He should have told someone the criteria and asked for help. He is so bad at picking out jewelry! Though I can totally imagine Hermione looking through books for three hours. I know I could!
This made me cry, not only because it was really well written, but because it incorporated my all-time favourite silver lining quote, in a way which is so original! If I ever got a ring with that engraved in it I would be very, very happy! I also found Harry's drawing at the end very touching, because it brought the horrors of his childhood into perspective; he was lonely and abused... all in all very emotional!
My ultimate favorite story here. I've read this 10x n I'm still crying n laughing at the same time.I Juz love everything especially the last part.Ty for making this for us harry/ginny fanatic.pls pls pls write some more....pls again lol
Wow, you are an amazing writer!
Absolutely wonderful! I loved it! So ADORABLE
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad! :)
I liked the fluff!!!!
Author's Response: Good! :D
the proposal was great! i thought of a lot of different things for harry to say and that was great!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! :)
oh this is amazing! i've never seen a story from this perspective before; GREAT JOB!
Author's Response: Thanks :)
This is one of my favorite stories by far! I love it!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it :)
Why are you such a good writer? I cried again reading this :)
Author's Response: Haha, well, thank you! I'm glad you liked it :)
Despite your Chapter End Note, I did not find this piece too fluffy. There was a nice balance between the fluff, the memories, and the happy ending.
The part about Harry only drawing himself as his family was really touching, and contributed to the great ending. Good job on that front.
It was also a clever idea. I haven't read any other fics on here about Harry and hid primary school life -- the whole general idea was a clever one.
It was really sweet when Janie described Harry as "cute in a dorky way." That's one of my favourite lines.
This was a really great story, one of my favourites on Mugglenet. Theres nothing I can name that is wrong with this fic.
Really, really nicely done.
Author's Response: Hi, Midnight Storm! I'm glad you didn't find it too fluffy. I was actually looking for a fic that dealt even a little with Harry's primary school days, and when I couldn't find one (although I'm sure they're around) I wrote this instead. I'm happy you like it so much :)
Last part was SO CUTE/SAD. Harry and Ginny are darling together, and you captured their relationship perfectly. Lovely. :)
Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'm glad you liked it :)
I love outsider views of characters, and outsider views of Harry are some of my favorites, especially when it's from outsiders who knew him before Hogwarts. This is a perfect example of why. I feel like everything I love about Harry and Ginny is being revealed all over again. As she's noticing the way they're perfect for one another, it reminds me why I think they they are.
And oh, that proposal. Lucky Ginny... it was beautiful. Poor Harry, though, he was so nervous!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Outsider POVs are really interesting! I'm glad you enjoyed this--I was a little nervous about how a story told from a complete OC would be taken. :)
very nice. i liked this a lot..the bit at the end about the class assignment really struck a chord...really a great piece of writing. keep it up
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the mention of the class assignment.
You did wonderful. Hope you are happy with what you wrote.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it :)
Oh, I loved the old primary classmate's perspective!
Altogether the story was charming. I loved the comparison of who he was when he was ten and who he grew to be. This was a very well thought out, adorable, fluffy- but not overly so- and entirely believable proposal. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked the comparison of Harry's past and present and like the POV :)
I LOVE this fic! Seriously, I think it is one of my favorites on the whole website. See, once a long time ago I read this, probably around when it first came out. And then today, my best friend's sister got engaged and it totally jolted a memory of this story in my mind so I came searching around looking for it!
And I just thought you should know how really great and memorable this fic is. Harry seems so truly awkward and you can just see how he is totally overreacting about what ring Ginny would want. You just want to laugh at the end when he gets cornered into proposing! Ginny is very IC I think, very spunky and bold! And Janie is a great OC, she seems very real - she's likeable and funny and normal.
Anyways, I just really love this fic and, well, that's all! :]
Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much! I'm glad it stuck with you and you came back to let me know. (And my congrats for your friend's sister!) It's always hard writing an OC that won't annoy people more than anything, so it's such a relief to hear that you find her likable :)
I found the song at the beginning and the end of the piece to be quite distracting. It's a nice song, but it's almost so vague, that I feel it doesn't add to the piece at all. It's a tad... irrelevant. Sure, it doesn't detract from the story either, I just found it a bit unnecessary and out of place. It doesn't set the scene for me. I think that if you wanted to use a song to set the scene, you could have picked something else, something more fitting, or just scrapped the whole thing altogether. But that's something really minor, anyway. I just noticed it.
I LOVED the dialogue in this fic. Seriously. You honestly have this wonderful gift when it comes to writing dialogue. I, actually, find dialogue quite difficult at the best of times, especially when you're dealing with the more major characters. It's very easy to read a conversation and go: "That really doesn't sound like Such-And-Such." It was just so natural, so realistic, and very very unforced. It really just flowed. Harry's dialogue, especially, was very well done. You didn't over-do the hesitancy or the stuttering, but kept it very genuine, and very Harry-like. Well done :)
I'm still unsure about the opening scene - I'm not quite sure whether or not it added or detracted from the story. I think it was interesting to have a back-story, and to have the narrative from the OC's point of view, as it immediately distinguished it from other H/G stories, but I, personally, could have done with less characters and less of an introduction. I was a bit confused for a while, and was left wondering what was the connection between Janie, Annie, Melody and HP was. I appreciated the introduction more the further I read, but I'm still a bit hesitant. It was interesting, and I enjoyed it, but perhaps just a bit less of it would have been better. Of course, that's just my opinion.
The way Harry speaks about Ginny threw me off a bit. I thought it was rather... unconvincing. I think you had the right idea about Ginny, but just narrowly missed it. Ginny is extremely opinionated - as are many people, myself included - but she's not 'picky'. Of course, reflecting on it, this could just be Harry seeing her as choosy, as he's quite a perfectionist, and is so eager to please and not mess up in this situation.
Okay, I'm not British, so I'm probably not the best person to Brit-pick, but I noticed a few Americanisms littered here and there, most prominently "'neat/dorky." Now, I know what both of them mean, but am I right in saying that they wouldn't be used in Britain? Neat means cool, and dorky is like nerdy. Actually, with the influence of American television shows, you'd probably hear the younger generations saying things like that, but not Harry's generation.
Your use of imagery is absolutely wonderful. I found a lot of them to be quite amusing, and there were quite a few that made me almost a bit choked up. (Then again, I do have a tendency to cry at everything, so that truly doesn't take a lot...) I think your imagery was also particularly strong when it came to describing Harry, like this line:
Quote: "less gaunt, less sad and less lonely."
It just sounds so accurate for a young, bullied, unloved, awkward Harry and the newly transformed, but not quite post-Hogwarts Harry.
Quote: He had no piercings or tattoos or spiky jewellery or any of the things my mother would say pointed to a delinquent teen.
I found that line to be exceptionally funny, actually. It's so true. Those aspects seem to immediately scream "Rebelling delinquent adolescent!" rather than, say, Dudley's tyrannical behaviour. People can be so judgemental.
Quote: He seemed to have narrowed his search to three rings, and he was staring at all of them with a great deal of concentration, as if at any moment one would speak to him.
Like, seriously. JK herself could have easily written that line. Gah. It's actually Harry.
Harry wearing Converses also sort of threw me a bit. They don't really strike me as something Harry would wear. Converses are quite cool, really, and I could be wrong here, but you rarely see men wearing Converse outside of adolescence, unless they are, actually, quite cool.
The whole laces part was really sad. I very nearly got teary eyed. It was honestly a great idea, and a brilliant Harry-ish quirk.
Now, I could be reading far too deeply into this, but is it IC for Harry to spill so much to someone he hasn't seen since he was ten? Or, is it just the pressure of the situation? Or is he actually just making small-talk, conversation? I thought he'd be more cagey, more awkward about the whole magic thing, but besides the little police slip, I thought he was almost too... open. I'm not sure.
I also thought it was a bit odd for Harry to be in a Muggle jewellers. I would understand it from the point that Ginny wouldn't accidentally see him in Diagon Alley or something. However, he'd gone shopping with Ginny and Hermione! This is something of a pet peeve of mine but why do wizards have engagement rings? Of course, it could well be mentioned in the series that they do, but I always think that mimicking Muggles so closely regarding things like this is a bit weird.
Quote: Besides, she says that a man should be able to pick out a woman's jewellery himself if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
Um, really? That seems a bit… petty, to me, and not very Ginny. I understand the sentiment, of course - Ginny would strike me as the type to have high expectations, and have strong opinions on most subjects - but don't most men not have a clue about jewellery? Perhaps it's just the men that I know, but none of them would ever be able to pick out jewellery as a present for their wives/girlfriends, even if they've been together for ten years! Personally, I'd think Ginny would care more about other things. Perhaps if he didn't know her, oh, I don't know, favourite colour, or something else exceptionally obvious. Jewellery is actually quite a personal thing, I think.
Quote: "It's this one," he declared. "I know it." There was a glimmer of triumph — and clear relief — in his eyes.
That's actually just Harry through and through.
Quote: "but with her hand on her hip and her eyes wide awaiting an explanation, I had to admit she looked a little intimidating."
I found this line very funny - shadowing Molly, much? We all knew it was going to happen :)
I liked the fluff aspect of it, possibly because it wasn't overly sugar coated, even though I am not not not a H/G fan.
Quote: I wished suddenly I could go back in time and assure that timid, friendless little boy that everything would work out for him, that it would all be okay and he would get a family and he would get the girl/
Um, SOB! That sentence was so sad/tear.
I hope I don't sound overly critical, as I really do think that this is a very good good one-shot, and you are a particularly talented writer :)
Author's Response: Oh my goodness! I rarely get such a detailed review! Thank you so much. You aren't over critical, as all of your criticisms are constructive. I understand what you mean about the song. I suppose that I play the stories I write out in my head, often imagining them/planning them when I go running, and that was the song that went along with this, so I went ahead and included it, but it isn't very relevant, you're right. I'm so glad you liked all the dialogue! That's one thing that can really irk me about fanfiction (and fiction in general) when characters all sound the same, all sound like the author. People talk differently and don't always speak clearly or in full sentences, and I really try to capture that. As for the Americanisms -- *sigh* -- those will be the death of my in the HP fandom. My "betas" are all friends of mine, and we are all, unsurprisingly, Americans. I'll try to fix what you've pointed out, however! And as for Ginny's characterization -- I see what you mean. I was attempting more to portray how opinionated Ginny was, but I suppose this could be construed as making her sound high-maintenance, which wasn't at all my intention. Oh, and about the converses -- my extremely dorky/nerdy/whatever word you like -- boyfriend wheres them, and he's one of the few people I know who do, so I had never really considered them an "in" thing. Thanks again for such the wonderful review!
i love this story it's so cute! i love the different viewpoint
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it :)
Oh, I made an error when I wrote: 'The use of the third person omniscient (limited to one character) was the best way to go.'--I meant first person. *face palms* So sorry. I need coffee in the morning, really. ^_~
Also, I think you should try a hand at D/G. But, at the same time, I think you should always write what you love and what you're best at. So there's no pressure from me. I'm fine just pouting here in the corner. ^_~
Author's Response: Haha -- anyone who doesn't need coffee in the morning is a crazy! :)