Oh Natalie, I had to laugh when I read your story notes, considering this isn't your last poem!
Again, beautiful writing. I especially loved the last fragmented bits and the well placed punctuation. It added so much depth to the poem!
I love your work, as always and forever. :D
(I really, really, really want to be in Hufflepuff!!!)
This was a cool poem. (And I can't believe you thought you would never write poetry again!!! *gasp!*)
I love Snape. I feel such pity for him, sometimes I think maybe he deserved to at least date Lily. He's such a sweetheart . . .
Stanza 1.) Memories . . . . they're all he has now. It's enough to keep him (technically) away from being alone, but he still feels like all he is is lonely. Because you know, sometimes memories are not enough. Truly, memories can make you even lonelier! This part has such an emotional effect on the reader that it makes me want to bow my head down and frown. Good work.
Stanza 2.) But these memories, they're so old. Should he even look back now? But they haunt him so . . . he must. I enjoyed this part.
Stanza 3.) This one's my favorite! It is so true that he loved her so much, and he was so afraid of losing her to someone like James Potter. Ha. But now he looks back on when he truly had her. So incredibly sad . . . I think I'm going to cry now.
Stanza 4.) But, alas, she is still in his heart. But sometimes, memories are not enough. Good job with this one. And I like how it sort of continues into the next one.
Stanza 5.) Classic! When to tell someone you love them?! When they're already gone? Would that even do anything? One of the great parts about this stanza is that it relates right back to the third stanza. I loved that.
And you know, any other person would have ended it with "Always." But the thing that makes you special, even with your first poem, is that you end it with that doubt that makes the reader really think. So powerful . . . you're amazing!
This was a super first poem. My first (and only) poem was not nearly this good. And you've grown so much too as a writer. Not that this was bad, no of course not at all!!!!, but you have really improved. You went from good to spectacular. I love reading your fics. And reviewing them.
This poem characterizes Snape so well. I've never read one lke that before. AMAZING job with Snape. You really have him down.
Fantastic job, as always.
Author's Response: Thanks, Megan!
I am so sorry I haven't responded before. I actually thought I had, but apparently not. Anyway, this was such a great review for my first poem. :) Again, thank you for reading my other fics and encouraging me. That means a lot.
This is a lovely poem, Natalie. The sense of loss from Snape is heartfelt, but it ends on a note of hope because the love he felt for Lily (and still feels) is what warms him and sets him apart from the other DE's.
Critiquing the poem as a piece is always harder, I think, than critiquing prose because the style is that much more individual. However, here goes... I enjoyed the start of the poem, yet wasn't quite sure of the flow. The second line seems a bit too syllable heavy, but I guess on re-reading that's fixed by me stressing 'am' rather than always. *forgive this stream of consciousness review* I love the second verse especially the 'old like ages' line. It really evokes the lonliness of the man. The third verse is a bit discordant, to be honest. It seems to overstate exactly what happened between them. I'm not totally sure how I'd have written it, and actually it matters very little because the fourth verse is just wonderful. 'niche in my mind' 'void in my heart' I get the very real sense that Snape tries not to dwell daily on Lily but it must have been very hard for him not to - especially when Harry was at Hogwarts. Finally in that last verse, you've left another slightly discordant note - but this one I really like. With the addition of the question mark after 'always' - you seem to be suggesting that he does occasionally doubt his love for Lily. This is quite brilliant, because there must have been times when his feelings receeded - otherwise he would never have been able to conduct a normal life. However, as soon as he needs to cast a Patronus, Lily is there before him.
Brilliant! You should write more poetry, Natalie, and get yourself a thread in Poetry anyone. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Aaack! I am replying after months, but I decided to do it now. :D
To tell you the not-so-pretty truth, I suck at poetry. :( And that must be why the third verse was discordant. hee hee. I mean, I have no sense of rhyme or metric or all those things, and I don't even read out my poems aloud. So...that was it. The rare moments when I do write poems, I do them in free verse.
But thanks for the lovely review and the encouragements. :D
I know diddly-squat about poetry-all I know is how the words look on the page and how it makes me feel when I read it. So I have to tell you how your poem makes me feel.
Snape and Lily's story is tragic at best. I like the dualities you show: "loneliness…yet he's not always alone. I had one once, but I still have you." I thought that even while the language was beautiful - which I still find amazing, your command of the English language to write something like this - the description great…it is still simple. And it transitions and still tells a story in 108 short words.
The transition at the end is brilliantly done as well, and seems to convey a sense of regret that Snape probably carried with him his entire life. I felt sad, like I was watching someone look back on their life, and wonder something simple and profound but complex at the same time, because we [i]know[/i]. Which…just makes it sadder. The imagery of having Lily as that "void in his heart" is quite possibly one of the most depressing things ever, if you really and truly think about it. But so so so good at describing how he carries himself and how he just keeps doing what he needs to do for that sole reason.
Doesn't make you like him more, just makes the entire thing more tragic.
You should not make this your last.
Author's Response: Hey there Twin!
"all I know is how the words look on the page and how it makes me feel when I read it." Same sentiments here, love. I am not really good at writing poems, and I think I got lucky with this one.
Dualities...ah. I seem to have a fetish for them, don't I? I think that was how poor Severus felt. He never actually had Lily that way, but Lily was always within him, even as an absence. I think that was what made the whole thing so sad and forlorn. And you are right, I don't mean this poem to make anyone like him more - I mean, of course, Snape is someone to be admired. All I am saying is that the poem does not necessarily make him him a better person.
But isn't love just so powerful?
Thanks for the lovely, lovely review.
Lovely poem. Poor Severus! You reflect his pain well. Don't make this your last poem, it would be a shame,
Author's Response: Hey M!
Thank you for your lovely words. I wasn't convinced about Severus becoming poetic all of a sudden, but...ah...if I can get so poetic, so can he. As for more poems coming from my side, I will surely try. ;)
Thanks again for dropping by!
Awww, I adored this poem! It was short, sweet, and very touching. I've thought a lot about this love story, and it's definitely one that deserves a poem because of all the inherent melodrama that just comes with the package, I think. You tackled the pairing in a really great way - all in all, it was very nice to read. You definitely have a talent for poetry! :) Nice job!
Author's Response: Hello Apurva!
Yes, "Snape's great love" for Lily definitely needed to be written about, and the poem just hit me. I thought it wouldn't work at first, but it seems to have turned out fine. Lol! I dunno if I really have a talent for poetry though. I mean, I don't get inspired to write poems often, and I struggle with it even if an idea strikes me. However, I have been encouraged by all your lovely words. :)
Thanks again for the review!
Natalie! I loved reading this! Poetry is so fun, is it not? Where is your thread in Poetry Anyone? You should have one!!!
And yet, I have you still.
That niche in my mind,
That void in my heart.
They are not there without reason;
They are not there without purpose.
This is beautiful. I'm not really a fan of Severus/Lily but this really made me question my reasoning behind my avoidance of the ship. I also love how you ended with a question mark. It sort of wraps up the whole feel of the poem. Snape is questioning himself, thinking, switching from one thought to the next and ending with a question mark, especially since it is a statement you wouldn't usually think of as a question, puts the rest of the poem in a different light. For me, anyway... Great job!
Author's Response: Hello Julia!
Yes, poetry is pretty fun. :) But I have a separate muse for my poetry, and she is pretty sulky and wouldn't bless me with inspiration as much as my prose muse. Lol! I am really flattered by your praises. This poem just came out of the blue, and I was really skeptical because the idea of putting Snape and Poems in the same sentence is incredulous. I am not a Severus/Lily shipper either, but he did love Lily, and I wanted to pay a tribute to that.