept saying 'okay' and for some reason I never thought of her saying that. I think it would be a good idea to subsitute just a few of them with 'all right' simply for variety if nothing else. I think for the most part Petunia's dialogue was in character but at times I felt she was too loose and indecisive, if you get my meaning. I view her as quite an uptight person who is quick to snap out responses and contradictions. Perhaps that's just the actress in the movies' portrayal of her, though. Anyway, just my two cents, and once again, I enjoyed it immensely! Wonderful fic!
Author's Response: Thank you Hannah :D And it was for a challenge-the bookbasilisk one this summer. i was kind of under time pressure and it didn't get a beta-but now that I think of it, does one even say okay in Great Britain as much as here? In Germany no one really does... I'll change that, thank you for pointing it out! Andrea
Hello, I enjoyed this fic. I thought it was a good idea and Petunia and Vernon were very well portrayed. The conversation they have when Harry is dumped upon them must have been horrifying as well as funny.
There were a few spelling mistakes and some occasional places where I thought the characterisation slipped (for instance, I'm not sure Vernon would call Petunia 'honey' - it seems too nice for him , or Tuney which was Lily's pet name for her - Petunia would not have wanted Vernon to call her that.)
and then lodes of people in odd cloaks, it should be loads not lodes.
‘Thank you Vernon, you sweetie’ There should be a comma after you and a full stop after sweetie.
‘ And through away these disgusting things… It should be throw not through.
There were also a few capitalization mistakes (Loony - loony. Wizarding School - wizarding school) and some missing apostrophes in a few places (sisters surname/ sister's surname).
I have a little Brit-pick as well, which is very minor - but 'public' schools in Britain are actually 'private' and you have to pay for them. Odd, I know, but that's Britain for you. You could change to 'state school'
Finally, you introduced another character in the dialogue (Mary) and the challenge is supposed to be a conversation between two people.
Sorry if I sound harsh; I feel that this was such a good idea and the conversation flowed very well, but I was rather too aware of the punctuation and spelling mistakes at times.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review! And thanks for the corrections, I'll fix them as soon as I get home. Thanks again!
Lovely fic! I can totally imagine Petunia freaking out like that and then grudgingly accepting Harry and the fact that she didn't want her sister dead no matter how estranged they were. And typical insensitive Vernon was perfect as well!
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! And thanks. I'm glad you like it.
Andrea, you got it up!!! Great job on this story. It's really good and funny as well. I can't wait until you get another fic up. This one is amazing and your next ones will be too. You also got Gryffindor points, which is amazing. I like the converstions that they had. You wrote them really well. Again, great job on this!!
Author's Response: Haha, thanks for your review, 'lyss. Especially because you had already read it :P and so did you, so good job! Aw, thanks. :)