funny and perfect i loved it you sounded like jk while putting in our own thoughts

Hey Wendy! This story definitely deserved first place it was great!

You portrayed Lockhart very well in my opinion, and when you went into the quotes from CoS, you could barely tell a difference in writing! Congrats, that’s a huge compliment :D

My favourite part in this story in when he meets Dumbledore, hands down! “Professor Gilderoy Lockhart at your service Headmaster. I have come to show young witches and wizards they too can conquer…” he broke off when Dumbledore gave him an amused look over his half moon glasses. “Yes, well anyway, I am here Headmaster.” I laughed out loud this was so funny! And again, it’s well in character of Lockhart to make such a grand entrance. I also like how you portrayed him in the presence of Dumbledore, as if he’s almost ashamed of his actions.

Another favourite of mine that I must mention, Clapping politely for all of the children would cause his hands to chap, so he bestowed his five time award winning smile on them instead. I love how you even used the word “politely” because he certainly is not the polite type.

I thought the beginning was great, but the first sentence seems a little long-winded, ” Gilderoy Lockhart stepped down from the carriage at the bottom of the front steps of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and looked around.” It’s a lot to take in with the very beginning of a story. It’s probably just me, but I think a starting sentence should just be straight and to the point, whereas you’ve used a lot of description about exactly where he was.

There’s also a sentence I’m not sure makes sense, “ The girls were whispering behind their hands and sitting forwarding their seats trying to gain his attention.” I think it should just be forward in their seats.

I just loved the whole plot line for this story, it really stuck to canon, which was nice to see, but I would have also liked to see more struggles. Possibly with Lockhart not knowing how to teach, and maybe had a tiny scene with some older students, say Fred and George who would act out, and see how Lockhart would get out of it (I think it’d be quite humorous to see what he’d say to a couple like Fred and George!).

The ending was perfect, how he goes to bed feeling bad about the days’ lesson. And of course the dramatic irony was just fantastic! ” He consoled himself with the fact that by the end of the year, nothing would faze him, and the first day would only be a distant memory.” I’m rather bad at irony in my own stories, but yours is so subtle if someone had read this without knowing his fate, they wouldn’t be able to tell it was irony.

Job well done on an awesome story! And congrats on the first place!
-Sarah

That was great! You captured him perfectly and I liked the bit with proffessor sprout and how he was in slytherin...nice!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.