Reviews For The One For Me
Reviewer: the opaleye
Date: 03/18/10 19:13
Chapter: The One For Me

Hi Alyssa!

You have a very unique style of poetry and I always enjoy reading them. The two line stanzas and nice and straightforward and plunge the reader right into the emotions you are trying to portray so well done! If you hadn't told me what pairing this was inspired by then I would certainly have chosen James and Lily because you have caught the whole situation perfectly.

Now, one thing bothers me though. The fourth stanza seems out of place. The first line is a bit of a mouthful and if you try to read it aloud it sort of ties the tongue and disrupts the overall flow of the poem. I would try and change it up a bit, have fewer syllables in there to match the other stanzas. It also seems a bit cheesy with the 'To be your man.' but a lot of people like that type of thing so it's really up to you!

Overall, I love seeing how your poetry keeps on getting better and better. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Julia! I thought that the fourth stanza was a mouthful too. I think it's really, really cheesy, and I don't really like it. But I'm going to make it less syllables at some point. Thank you for the compliments and the crit!

Reviewer: IckleRonnieX
Date: 11/04/09 0:21
Chapter: The One For Me

Ooh, Alyssa! This is great! You're an awesome poet!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Ronnie! That really means a lot.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
A Ship to Wreck by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
And good God, under starry skies we are lostAnd into the breach we got tossedAnd...
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
The Apothecary and the Bane by Icarus Unbound 1st-2nd Years
The apothecary receives a visitor in the wizarding slums of London.
FEATURED
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...
CATEGORIES