Reviews For The One For Me
Reviewer: the opaleye
Date: 03/18/10 19:13
Chapter: The One For Me

Hi Alyssa!

You have a very unique style of poetry and I always enjoy reading them. The two line stanzas and nice and straightforward and plunge the reader right into the emotions you are trying to portray so well done! If you hadn't told me what pairing this was inspired by then I would certainly have chosen James and Lily because you have caught the whole situation perfectly.

Now, one thing bothers me though. The fourth stanza seems out of place. The first line is a bit of a mouthful and if you try to read it aloud it sort of ties the tongue and disrupts the overall flow of the poem. I would try and change it up a bit, have fewer syllables in there to match the other stanzas. It also seems a bit cheesy with the 'To be your man.' but a lot of people like that type of thing so it's really up to you!

Overall, I love seeing how your poetry keeps on getting better and better. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Julia! I thought that the fourth stanza was a mouthful too. I think it's really, really cheesy, and I don't really like it. But I'm going to make it less syllables at some point. Thank you for the compliments and the crit!

Reviewer: IckleRonnieX
Date: 11/04/09 0:21
Chapter: The One For Me

Ooh, Alyssa! This is great! You're an awesome poet!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Ronnie! That really means a lot.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Crofter and The Snake by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
During the perilous school year of 1997-1998, when Muggleborns are on the run...
Lily and Alice by Wenlock 3rd-5th Years
Alice defied the odds when she became the first woman Auror in the 20th century.Lily...
Time, Space, and Blunt Force Trauma by teh tarik 3rd-5th Years
On the very last day of his life, Sirius Black was bored. Bored, bored, bored.
FEATURED
My Troubled Tyrant by Belledeg Professors
Keedie Dante has experienced many amazing things during her time at Hogwarts...
His and Hers by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
In a perfect world, Neville and Hannah's wedding would go off without a hitch...
All This Waiting For The Sky To Fall by Dawnie 1st-2nd Years
They found her body - broken, bleeding, face filled with signs of pain and fear...
Sanguini, the Vampire by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Vampirism is the persistence and the perpetuity of the body, a madness of the...
Lost and Found by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
When Tracey Davis's financial security was a casualty of war, her family is...
CATEGORIES