Reviews For The One For Me
Reviewer: the opaleye
Date: 03/18/10 19:13
Chapter: The One For Me

Hi Alyssa!

You have a very unique style of poetry and I always enjoy reading them. The two line stanzas and nice and straightforward and plunge the reader right into the emotions you are trying to portray so well done! If you hadn't told me what pairing this was inspired by then I would certainly have chosen James and Lily because you have caught the whole situation perfectly.

Now, one thing bothers me though. The fourth stanza seems out of place. The first line is a bit of a mouthful and if you try to read it aloud it sort of ties the tongue and disrupts the overall flow of the poem. I would try and change it up a bit, have fewer syllables in there to match the other stanzas. It also seems a bit cheesy with the 'To be your man.' but a lot of people like that type of thing so it's really up to you!

Overall, I love seeing how your poetry keeps on getting better and better. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Julia! I thought that the fourth stanza was a mouthful too. I think it's really, really cheesy, and I don't really like it. But I'm going to make it less syllables at some point. Thank you for the compliments and the crit!

Reviewer: IckleRonnieX
Date: 11/04/09 0:21
Chapter: The One For Me

Ooh, Alyssa! This is great! You're an awesome poet!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Ronnie! That really means a lot.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Chocolate Frog by L A Moody 3rd-5th Years
Amid the desolation of Diagon Alley, a tiny ray of hope lay buried. Nothing...
I Suspect Nargles by foolondahill17 3rd-5th Years
“No one’s ever kissed me before…. What is one to do now?” An extensive...
The Life and Times of Linnea Potter by Cantatrix 1st-2nd Years
Linnea Potter has lived under the tyranny of her relatives for the better part...
FEATURED
Glass over the Flame by the opaleye 3rd-5th Years
Harry, Hermione, and the moments in between. He doesn’t say that this...
Tom Riddle and the Chamber of Secrets by CanisMajor 3rd-5th Years
What really happened the last time someone let the Basilisk out? Harry Potter...
Red Squirrel/Sun Rises by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
+ He wouldn't celebrate his birthday, but his son had other ideas. + This was...
Sybill Trelawney and the Unexpected Gift by Squibstress 3rd-5th Years
Sybill Trelawney learns to live with her Inner Eye, cooking sherry, and Minerva...
Pat-a-Cake by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Molly Weasley II, called Pat, and twenty-one lot and little-known facts. Or...
Wood by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
Marcus Flint, the infamous Super Seventh Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch...
CATEGORIES