Reviews For The One For Me
Reviewer: the opaleye
Date: 03/18/10 19:13
Chapter: The One For Me

Hi Alyssa!

You have a very unique style of poetry and I always enjoy reading them. The two line stanzas and nice and straightforward and plunge the reader right into the emotions you are trying to portray so well done! If you hadn't told me what pairing this was inspired by then I would certainly have chosen James and Lily because you have caught the whole situation perfectly.

Now, one thing bothers me though. The fourth stanza seems out of place. The first line is a bit of a mouthful and if you try to read it aloud it sort of ties the tongue and disrupts the overall flow of the poem. I would try and change it up a bit, have fewer syllables in there to match the other stanzas. It also seems a bit cheesy with the 'To be your man.' but a lot of people like that type of thing so it's really up to you!

Overall, I love seeing how your poetry keeps on getting better and better. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Julia! I thought that the fourth stanza was a mouthful too. I think it's really, really cheesy, and I don't really like it. But I'm going to make it less syllables at some point. Thank you for the compliments and the crit!

Reviewer: IckleRonnieX
Date: 11/04/09 0:21
Chapter: The One For Me

Ooh, Alyssa! This is great! You're an awesome poet!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Ronnie! That really means a lot.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
A Different Kind of Magic by unjellify 3rd-5th Years
James Potter is Head Boy and Gryffindor Quidditch captain in his seventh year...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES