i loved it!!
Oh wow this was amazing. I'm glad I chose to click on it! :)
The imagery in the writing was incredible, especially this line
"He looked like a rogue storm cloud, broiling on the surface as he rose to his full height, which was daunting to everyone in the room."
which just gave me chills.
There were a few places where your use of Nott's whole first name (Theodore) threw me off a bit, just because it seemed so formal. Anybody with a 3+ syllable name tends to get a nickname in my mind, so my brain wanted to think "Theo".
I loved how tentative the relationship between Theo and Susan is, and that it didn't end with a crescendo, passionate kiss, and a sunrise (the equivalent of a cliche happily ever after). That little touch of hope and happiness filtering into Nott's life made me all warm and fuzzy inside.
Aww, I'm glad he got his date. Sheena, this is a fantastic story. I loved the idea behind it, and Nott was incredibly well drawn. I liked the interplay between the Slytherins even though you've 'outed' my favourite Slytherin (who is currently with Lavender in my fic) and you've 'eviled' Daphne who's one of the good Slyths in the same fic - ha ha. Despite our disagreements on those two, I thought the characteristics you built around them were superb. Your description was flawless - especially this line
. Susan’s eyes widened in shock as she looked from the necklace to his face and he saw a bloom of red slowly spread across her pale, soft cheeks like the fall of the light of a sunset on a white rose. Just beautiful!
There were one or two places where I thought the language of Nott and also Ernie was a touch antiquated, (when he's having the first argument with Daphne and then Ernie calling him a filthy scoundrel) but to be honest, I only noticed because my beta (Emma) jumps on me for the same reason so it flashes up at me occasionally.
I was debating reading the story because of the word count (and I should be getting on with things) but it honestly didn't feel overlong as I was totally enthralled by the story. Good luck in the competition. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you very much Carole for this in depth review. I really appreciate it, especially coming from such a prolific author such as yourself. I'm glad the story didn't feel long since I was worried about how long it actually was. Good luck in the competition as well and thanks again!