Cuteness overload; you got Teddy spot on and, while this isn't exactly my image of Victoire, I still love how you characterized her. Reminds me a little bit of myself.
That was really really cute it's sad that teddy thinks this about his mother
Beautiful Fic! I decided to look at your authors page because I'm writing a story for your drawing, Mourning, for the Illistration for Inspiration challenge in the GH on the beta boards.~N~
I'm sorry to hear you had writer's block. Maybe your subconscious needed to work on a few areas of the story before you were ready to write it. :)
I really enjoyed your perspective on the family, especially the dynamics between Victoire and Teddy. I had to suspend disbelief that the family wouldn't all get together at least once or twice a year before the official reunions began, but the older kids watching younger ones was very well done and true to life, especially the ignored "discipline" and not being able to get outside fast enough.
The use of the swing was classic and effective imagery. Teddy's angst was poignant, although I had trouble imagining him not knowing the true circumstances of Tonks "running off" to be killed in battle, not knowing about her work as an Auror, her work for the Order, that no matter what a "handful" she'd been as a teenager, his mother did not get bored of a baby and run off to overdose on a "toxic poison."
I did like the contrast between the way she dropped his hand when she'd grabbed it unselfconsciously (as a friend) and the way, despite the awkwardness, she didn't want to let go after realizing they weren't just friends or honorary "cousins."
The ending that followed was sweet, and I'm sure Fleur appreciated Victoire smiling instead of scooting away.
It’s just like Molly to organise a huge family reunion. I can see all the Weasley children growing up and having their own families, and then Molly would be upset when they don’t come and see her all the time. However, I thought was a bit odd was that the children seemed to be confined to the basement – I would have thought Molly (and Arthur) would want to be surrounded by their grandchildren, especially if they don’t see them as often as they would like. The children all running around causing trouble for Victoire was certainly amusing, but it would have been nice to perhaps see some of the parents in there as well, to get the full effect of an “Annual Weasley Family Reunion Extravaganza”.
Like I said, all the next-gen kids running amok was hilarious, and I thought it was good how Victoire was detached from all the fun. It gave me the impression of this young, awkward girl who thinks she’s too grown-up to play with all the children. But one thing that continued to bug me was that I couldn’t figure out how old they were. Your summary made me assume they were 13 or 14 (which was the “awkward” stage for me, haha), but then when I saw Dom and Lily were 13 I was a bit lost. About 15, then? It would be helpful to your reader if you actually specified the age, especially since you’ve put the emphasis on it in the summary.
You’ve characterised Teddy just wonderfully, I think. He’s got his mother’s spunk, but then in the garden he reminded me of Remus in a way that wasn’t overwhelming, but in my opinion was just perfect. You’ve made him such a kind, bubbly kid, and I can’t help but smile as I write this, thinking about how seriously great you’ve made him. He’s the kind of character that I just want to be my best friend. There was only one slight mistake I picked up with him, and that was the tips of his hair turning pink when he was embarrassed. It was nice to have a little reference to his metamorphic abilities in there, but as far as I know it isn’t something that just happens over a little embarrassment – with Tonks it always seemed that she needed to concentrate on changing something. I might be wrong, but it was just one of those things that made me stop and double check, interrupting the flow of the story.
The end scene was just adorable – I love how they’re in that awkward stage of kind-of-liking-each-other but it’s so new and confusing to them. Teddy’s little outburst seemed to come out of nowhere, but it was well-characterised how he thought his mum may have left him instead of dying in battle like everyone told him. The insecurity just seemed to fit his character perfectly. And Victoire, who is so sweet but yet so practical and down-to-earth. You can see these subtle characteristics of their parents in them, and it just rounds off their characters perfectly. I don’t know whether you did that on purpose or not, but it really works for the fic.
Overall I really liked it; there’s just the couple of things I mentioned above that threw me off. Your writing is quite wonderful, and I really enjoyed reading a Teddy/Victoire fic that wasn’t them as a couple or ending up as a couple. It’s just a sweet little beginning that hints at a beautiful relationship in the future. Thanks for the great read, dear! :)
Author's Response: Oh my goodness, THANK YOU for the long review. You have no idea how ridiculously happy that made me. :D It was just the perfect thing to cheer me up during a break in my long study session for a History test. I'm glad you thought Victoire and Teddy were kind of like their parents; I didn't necessarily try to make them that way (I was just trying to make them sound real) but now you mention it, I can see it too. I have this whole timeline worked out for the Next Gen....I made up all their birthdays and everything, based on the years the known characters were at Hogwarts and such. I set this story in the summer when Victoire is just barely 15 and Teddy is 16, but they do seem a little young. That's easy to fix, though. Thanks for pointing that out. About the Teddy's hair thing--I was reluctant to put that in; I know it's a very fanon thing. I was kind of basing it off the movies, where Tonks's hair turns red when she's annoyed. I was going to change it anyway; it must have slipped my noticed. I'm glad to find another person who's as obsessed with minor canon details as I am. :) Thanks again for reviewing! You made my day!
write more soon! great story - very well written - and in canon - what more could a person ask for! excellent characterization too. can't wait to see what you do with the rest of the next-gen
Author's Response: OOOH, thanks for reviewing! That makes me very, very happy. I definitely will write more soon, once my teachers let up on their incessant barrage of homework. I'm glad you appreciate the canon--I spent a long time with my books and the Lexicon trying to make sure it was all perfect. :)
Hello, banner-sketcher extraordinaire. :) I really enjoyed this. I never thought about how things may have gotten started between these two... but it's interesting since they would have been essentially family. I like your take on it a lot.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Lori! I love it when I see familiar faces on MNFF. ;) I'm glad you liked it. I know you're one who appreciates the canon and also the what-could-have-happened. Look for more from me in the future. :)