Bella! I thought I would check out your author page after I got my lovely banner and leave a review. I admit that poetry is not my strong suit, but wow.
I love how the fear comes through in this, particularly the lines "falling, treacherous ankle" and "ice-cold teeth, tearing my body".
I wonder if the second line might work better if it were more parallel, "lurking, hiding in the dark" instead of "luring, hidden by the dark" but it's quite good the way you have it too.
Overall, really nice, really scary poem about being hunted by a werewolf. Thanks again for the banner.
Ummm, Holy Cow!
I normally stay far away from the poetry category... but, Oh My Rowena! That was just awesome.
You gave so much in so few words. I'm a minimalist writer so I know it can be tricky, but you did such a great job here.
I absolutely loved it. ~Wendy
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! It made my day (which, by the way, is just starting, but still...) ~Bella
Dear clabbert2101 –
That was a very interesting piece of poetry to read. I’m quite intrigued by the fact that you wrote it from the point of view of the victim. And not just a regular victim, but one that dies at the end. It’s a very interesting perspective to have for a poem because it’s almost as though they were writing the poem as they went along (because it is written in the first person present tense) and then they die, but the writing seems to continue normally. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this perspective, but it does make for a very interesting (and somewhat unsettling) realization at the end of the poem when one realizes that the narrator was just eaten.
Structurally, you have a very clipped-feeling set-up. Each stanza is two lines and each pair of lines is a sentence. This gives the poem a very start-stop sort of feel. Personally, I am quite fond of this type of structure, but I don’t know if it meshes well with the poem overall. Since it’s being narrated in the first person present tense, I almost feel that the structure ought to contain more of that panic and fear that the narrator says that they feel. Psychologically speaking, when people are frightened, they think a rather continuous and repeating set of thoughts, which is usually only broken by sudden realizations about their surroundings or situation. What I would have wanted to see out of the structure (in order to convey that) would be either a less rigid structure with more than two lines per stanza or longer sentences that spanned several of these short stanzas. I think that another structure might add more depth to your poem due to the tense that it’s narrated in.
Generally speaking, I thought that your word choice was excellent. These lines actually stood out to me: Pain like fire, excruciating, /Consuming all that I could be. This is the only time that you deviate from present tense and I think that it was an excellent choice on your part. Instead of saying, “…consuming all that I am” I really liked how you switched to future tense. The realization that your narrator’s entire life is ending and that they no longer have a potential future is made very clear with your sudden switch to future tense. It makes the poem feel a little bit more tragic. Your word choice also did a wonderful job of creating a rather gruesome feel with the “ripping, shredding, pulling” line about flesh. I could really envision that scene and it made the poem feel quite a bit more dramatic.
Overall, I enjoyed the poem. It’s definitely unique – I’ve never seen another one written from this perspective before – and I think that you did a good job with it, though there are always little things to improve upon. Keep writing poetry!
Author's Response: Kelly, That is the most in depth and wonderful review I've ever recieved. Thank you for putting the time and effort into writing it, all to help me improve my writing and show your appreciation for my poem. You are awesome, even if I took forever to respond. That's not a reflection on your awesomeness, I'm just slow and/or lazy. :D ~Bella
Liked it very much.
Kind of dark, but then again, it's about s1 being eaten by a werewolf!! So, duh!
Wish I could write poetry too! Kuddos!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Makes for a chilling read from the victim's perspective. Atmospheric, tragic and sad (because the poor sod died).
Nicely done indeed!
Kara's Aunty :)
Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! Yeah, the poor sod dies, but it was their own fault for taking a walk on a full moon. Isn't it hardwired into our DNA not to do that? Well, it should be. <.< ~Bella