Reviewer: armagod679
Date: 11/04/09 21:09
Chapter: Halfway Home

I like the first chapter in general. It's well-written and emotional. It really draws the reader in and makes them feel Sirius's pain and James's anger. However, I'm not sure that the last "Okay. I'll stay" is necessary. It's somewhat redundant. Just something to think about. I look forward to future chapters!

Author's Response: thank you! you're probably right about that last bit :)

Reviewer: Karaley Dargen
Date: 11/03/09 18:15
Chapter: Halfway Home

Ooh I really like that ... well, snapshot of their lives. It's a really important point for Sirius, and I think you made a realistic picture of that.

The only thing that I have to nag about though is that you switch to present tense at some points, namely here: He didn’t follow Sirius immediately. They both, he sensed, need to tread carefully with this one. Something bigger than usual had happened there and James feels a little scared at the look on Sirius’ face. He’s never been shocked when Sirius comes to visit.

But other than that, I really enjoyed your story :)

Author's Response: oooops thank you for catching this - it's because I first wrote it in present and then changed it to past! Obviously some little bits didn't get changed :x

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 11/01/09 18:15
Chapter: Halfway Home

How sad, to be kicked out of your house and not even for a good reason. Sirius is such a tragic character. I've always thought it was too bad that he died although I realize that JKR had to kill off some of the "good" characters and save others. Loved this first chapter. Keep up the good work. I'll look for an update soon.

Author's Response: thank you! :)

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Severus's Prince by DestinyMoonStar Professors
What does Severus Snape do when a one night stand turns into a baby boy? ...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES