This story was very well-written. The prologue was a great idea, as it gave you a sense of suspence before you'd even started reading the main story! I enjoyed the main story a lot, though I would have liked it to be slightly longer! Well done for an excellent read. I can't believe that you only have three reviews of it!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for that fabulous review.
I'm surprised that you only have two reviews for this story... I really enjoyed it. I was biting off my fingernails during most of the prologue. Even when Ron's line came and indicated she would be rescued, I was crossing my fingers that it would, in fact, be Ron doing the rescuing. Good idea to not mention who said that line.
I will agree with the previous reviewer that I was confused by the "couple of miles" reference and didn't really understand why the trip was taking so long. But that was sort of a minor distraction only. Nice job keeping them both in character throughout, too.
Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! I'm glad you liked the story. And well, maybe Jay dragged the journey out to lure Hermione and Ron into believing they're safe with him.
Bine, I’ve read several of your fics, and I have to say this one has got to be one of your best. Seriously, such a captivating plot line. And adding that prologue was a great way of getting my attention, and wishing that Hermione would listen to Ron for the rest of the story. At the same time, though, it might’ve been more effective to exclude Ron’s line from the prologue. While that is such a great end point, it somewhat made the impact less when you got to the attack scene in the main story. From the dialogue in the prologue, it just kind of tells you that Ron will turn up and save the day. I don’t know... I just think it would’ve been a little more suspenseful without that line.
‘I think that it’s a couple of miles from Sydney to Warrabri, right?’
This is minor, but ‘a couple of miles’ confused me, because, you know, it obviously wasn’t just ‘a couple of miles’. Unless Ron was being sarcastic, in which case I think you need to make that clearer, I think.
Critique aside, I loved this story. Really. Just... gah >.> I haven’t read any of the other Hermione-going-to-get-her-parents stories floating around the archives, but maybe I should try some of them. Though I knew Jay was no good from the prologue, I would never have guessed that was because he’s a witch-hunter. In fact, the whole witch-hunting prospect is something I’ve never seen explored in fanfiction set in the last century or whatever. It was interesting to read your take on a modern family of witch-hunters, and how they had their own wards against witches. That whole explanation scene, as such, where we learn about the real Jay and a little about his history, had me so intrigued. I would’ve loved a little more detail, but that’s not something that detracted from the fic. That’s just me wanting to know more, LOL.
The characterisation of all three main characters was great. Jay was certainly really skilled at witch-hunting [makes you wonder how long he had been witch-hunting :/], and that really shone through effectively in how he deceives Hermione into trusting him. Ron and Hermione were written well; I liked the little details you added in around them, about Ron’s ears turning red, etc., because it gave that sense that, yes, these are the characters I know.
Like I said at the beginning of this review, Bine, this is one of my favourite stories by you. It was a great read. xx
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review, Spire. I certainly had a lot of fun writing the story around a witch-hunter. And who knows? Maybe I'm going to explore witch-hunting in the future.
I absolutely LOVE how you did your intro! It was really suspenseful and well thought out. You should write more stories like this!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm trying.